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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

No family support, no one wants to see me do well in life

S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
72
Location
United States
If you've seen my other posts here, you know I live in a very crappy area, specifically in Pennsylvania. It's the "rust belt" and all the infrastructure is crumbling, buildings are old, people are rude and miserable, but worst of all there's a lack of decent jobs.

I have my Bachelor's in Business but I've only gotten secretary work (I'm also female). I've worked full time as a secretary for 4 years. Before that I did 2 internships in sales and marketing while in university. In between and after college I had a couple part time jobs because that's all that I could get. I'm in my late 20s and I think it's only fair that I get a job that pays decent with benefits.

My mom thinks otherwise - "You should just get any job" - but she doesn't understand that I can't keep taking low level, low pay jobs or else it will be harder to get out of it.

I want to move to another state so I've been actively applying for Executive Assistant and some writing work (I've written freelance articles and novels, not published). Right now I'm doing a pre-entry test for a Copywriter job that pays pretty normal ($40K salary with full benefits) and it's remote. So jobs like that.

My mom laughs and condescends me when I tell her I'm trying to get a job in another state, so I can have a better life. She says "Yeah right, keep dreaming" as if I'm not someone capable of doing that. Years ago I told her of an idea to go visit the places I'd like to live and she condescended me -- and I actually went. She didn't care.

She puts down everywhere that's not here. I said apartments are nicer in bigger cities, and that I'm looking at places that were built within the past few years - brand new apartments. And she said "Those places are made so cheap, they're all dumps. Give me a break. You have no idea what you're talking about".... Yet where we live is infested with bugs, there's black mold in my bedroom from severe water damage that management only painted over, the carpeting is over 30 years old, the bathroom is from the 1950s... But she's an emotionally unavailable mother. I can't talk to her about anything because she gets mad and turns everything on me. She doesn't see that I still live with her and my dad because no job pays enough here for me to be on my own.

"You're just miserable. You need to learn to appreciate the great place you live" WHAT? Infested with bugs? The roads damage our car consistently and we spend all kinds of money on repairs. I can't get a job being paid more than $12 an hour and no health insurance. I'm only a crappy secretary here.

Yet her son, my half brother, is a heavy drug addict and everyone feels sorry for him and helps him and spoils him with money and gifts. But with me? I'm looked at as the lazy, good for nothing, head in the clouds, stupid person in the family who doesn't know anything about life. Everyone makes fun of what I want. All I want is a normal life -- living here is not normal. It's a cycle of poverty and I refuse to live like this forever, or else I just want to die.

I've been trying for years to get out, and when she says stuff like that, I start believing that maybe I'm not worthy of having a better life - maybe I'm doomed to be stuck here, working crap secretary jobs until I'm 75, and being miserable.

Am I being irrational by trying to get better paying work? She thinks 4 years and 2 internships aren't enough to move up. She says "At least 15 and then you MIGHT think about moving". Wtf...I constantly hear of people jumping jobs around the country, why can't I? Many millennials aren't staying in the same place more than a few years anymore. She's not in touch with reality -- like everyone in this city, she still thinks it's 1960s and thinks I should walk into an office and hand them my resume and ask for work.

I'm losing my mind. I feel like I've worked enough to move up at least 1 or 2 short levels. This isn't fair. And if I'm only worthy of secretary work, then I just wanna be done with life. I can't live like this.
 
Avolitionist

Avolitionist

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
776
Location
USA
Sounds like your mom is afraid to lose you.

Of course you can find a better job and move if that’s what you want. :)
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,056
Location
Scotland
I think it would be best for you to quietly move ahead with your plans. You have done well in your education and deserve the rewards that go with such an achievement. Quite possibly your mum is dreading you moving away etc - some of us are like that - but she needs to be up for it to happen or she is letting you down. One of my sons used to really play on me. He was never a drug addict but lots of problems came his way. He got my support although it
was stressing me out. Now he has a partner and a daughter, his own business. He has not spoken to me for 7 years plus. Now my other kids did not get the attention he got in his teens and twenties but they all supported me through illness etc This is for your mum to learn how a troubled young man, especially an addict, can take advantage. No. She ought to be proud of you. Just you move ahead with your life.
 
S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
72
Location
United States
Thank you both kindly for your encouragement. It's so easy for me to lose sight of right and wrong when my mom is this way
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,000
Location
nowhere
Your mom probably needs you for her support so she tries to keep you from moving.

Also, take into account that she does know things (wisdom). What looks better living somewhere else usually isn't. Likely you'll pay higher cost of living expenses in better cities that have better salaries, better housing, etc... she probably knows from past experience that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and she trying to protect you.

Having to take a job that's not in your field has been happening for decades....especially for women.
 
R

rawlinsc

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
707
Location
Perth Amboy, NJ
I do not know about PA but the cost of living is very high here in NJ. I hope to go back to school for alternate route teaching or masters to be a teacher or professor when my sleep/health improves. Could you go back to school to get a masters in a good field? I know graduate school is expensive which is why I am waiting from inheritance from family. I live in supportive housing low income housing so I can live on my own. But we have had bug problems like you. No mold, though. I would much rather live here than with my grandparents because my grandparents house is hoarded. :(
 

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