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No one believes I'm a "sociopath". It's annoying.

stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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So. I've been diagnosed with, among other things, BPD with high narcissistic and antisocial traits. Technically according to the DSM-IV, I satisfy the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder, or in other words, Sociopathy.

Nobody believes me. Nobody. Not friends, not colleagues, not medical professionals. I appear too sweet, too friendly, too "normal", too "nice". I start out explaining in more subtle terms, saying I lack empathy for almost all people, that I've partaken in various illegal activities...they don't believe me. Or if they do, they insist I MUST feel bad for committing those crimes. But I don't. I don't care.

I possess high cognitive empathy and understand why people think, feel and do things, but affective or emotional empathy? No. I can feel it inside them, but within myself? No. Nothing.

After a while, I get bored of being subtle and tell them I do not care. If someone falls over in the street in front of me I keep walking. I can't even be bothered PRETENDING to care. The crimes? I wanted what I wanted, so I got it. The end. I love maybe 5 people in the world, and all animals (and for them I have strong empathy). Otherwise, nope.

Sometimes I feel amused by this, and actually play it up a bit, acting more how "psychopaths" are portrayed in movies like Silence of the Lambs. lol. Because I get bored, you see.

Anyone ever refuse to believe you? It's really quite tiresome.
 
toutatis

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Yeah, I can honestly understand why or how people don't believe you. I'm sorry they don't believe you. My opinion is because people often can't get past the superficial appearance and, or personality of the person. If you come across as nice then that's it - you're a nice person to them. It's similar to how people will often judge a persons character by their face for example. They'll say things like, oh he looks shifty, or she looks dumb, but not know the first thing about the person, etc. It's a short-sighted prejudice, a judgmentality at play.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Yes! I don't mind so much friends or colleagues. I don't need them to accept it all. But psychiatrists? Come on now. Do your job. Don't be so narrow minded and naive.

I look young too, for my age. I'm 43 but often get mistaken for being in my late 20s, which also seems to prompt difficulty in believing my truth(s).

It frustrates me, not only because it's boring, but because I'm paying money to these people which seems somewhat of a waste if they refuse to believe me. I literally feel like I'm superior to them.

The thing also is, I CAN be nice. I'm MOSTLY nice because I'm used to putting on a facade, but also because as long as no one gets in my way and as long as it doesn't sap too much of my energy, it's not hard to be polite and chatty. Most people can be nice sometimes.
 
T E_90

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I agree with you.

I've been diagnosed with ASPD traits along with other stuff, and I would have ended up in jail for things I did when younger, if I was stupid enough to continue (and I know of some red flags that happened as a child too).
I have a longtime friend, (the only one I can truly trust, who knows my difficulties), but who refuses to believe that I feel nothing.
It's actually tiring, but also fun in a way, to observe how much someone can convince themselves that these things are impossible, based on your appearances.
To tell the truth I prefer it this way, yes a long-time friend, but a big jerk, makes me often angry (coming to scream inches from my face..I really had to hold on in those moments..), I have constant fights, but if my friend would starts to believe what I say about me,
I couldn't continue to behave as I do, to play my act, using this in times of need, manipulating and carry on.

Answering what you've said,
I guess it's because what you don't understand can be scary,
so it must be impossible,.. it's easier for the brain to reject the existence of something like this instead of accepting it can be a person close to you (your friend, neighbour, relative, husband, etc..).
I had this exact problem with my old psychiatrist.
He didn't believe that someone like me, who looked like any other average person, the one who said I was nice, personable and highly intellectual, could have this kind of thinking and urges.
And when he pulled out some fake shit about my family, I got angry and left.

I don't care much on how I am, life is easier, but in those rare moments, where I have a glimmer of feelings, (which feels scary and also uncomfortable), I have no one to talk to, to open up to, on what reality is for me, what my life really is from my eyes (thanks fuck for that I think, or people around me would begin to think differently about me).

So yeah, I get what you are saying
 
T E_90

T E_90

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Ps. I forgot to add, that once people know, no matter how you behave, there will never be a right way, you will always be the one who lies, who pretends, and even if what you say is right ,will always be seen as wrong. Personal experience
 
A

AppleJacks999

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It's probably because so many people these days take on traits to protect themselves against a cruel world. Some people gave up on caring, and felt it much easier to pretend to not care about people or anything. It kinda reminds me of all those movies and shows where you see the "bad" guy, pretending to be cruel to push people away, but deep down it was a facade. This is where the obsession with introversion, Wednesday Addams memes, and psychopath movies came from. A lot of people used those traits as a tool for survival and the appearance of confidence.

Movie Tropes: Psychopaths, Nerdy to hot transformation, Cool Girl
 
jajingna

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I believe you. It's not that rare, is it?
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Hey, Stevie. yeah, my best friend was diagnosed ASPD and NPD. I had the hardest time believing him (and at times still do) because he is so incredibly good at faking being v social and outgoing and at acting like he truly loves me and others. I guess part of why people don't buy it could be that you're good enough at acting like you care and are social, etc. plus it's just a hard thing for a lot of us to wrap our brains around b/c so many of us feel too much or just can't imagine not feeling love and empathy.

In a lot of ways people don't ever truly grasp or accept/believe that I feel things more intensely (BPD), so it's kind of similar. Likely so for many MH conditions in a way--people don't feel that way themselves, so they have a really hard time grasping it or believing we don't experience things the same way they do. xx
 
tophat7483

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This makes perfect sense to me. Although in my case I don't believe it's ASPD (I don't follow under the diagnostic criteria), I believe I may have NPD. ive seen multiple therapists about similar matters and they brush it off as hypochondria or attention seeking. People mistake my inability to handle criticism, my shallow politeness, and heightened sensitivity as being too "soft" to not experience affective empathy. I think people are too reliant of what sociopathy and psychopathy is based on media and bad actor therapists on YouTube giving lukewarm advice and information.

Good luck, hopefully soon a therapist or psychiatrist is able to hear you out and take it more seriously.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Thank you all! I'm so glad it's not just me.

I also think some less enlightened psych professionals are more open to the concept of male sociopaths as opposed to female sociopaths. And a lot of people still picture serial killers or "raving lunatics". It's just boring.

I do agree though that it's useful and at times enjoyable to just let people keep seeing the me they want to see. I can do a whole lot more stuff that way! lol
 
MollyBloom

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Ps. I forgot to add, that once people know, no matter how you behave, there will never be a right way, you will always be the one who lies, who pretends, and even if what you say is right ,will always be seen as wrong. Personal experience
People say: "once a liar, always a liar." You can't blame them, can you? Lying is the shortest way to loose your credibility towards friends and love interests. If you wish that people take you seriously, you should stop lying. I am convinced it is a very normal reaction of people to doubt whatever you are telling them, after they know you are lying a lot. Something deep has cracked like trust and reliability, things that create deep bonds and meaningful relationships. I believe it's a simple and very human concept, not rocket science.

However, you are in control. You are the master of your own behaviour and words. You can halt it and become a lovely person by stop lying. I wish you luck!
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Thank you! I lie as easily as I tell the truth, but to me, I see it as I only lie if it benefits me in some way. Otherwise, there's no point.
 
A

AppleJacks999

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I sometimes used to wonder if this was me...but more like a "failed sociopath" if there's such a thing. Many of my BPD traits I grew out of, or was told so many times "to get over it", and was in a toxic abusive relationship...That's when I started to develop more narcissistic traits (although I wouldn't full blown say I have NPD)...I'm pretty sure although I wasn't diagnosed when I was a teen, but traits of conduct disorder.

I'm still sticking with BPD, but it's possible I was misdiagnoed and it's just PTSD or something, because it can cause similar traits to BPD and ASPD.
 
A

AppleJacks999

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I do feel guilt...tho. And I'm hypersensitive to things...I have a problem with looking for the worst in everything...and the worst case scenarious...so that doesn't sound like it.
 
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