• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

No light at the end of the tunnel, only darkness...

E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Can feel the downward spiral getting worse. Been on beta blockers for a couple of weeks. Just started back on anti-depressants 3 days ago, but feeling so unwell on them.

Trying so hard to keep going for others but the truth is, I no longer want to keep going for myself or anyone else. Seeing a counsellor again but not sure it helps anymore, apart from having someone to talk to, but expensive way to have a conversation. Am being referred back to see a MH worker in the primary care team for the 4th time, having been discharged 3 times before, I don't hold out any hope that it will be any different this time.

I have numbers to ring in case of emergency but when I get to that point, I know I won't use them. I don't feel able to turn up at A&E and ask for help prior to reaching crisis point and won't care enough afterwards to do so.
 
B

Bobcambridge

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
13
Hi there
First I want to say I'm sorry you feel this way. I've dealt with someone who has suicidal tendencies many times and I can empathise.
The 3 days you've been taking the medication for is a very short time to start feeling effects of any use and any ill effects you're feeling may not be anything to do with medication. In fact they are unlikely to as most medications in my experience take at least a week to begin showing use or side effects. Not always true, but fairly common.
Do you have anyone around you can talk to or is the forum your help?
Bob
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
I've been on enough different AD's to know that they all affect me really quickly. Haven’t yet found one I could tolerate, they don't suit everyone.
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Am dreading going back to work tomorrow, only just got through last week without going into total meltdown.

Can't cope with feeling like this every day.
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2012
Messages
8,352
Location
Another planet
Sorry you are feeling so bad. Idk if you have been in the primary mental health team several times maybe you need more long term support from them ie secondary mental health team. Sound like coping with work is really tough at the moment too. I have been there too :hug5: xxxxx
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Thanks ScaredCat, sorry you have been there too, it's a horrible place to be.


Primary MH don't seem to want to refer me on to secondary MH for some reason, I think they don't consider me unwell enough... obviously something drastic has to happen before they will act.
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Primary Care were called again today and told I was waiting for an urgent appointment with them, there was nothing documented from the phone conversation I'd had with them from over a week ago. They said it might be another couple of weeks before an appointment came through - they were told I probably couldn't wait another 2 weeks and needed to see someone asap. Was informed I could just turn up and ask to see the duty worker if I felt at risk. Been with them on and off for over a year now, but never even knew that was an option....

However, afraid of what might happen if I did that. Called a MH helpline instead and spoke to someone for nearly an hour.
It helped. A bit. For a while.

But now alone with the thoughts again...
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
They must think your a pretty strong person to go through what your going through and not send immediate assistance.But it doesn't matter does it, when your suffering and think there's no choice but to get in now while panicking. The brave thing is that you called and now you are on the list for help. How long have you lived with this? A couple weeks to see someone is nothing compared to that. The trick is to stay brave and say you still need help two weeks from now when they ask how you are, ...and you want to instictively say fine. Just something to think about.
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
So fed up with being asked "what can we do to help?", "What would you like to happen" Arghh!!! If I knew that I wouldn't be feeling this bad....

The Counselling sessions don't seem to be doing anything for me now, I can't even talk to the Samaritans any more because it just all seems so pointless, going over old ground, knowing there's no resolution. It doesn't feel right, wasting their time when they could be helping someone else who can actually be helped.

What is there left when talking no longer helps..? When I say it doesn't help, I mean for the short time I'm speaking to someone, yes there is some relief, but it doesn't last - maybe it's a sign that I've finally reached the end, that there's no more 'help' to be had...
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
So sorry for how you are feeling echo66.
Understand the feeling of 'reaching the end'
Believe me there is always help to be had.
It's just not always possible to feel there is at times, and it's just such an awful lonely feeling.
We are here for you.
With all good wishes to you.
I'm praying you feel better soon.
Unique x
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Is there any point in continuing with the counselling when I am so disconnected from everything and everyone...?
 
L

lpdorch54

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2015
Messages
167
It sounds ike you have stopped thinking the counsellling is good for you and once you get that feeling it is difficult for it to work for you again. It is good you have a willing friend. It definitely sounds like you need to get help as soon as possible. It seems with the systems in place you have to push so push to get help on the tablets you are taking if you think they are no good. I hope you can push and get the help you need.
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Erratic mood swings from feeling calm and not caring.... to anxiety overdrive.... Sometimes within the space of a few hours... not liking this. Don't feel stable. Don't feel safe.
 
E

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
As one door closes... another one slams in your face...
 
Top