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No motivation to really live?

SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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The West Country
This is a weird one. I'm by no means considering suicide, though have made attempts in the past and used to think about it constantly.

I'm struggling with this feeling I have of not wanting to participate in life.
I don't mean I want to die, I just mean that all of the things that people seem to aim for or want, to me seem totally unappealing.

For example, I don't want a job. I don't want a boyfriend/husband. I don't want children. I don't want to go out and socialise.

It seems there is very little to aim for. I'm here for my parents, my sister, my dog.
In terms of living my own life, i'm really not bothered. There's nothing I want to do or experience, other than being left in peace.

Has anybody else been through this and managed to come out the other side? What has helped?
 
Prairie Sky

Prairie Sky

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That sounds exactly like me. Not at the exact moment, right now I've got plans and hopes and actually see things moving forward. Hopefully that won't end soon like it usually does. But most of the time, I just exist on a plane of going through the motions of life just because I happened to wake up yet another morning.

It's just like Ecclesiastes. "Vanity, all is vanity!" It all seems empty and purposeless and almost amusing. I sit back and watch the mad rush of people's lives and wonder if they will ever find the happiness they're looking for.

Forcing myself to interact and socialize probably helps the most. If nothing else it gives me a short-term goal. But often in reaching out to people I come in contact with their needs and want to do something to help them. And then I wonder if life is really so worthless after all.
 
W

wantingbetter

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near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Hi SomersetScorpio, you mention the word "motivation" in your thread title and although I consider myself a motivated person, when depression bites, it's the loss of that motivation which has the greatest impact; do you always lack this motivation, or does it come and go? If the latter, how long have you been feeling this way?

Prairie Sky mentions wanting to help others in her post and clearly, she is living life according to her own criteria and finding value in it in that way; you don't have to have the aspirations which others have, or which you think society imposes upon you - live the life you value, follow (or find) your passions. Personally, I'm an introvert so enjoy spending time alone; however, I am currently running meetup groups as a way of helping others with anxiety-related issues, agoraphobia and similar conditions to interact with others and on that basis, I am enjoying social interaction. Whatever works for you, I hope you find it.

You ask what helped me to come out of the other side when I was without motivation? It was one day when I was at rock bottom (after an agoraphobic episode which lasted three years) and decided that I couldn't continue as I was - that if I couldn't walk out of the door and see a future, I didn't have one. Somehow, I opened the door and walked through it, since when (that was two years ago), I have ensured that I walk through that door every day (at the moment, it's difficult but not as difficult as it was that day). What motivates me now is the thought that I have already wasted too much of my life (I'm almost 56 years old) and I want to make the most of what time I have left - I'm told that when we're on our deathbeds, it's not the things we did which we regret, but the things we didn't do, so all I'm doing is reducing the number of regrets I'll have when the time comes!
 
Prairie Sky

Prairie Sky

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Hi SomersetScorpio, you mention the word "motivation" in your thread title and although I consider myself a motivated person, when depression bites, it's the loss of that motivation which has the greatest impact; do you always lack this motivation, or does it come and go? If the latter, how long have you been feeling this way?

Prairie Sky mentions wanting to help others in her post and clearly, she is living life according to her own criteria and finding value in it in that way; you don't have to have the aspirations which others have, or which you think society imposes upon you - live the life you value, follow (or find) your passions. Personally, I'm an introvert so enjoy spending time alone; however, I am currently running meetup groups as a way of helping others with anxiety-related issues, agoraphobia and similar conditions to interact with others and on that basis, I am enjoying social interaction. Whatever works for you, I hope you find it.

You ask what helped me to come out of the other side when I was without motivation? It was one day when I was at rock bottom (after an agoraphobic episode which lasted three years) and decided that I couldn't continue as I was - that if I couldn't walk out of the door and see a future, I didn't have one. Somehow, I opened the door and walked through it, since when (that was two years ago), I have ensured that I walk through that door every day (at the moment, it's difficult but not as difficult as it was that day). What motivates me now is the thought that I have already wasted too much of my life (I'm almost 56 years old) and I want to make the most of what time I have left - I'm told that when we're on our deathbeds, it's not the things we did which we regret, but the things we didn't do, so all I'm doing is reducing the number of regrets I'll have when the time comes!
Yes, 1000x yes! Gauge your life by what other people are accomplishing and enjoying and working toward, and it seems like we "mentally ill" are just doomed to worthlessness and failure. But really all of that is just a social construct. Do we really need to get married and have children, for example, to fulfill our role as women? Or do we need to go to university and get a degree and a high-powered career? That was really pushed by my family, and I felt like I'd personally let them down and disgraced them when I dropped out of college due to depression. True, my life is never going to be what they planned for me. It's not going to be "normal" in any sense of the word. But I truly believe I can find happiness and fulfillment within the limitations of my illness, as long as I can move past what other people think and how they live.

At the same time, like you said, lack of motivation is a symptom of depression. Probably one of the biggest. Wake up in the morning and think, why am I awake? Is there actually anything to accomplish today? What's the point of doing it? I'm just so tired...

According to my therapist, one of the most helpful tools to combat that is structure. Have a routine and if you need it, have someone around to make sure you stick to it. Left to myself my artwork never gets done. I often bring it over to a friend's house in the afternoons and work there. She's busy with her own thing but at least I'm not closeted away in my own space and I can just somehow concentrate way better. I have a part-time job, nothing special, but I notice that I do better, on the whole, the days that I work as opposed to the days that I don't work. I think it's the structure that does it.

Anyway! Excellent post, thank you.
 
TiredTina

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I get this quite often SS, where I have absolutely zero interest in anything and just want to be left alone and allowed to feel like that.

Take care :hug:
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I struggle with it as well. My journey through eastern philosophy made me realise that a big part of life is how we help others, but I don’t feel an urge to make this come to life. I seem to just go through the motions, and find things like job hunting emotionally exhausting.

But I have a few passion projects that I spend time on, and I keep returning to buddhism every so often. These kind of keep my mental flame lit above the pilot flame level.

And I’m grateful for sleep and my bed, they are a safe spot and a constant in life :)
 
W

Waverunner

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I hope it improves for you Somerset.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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I'm sorry things are like this for you Somerset.

For me I think finding life meaningful probably has a lot to do with feeling connected with other people... friends or even acquaintances. Not necessarily always socialising, but sometimes just passing the time of day, being involved to a small degree, and less isolated. But not everyone is the same. If there's nothing you feel like or want to do, sometimes you can start doing something and it's only once it's underway that you start to feel like doing it. Or even after you've finished, you think (well I do) ' I don't know whether I exactly enjoyed that, but I must have got something out of it because I don't regret doing it'.

I don't really know the answer, I struggle similarly at times too. I hope you find some ideas that help you with this :peace:
 
starslight

starslight

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Oct 5, 2017
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If I view myself from what society expect from me, I will be considered as "bad product" that must be immediately return to the factory. Actually I really feel this way when I was really down. I also think other people around me look at me as a big disappointment: no real job, not successful or gain lot of money like others, don't have a normal outgoing life and no need to mention about having a relationship or a boyfriend. I am such a failure and my life goes totally opposite to what the society defines "success" nowadays.

However, when I look at the reality of what has happened to me and what I am like as a person, I realized that, despite my long term depression that seems to go on forever, I shouldn't think that I am a total worthless or failure. I still have some good to contribute to others and whether they value me or give me some credit or not it doesn't matter much, I should see my own good and value myself in those aspects. Even lot of people with depression can't have 100% of normal life as society expect us to be, but it doesn't mean that we can't contribute at all or we should punish ourselves for what we didn't intentionally want it to happen to us. No one wants to be like this. It's a nightmare and really mentally suffering.

As for me, Right now I'm really worried about my financial situation which means I have to find a real job and earn money so I can go on with life. I don't work outside for years due to my depression and I can't let this go on forever.

Sometimes, I also wonder why I ever exist at all. What the purpose of life as I don't have any. Well, it is true that I have some hobbies that I enjoy doing. I know what I love to do but I can't make any money from those things and nothing can make me exciting much anymore. I don't very much enjoy life, nothing good about it but struggling. I just keep going on with my routine and help my family in some things I can do for them.

Purpose of life is what I also want to know and try to search for. I don't have any right now....all I do is just keep going....
 
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