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No one believes I'm a "sociopath". It's annoying.

FragmentsOfPain

FragmentsOfPain

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So. I've been diagnosed with, among other things, BPD with high narcissistic and antisocial traits. Technically according to the DSM-IV, I satisfy the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder, or in other words, Sociopathy.

Nobody believes me. Nobody. Not friends, not colleagues, not medical professionals. I appear too sweet, too friendly, too "normal", too "nice". I start out explaining in more subtle terms, saying I lack empathy for almost all people, that I've partaken in various illegal activities...they don't believe me. Or if they do, they insist I MUST feel bad for committing those crimes. But I don't. I don't care.

I possess high cognitive empathy and understand why people think, feel and do things, but affective or emotional empathy? No. I can feel it inside them, but within myself? No. Nothing.

After a while, I get bored of being subtle and tell them I do not care. If someone falls over in the street in front of me I keep walking. I can't even be bothered PRETENDING to care. The crimes? I wanted what I wanted, so I got it. The end. I love maybe 5 people in the world, and all animals (and for them I have strong empathy). Otherwise, nope.

Sometimes I feel amused by this, and actually play it up a bit, acting more how "psychopaths" are portrayed in movies like Silence of the Lambs. lol. Because I get bored, you see.

Anyone ever refuse to believe you? It's really quite tiresome.
i think you should write an article or book about it...since you can't feel much, the negative reaction won't matter much, correct? I've always found sociopathy to be interesting, i'm not sure why, but probably because i feel things so intensely. I have empathy problems but it's probably closer to autism to be completely honest...i like crime too because it's kinda exciting, but i feel pretty intensely guilty when someone berates me over something i did that makes them mad. I've gotten better about the last part though, i realized a while ago that guilt trips are normally counter-productive.

Are you sure these aren't just momentary things? Sometimes i doubt the APD ideas that mental health professionals hold.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Hmm. Sociopaths can be depressed and suffer from anxiety. Usually there's no guilt, shame or remorse. I myself feel HUGE guilt but only about extremely specific and limited things. Everything else, no.

I've never been diagnosed as having conduct disorder, and was a quiet and well behaved child and teenager (mostly), but that's also because I did things my own quiet way to get what I wanted. If I'd been caught when I first started doing my various more serious illegal activities at age 18, I would have gone to jail then.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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i think you should write an article or book about it...since you can't feel much, the negative reaction won't matter much, correct? I've always found sociopathy to be interesting, i'm not sure why, but probably because i feel things so intensely. I have empathy problems but it's probably closer to autism to be completely honest...i like crime too because it's kinda exciting, but i feel pretty intensely guilty when someone berates me over something i did that makes them mad. I've gotten better about the last part though, i realized a while ago that guilt trips are normally counter-productive.

Are you sure these aren't just momentary things? Sometimes i doubt the APD ideas that mental health professionals hold.
Nah, these are very long term traits I've had since childhood, moreso in adolescence and much more so, on a consistent basis, in adulthood. Definitely not momentary.

I'm fairly risk averse and none of my illegal activities have involved physical violence. I just want what I want and don't honestly care if I have to lie, cheat, steal etc to get it.

I think the thing also is, many psych professionals don't really understand APD or the sociopathic / psychopathic spectrum, so they still carry around a lot of outdated or restrictive concepts about it.
 
stevie_sloth

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I sometimes used to wonder if this was me...but more like a "failed sociopath" if there's such a thing. Many of my BPD traits I grew out of, or was told so many times "to get over it", and was in a toxic abusive relationship...That's when I started to develop more narcissistic traits (although I wouldn't full blown say I have NPD)...I'm pretty sure although I wasn't diagnosed when I was a teen, but traits of conduct disorder.

I'm still sticking with BPD, but it's possible I was misdiagnoed and it's just PTSD or something, because it can cause similar traits to BPD and ASPD.
I have all 9 of the diagnostic traits for BPD, still, at age 43.

I actually achieve high enough scores on both the NPD and APD scales to be diagnosed as having both, but I'm not convinced I have full blown NPD OR full blown APD for that matter. Only because I was never diagnosed with Conduct Disorder before age 15 (as relates to APD), and because I am not jealous of other people and nor do I think others are jealous of me, and I'm self aware (as relates to NPD).
 
FragmentsOfPain

FragmentsOfPain

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yeah, you're definetly "sociopathic" but i personally think everyone could perhaps "feel more emapthy". Based on what you are saying, you should probably just focus on how you can be happy/okay without lying to people, because wallowing in analytical introspection can be hurtful...yet, i'm sure you know, anything that helps is good.

Lying to people is dangerous, and people are dangerous in general.
 
FragmentsOfPain

FragmentsOfPain

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yeah, you're definetly "sociopathic" but i personally think everyone could perhaps "feel more emapthy". Based on what you are saying, you should probably just focus on how you can be happy/okay without lying to people, because wallowing in analytical introspection can be hurtful...yet, i'm sure you know, anything that helps is good.

Lying to people is dangerous, and people are dangerous in general.
EDIT: What happened to the edit button??

Lying to people is dangerous, but i've it's fine if you do it rarely and think about the lies before you make them. Telling the truth may be even more dangerous!
 
Passionflower

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Why do you want to be diagnosed as ASPD or sociopathic?. I can't see what you would gain from that diagnosis.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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yeah, you're definetly "sociopathic" but i personally think everyone could perhaps "feel more emapthy". Based on what you are saying, you should probably just focus on how you can be happy/okay without lying to people, because wallowing in analytical introspection can be hurtful...yet, i'm sure you know, anything that helps is good.

Lying to people is dangerous, and people are dangerous in general.
That is all true, yes. I don't have any intention of stopping lying if I want to do it though. I'm not concerned about the consequences of that. There have never really been any.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Why do you want to be diagnosed as ASPD or sociopathic?. I can't see what you would gain from that diagnosis.
I have a specific reason that I can't talk about in "public". The correct diagnosis would be...very helpful to me financially.
 
MollyBloom

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Regularly lying always comes with a prize and this prize is that no one will believe you and will turn their back on you. Perhaps you will gain a bit straight after having told a lie but at the long run, you will always loose. All liars I know (I have unfortunately met enough of them), aren't doing well because of the huge amount of lies. Most of them are stuck in their web of lies to a point there's no return possible to sincerity. I actually feel lots of pity for them because it looks sometimes like they are self-sabotaging themselves.
 
MollyBloom

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I have a specific reason that I can't talk about in "public". The correct diagnosis would be...very helpful to me financially.
You said you are matching the 9 criteria for BPD, hence you've got BPD. I've got the impression you don't like this diagnosis and you want another like NPD or ASPD but unfortunately you can't swap diagnosis into something you prefer. It's not like buying new car because you are fed up with your previous one. Perhaps you are struggling with the acceptance of your diagnosis.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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You said you are matching the 9 criteria for BPD, hence you've got BPD. I've got the impression you don't like this diagnosis and you want another like NPD or ASPD but unfortunately you can't swap diagnosis into something you prefer. It's not like buying new car because you are fed up with your previous one. Perhaps you are struggling with the acceptance of your diagnosis.
No, I'm neutral about the diagnosis. I "own it" so to speak. For many years I didn't know what it was and so to learn more about it after all this time is helpful as it explains a lot. I am not defined by a name or a diagnosis. And BPD doesn't carry the stigma it once did.

I have been professionally diagnosed by 2 psychiatrists with BPD, NPD and APD. The BPD is just the one I identify with most.

In terms of my lifestyle / financial situation, the APD diagnosis is most useful, followed by the BPD.

All are valid, accurate and accepted by me. I have no problems there.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Regularly lying always comes with a prize and this prize is that no one will believe you and will turn their back on you. Perhaps you will gain a bit straight after having told a lie but at the long run, you will always loose. All liars I know (I have unfortunately met enough of them), aren't doing well because of the huge amount of lies. Most of them are stuck in their web of lies to a point there's no return possible to sincerity. I actually feel lots of pity for them because it looks sometimes like they are self-sabotaging themselves.
I get that. I've never experienced any negative consequences from any lying I've done. I don't live a lie or anything like that.
 
jajingna

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I think the word "sociopath" has been polluted, and people are apt to see it as someone dangerous and violent. Media have not helped with this at all. Movies, TV shows and the news make the association every time, and when the word gets used the image that goes with the word is generally an awful totally selfish person or even a damn serial killer despite those being very rare. But even those people are often able to blend in and seem normal. The truth might only come out about their nature if they do awful crimes and get caught for them. Otherwise they might sneak through their entire lives unsuspected of anything, probably because they haven't done anything really bad.

If all that is true, or close to it, then it isn't surprising people don't believe someone has such a trait, or cluster of traits, who comes across as nice, harmless and normal.
 
FragmentsOfPain

FragmentsOfPain

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No, I'm neutral about the diagnosis. I "own it" so to speak. For many years I didn't know what it was and so to learn more about it after all this time is helpful as it explains a lot. I am not defined by a name or a diagnosis. And BPD doesn't carry the stigma it once did.

I have been professionally diagnosed by 2 psychiatrists with BPD, NPD and APD. The BPD is just the one I identify with most.

In terms of my lifestyle / financial situation, the APD diagnosis is most useful, followed by the BPD.

All are valid, accurate and accepted by me. I have no problems there.
I think the main thing everyone else is hininting at is...that borderline personality disorder has cultural connotations of vulnerability, and you should definetly use that to your advantage rather than trying to convince others you are a "sociopath", because in society they basically view sociopaths as evil criminals. The term has gained less popularity among mental health professionals because they know it won't really benefit their patients in the long run.

People do change, some people never show remorse for what they did but that's probably because they are in prison, haha.
 
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