No longer interested in my family


Wake Me Up

Apr 23, 2018
For years I have not been interested in seeing my family, I want nothing to do with them (only 1 of them is evil but she doesn't visit our family either)

I think it started after I was with that P.O.S. abusive ex and abusive ex friends after that. Then I had to deal with a neighbor that was jealous of me and stalked me (and a few others in our neighborhood)
I became scared and reclusive.
Since then I moved to a safer place and the people around here are nice. I rarely talk to anyone.
I'm always at home (except when I need to go out for groceries or other shopping necessities)

My family is nice to me (except the evil one, and everyone knows she is evil). However, I feel uncomfortable around them. I never have anything to talk about and I always word-vomit.
My beliefs are different from theirs and we don't have much in common.
It feels like I'm always doing something wrong when I see them (in example, I don't mix my drinks properly)
I'm not an alcoholic, I have drank on occasion (maybe 2 times a year?)
Sometimes I feel like they are judgmental, even though they say they are not.
They mean no harm. Sometimes they can say invalidating things, but I know deep down they are not malicious and that they do love me.

Something that I hate is when someone says and/or implies that I'm playing the blame-game, but how does someone "play the blame-game, when all they do is explain that they really did go through some shit about people attacking them?"
Another thing is, some assume that I'm acting "childish" for not visiting.
I have mental problems, I'm not acting childish, I have been through some hell-on Earth and now I'm cleaning up the mess that some others have created. I understand that we are all responsible for our actions, I'm not stupid.
My mental problems do not define me, however, it is a real thing and it does explain my symptoms and that I'm attempting to cope with them. Use mindful skills, use my meds (they do work to a degree), talk to my psychologist. I'm trying and I know that "Oh, you can't blame your mental problems on how you act" um, duh? I know this!

Take for example when someone is drunk, they have a hard time thinking clearly. OK, so they probably should not have been drinking. It does explain why they are acting stupid, but they are still responsible for their actions and some attempt really hard to be nice and be mindful of their actions. In example, when they call a cab, call an uber, or call someone they know and ask for a ride home. I hope this analogy does not offend anyone.

I think I just might visit them one at a time, but even then it's extremely hard for me. I'm scared of socializing. Again, I'm just cleaning up the mess from my past. I can't let those P.O.S. define me and my future. No one deserves that.
No one deserves to be treated like poop.
(O.K. maybe those that are evil and have hurt people, like killing or abuse, I'm not 100% certain)

It's Thanksgiving.... I feel bad for not wanting to go, I feel bad for being scared to talk to (mostly) anyone.
I hate myself and I hate my life. I'm sorry, I'm just being honest about how I'm currently feeling. I wish I were dead everyday, but I can come around and remind myself why I feel that way, it's because I'm in mental anguish and I want the pain to stop. That killing myself will not resolve things and that I do want to go on living. I have things that I want to do, and one of them is that I want to be able to cope/get-over being scared to talk to others and/or just visit.
AAaand here comes the depression, really hard now. Most of that depression is just nothing, the other pert of it I'm aware of some reasons that I'm depressed.

I hate how much physical and mental pain I'm in when I have visited them in the past. Now I just avoid them like the plague and I don't want anyone to visit.
I'm taking baby steps to improve myself, a lot has been understanding when avoiding people started and realizing that they can't control me and I can't allow myself to feel scared of them anymore. I want to start working on seeing others, and this is a hard challenge. I feel trapped, I feel scared, I feel worthless, I feel ashamed, I feel like I can't do anything right, I feel like I'm too much of a scardy-cat, I feel like everything is my fault.

I think I just needed to vent. I know the next steps, I just need to do it.


Well-known member
Jul 7, 2017
Hey I'm sorry you're suffering. I get along with my family for the most part BUT its still awkward because I'm very introverted and don't have much to say. I'm socially disoriented so I can't tell what's being implied, said about me, if its good or bad, and it makes it hard. This time of year is especially hard.