- Sep 30, 2021
- Somewhere in the US of A
i think you should write an article or book about it...since you can't feel much, the negative reaction won't matter much, correct? I've always found sociopathy to be interesting, i'm not sure why, but probably because i feel things so intensely. I have empathy problems but it's probably closer to autism to be completely honest...i like crime too because it's kinda exciting, but i feel pretty intensely guilty when someone berates me over something i did that makes them mad. I've gotten better about the last part though, i realized a while ago that guilt trips are normally counter-productive.So. I've been diagnosed with, among other things, BPD with high narcissistic and antisocial traits. Technically according to the DSM-IV, I satisfy the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder, or in other words, Sociopathy.
Nobody believes me. Nobody. Not friends, not colleagues, not medical professionals. I appear too sweet, too friendly, too "normal", too "nice". I start out explaining in more subtle terms, saying I lack empathy for almost all people, that I've partaken in various illegal activities...they don't believe me. Or if they do, they insist I MUST feel bad for committing those crimes. But I don't. I don't care.
I possess high cognitive empathy and understand why people think, feel and do things, but affective or emotional empathy? No. I can feel it inside them, but within myself? No. Nothing.
After a while, I get bored of being subtle and tell them I do not care. If someone falls over in the street in front of me I keep walking. I can't even be bothered PRETENDING to care. The crimes? I wanted what I wanted, so I got it. The end. I love maybe 5 people in the world, and all animals (and for them I have strong empathy). Otherwise, nope.
Sometimes I feel amused by this, and actually play it up a bit, acting more how "psychopaths" are portrayed in movies like Silence of the Lambs. lol. Because I get bored, you see.
Anyone ever refuse to believe you? It's really quite tiresome.
Are you sure these aren't just momentary things? Sometimes i doubt the APD ideas that mental health professionals hold.