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No good deed...

U

unit5

Guest
I'm going to put this experience on this forum because I won't see my doctor for another month and I need some feedback on this.

The day before yesterday I went grocery shopping. There was a guy sitting on the sidewalk in the plaza and he was asking for money from passersby. I went into the grocery store and then thought I'd do something nice. I went back out to the guy and asked him if he wanted a submarine sandwich, he said yes and I asked him what kind and what he wanted to drink. I told him to wait where he was and I'd bring it back to him. I then went across the parking lot to a sub shop and ordered a roast beef sub and a carton of milk. Just as I finished paying the guy walked into the sub shop. I gave him the sandwich and milk and then he asked me a strange question. He said, "I'll give you $15 for a twenty-dollar bill". He had a smirk on his face. I feel like I tried to do something nice for someone and was taken advantage of in return. I told him I couldn't do that and left the sub shop to do my grocery shopping, but this has been bothering me over the last couple of days.

All my life people have called me "the big dummy" and laughed as they took advantage of me. I don't know if I'm a simpleton or just lacking street smarts. I've had managers at work tell me that I couldn't go on training with the other employees because I'm "slow" and they have to work with their "strong players", my family members seemed to be laughing behind my back (it was my sister who dubbed me "the big dummy"), and now a stranger that I tried to do an act of kindness for seemed to sense that I'm a bit stupid or gullible and he tried to take advantage of me. I also have this image in my head of the cashier laughing at me even though I didn't look at her.

This isn't a crisis but it's been gnawing away at me for the last two days. I don't think I'm stupid but maybe I am gullible or I can't think on my feet when dealing with people. I dunno. It makes me feel like I just want to stay inside and not have to deal with people at all.
 
D

Dottyone

Guest
:welcome: to the Forum Unit, you sound like a nice person to have as a freind. :hug:

Because you obviously care and have a nice heart, some people just take advantage of nice people and the guy you tried to help sounds like a tosser, please dont take what he said to you badly.

Not everyone is bad in the world and the world would be a nicer place if everyone was kind and considerate to others.

dont hide away at home because of that horrid man. :hug1:
 
T

toast

Guest
i relate to your experience. maybe he didn't value your gift because he just wanted the money. i don't know. a friend i'd made on a mental health unit once asked if i'd write a blank cheque for her, but that was to warn me from being overly generous with other patients.

don't give up on people or going out and try and treat it as a learning experience. its hurt your feelings but may have saved you from being taken advantage of in the future.
 
V

Verity

Guest
You have a good heart and social conscience. For those who fail to see this in you, accept your kindness with grace and have respect for this aspect of you, well, it is their loss, never yours.

Don't change who you are for anyone. Value your positive qualities and show your kindness to those deserving of it :hug5:
 
U

unit5

Guest
Thanks for your advice.

I honestly feel confused in my dealings with people. I can't "read" people, people seem like faceless blanks when I look at them and this always gets me into trouble. I also have this crazy idea that one good deed will lead to another good deed, but by the age of 53 I should know better. To top it all off, I take Clonazepam for my anxiety whenever I go someplace like the grocery store and Clonazepam tends to make me lose my inhibitions. I wonder if I would have offered a sandwich to this guy if I hadn't been on Clonazepam.

I find it outrageous that a wealthy nation like Canada has people living on the streets and yet if I try to do something concrete about it I find that the person I tried to help is just as greedy and duplicitous as the people I had to deal with at school and at work. Hardly anyone talked to me at school and I was always the outsider. The one thing that kept me going was the thought that when I was older (i.e., no longer a teenager) then people would treat me with respect and I'd treat them with respect. A perfect world. But nothing has changed, people are people.

I'll try to treat this as a learning experience, but how many learning experiences do I need? :unsure:
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
it was nothing you did wrong he just wanted money rather than food to give to his addction what you did was a nice thing don't let the bastards get you down.
 
trinny

trinny

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scotland
Hang in thete friend theres good folk out there to just look in right places what ntetests you join meet likeways folk when i feel down ny day usualy follows track learning to say jerks an move on in your iwn safe heart. You know rhetes lots of folk out thete neef an depend on help im thnkn bout doing it to wirh my art an some life skills for less fortunate street folk prey on week theres sheltets social worker home start food banks if change is what they want mbee help where it makrs a difference youl feel better to an feeel more poditive in your self belief. Hugs trin.x.
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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You did something really lovely. I dont think it was anything to do with you that the man then asked for money. He would have done the same to anyone. Doing what you did is a positive thing for you to remember. I think you need to try be proud of what you did. What he did is his issue not yours
 
U

unit5

Guest
Thanks for your replies. They help me a lot and I do appreciate them!

I went back to the same grocery store today, I didn't buy many groceries but I just needed to go along that same sidewalk again to get that experience (the negative aspect of it) out of my system. Today was a nice day, sunny and warm (-1C), and I feel better now that I didn't see that guy and I could "reclaim" the grocery store that I've been going to for years. I find that negative experiences leave negative auras around places and I just needed to clear the negativity from that particular place.

I'll remember this experience as something positive I did in the Christmas spirit and try to forget the guys rude request. Concentrate on the positive...:)
 
U

unit5

Guest
Hang in thete friend theres good folk out there to just look in right places what ntetests you join meet likeways folk when i feel down ny day usualy follows track learning to say jerks an move on in your iwn safe heart. You know rhetes lots of folk out thete neef an depend on help im thnkn bout doing it to wirh my art an some life skills for less fortunate street folk prey on week theres sheltets social worker home start food banks if change is what they want mbee help where it makrs a difference youl feel better to an feeel more poditive in your self belief. Hugs trin.x.
Trinny,

I like your idea about volunteering at a food bank. Unfortunately I've tried that in the past and in order to volunteer you need personal and professional references, neither of which I have. Incredible as it is, they've made volunteering the same as applying for a paid job. I don't have professional references because I'm self-employed (as a copy editor) and I don't know if my customers would agree to my request for references. I have no personal references as my parents are deceased and I haven't had contact with my siblings in almost twenty years (my choice).

Your comment that street people prey on the weak caught my eye and made me think twice about my idea of just going up to a street person and offering them lunch; I'll have to watch that from now on!

I wish you luck with your idea about using your art to help those less fortunate. If you need a web site designed for your art just PM me and I'll design one for you for free. I used to earn my rent designing web sites.
 
M

Mastiff mom

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There is nothing stupid about kindness though the world often scorns those with generous hearts. You are not a dummy-- you are a sensitive compassionate person. The world if full of those who think they are wise with their cold, calloused hearts. They are quite wrong. I. Hope you find support and validation here.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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As long as you take care not to be taken advantage of you'll do just fine as you are!! I found myself to be like you generous and kind but after being burnt I'm now cynical and look for ulteriar motives in everything. Im glad you can now see past your experience às a positive. Take care!
 
U

unit5

Guest
I. Hope you find support and validation here.
I already have. Thank you to all who read/replied to this thread. In my mind this event is now much less negative as I've concentrated my thoughts and memories on buying the guy a meal, not on his reaction. His reaction is his problem.
 
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