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Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
I know that it’s like a symptom to flip through friends and flip flop on emotions, blah blah. The problem I have is that I can’t tell when I’m cutting someone off for a good reason or if I’m just making stuff up again because I suddenly hate them for no reason (I’ve done that a lot). Eventually, I forget about it and move on, usually months later, and some very few times I reconnect with the person again.

How can I tell the difference? How do I know if I’m just being a piece of shit? I mean, if I have problems with literally everyone at some point, wouldn’t that mean I’m the problem, not everyone else? I’m lonely but have cut pretty much everyone off for “good reasons.”
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
Can you write out the reasons why the friendships ended?

Did they just annoy you, or did they truly do something wrong? Something that clashes with your values or morals?

Remember no one is perfect.

It may be you have had bad circles, but chances are if every friend is rejected, your expectations are too high.
 
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Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
Can you write out the reasons why the friendships ended?

Did they just annoy you, or did they truly do something wrong? Something that clashes with your values or morals?

Remember no one is perfect.

It may be you have had bad circles, but chances are if every friend is rejected, your expectations are too high.
 
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Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA

Mostly it's related to me getting my feelings hurt in some way. I tend to shut down and won't acknowledge them and/or lose all nice feelings for them. This last time was because she would message me, inviting me over and saying I should bring more alcohol because they had ran out. She had pretty much quit talking to me other than these occasions. I wasn't originally invited to hangout with her and our mutual friends, until they ran out of alcohol. The last time, I took major offense to it and pointed out to her how crappy it was. She said she knew it was crappy but wanted me to bring it anyway, even if it would hurt my feelings. Blatantly acknowledging what she was doing. This was about a month and a half ago and she's messaged several times, begging me to talk to her. I was majorly angry pretty quickly so I refused to talk to her and because I jump to one extreme to the next, basically started hating her. As I mentioned above, I flip around a lot on how I feel and I'm now over it. So I answered her last message and she apologized, acknowledging how she had been an asshole and that she pushes people away by doing that stuff. It seemed genuine, but I can't tell if I'm in the right with accepting it. I also can't tell if I over-reacted. I've cut people off because I disliked someone they were friends with and at the time, felt they were disrespecting me by hanging out with them. Even then, I knew that was a silly thought process, but it happened and I couldn't make my brain let it go.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,012
Location
Norfolk
I know that it’s like a symptom to flip through friends and flip flop on emotions, blah blah. The problem I have is that I can’t tell when I’m cutting someone off for a good reason or if I’m just making stuff up again because I suddenly hate them for no reason (I’ve done that a lot). Eventually, I forget about it and move on, usually months later, and some very few times I reconnect with the person again.

How can I tell the difference? How do I know if I’m just being a piece of shit? I mean, if I have problems with literally everyone at some point, wouldn’t that mean I’m the problem, not everyone else? I’m lonely but have cut pretty much everyone off for “good reasons.”
Sounds to me you are using emotional reasoning, that is basing your decisions on purely your feelings. You should try to ground yourself, take deep breaths and establish the facts of a situation before acting, else your brain will drive everyone away to keep you in a state of suffering.
 
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