W
Waste of Space
New member
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2009
- Messages
- 2
Hello All
For as long as I can remember I have always felt sad, even during times which should have been happy (graduation, getting a job) I have felt like a failure and that I should have done better. I started feeling extremely depressed at school. I was shy and did not really fit in, which led to me being bullied and ridiculed. At university I carried my bad experiences and therefore missed out on a social life. I continued on, always depressed but with a feeling that one day maybe things would change. Now I have realised that things never will change. I am 26 now and over the past two months have become more depressed than I ever thought possible. I have lost all hope and interest in life generally. I feel numb and pointless.
I think about suicide but feel it would be disrespectful to my parents if I did it now. I will need to wait until they are gone but by then I may be in my fifties. Also, they believe it is a coward’s way out and I don’t want to be thought of as a coward.
My main causes of depression are that I am not accepted by society. I will admit that I am ugly and have horrible acne scars but it still hurts when people make fun of me. Because of my shyness I struggle with all social interactions. Everyday situations like making a phone call, paying for something in a shop etc fill me with dread and result in me coming across as really odd. This results in more remarks off people which really hurt.
Being alone makes it worse. I have no one to confide in. I used to have a couple of friends but they have not been in contact for some time now. I know that they have other friends so do not need me. If they really wanted to see me they would have been in touch by now. I can’t make new friends because even if I was able to go out and socialise there is no way I could disguise the fact that I am the world’s most boring person. I have no life experiences that I could share with people.
It will be a surprise that I have a job. I often wonder myself how I was able to be employed and am I constantly worried that I will loose it. This is the reason I am unable to tell a doctor about how I feel as it would be marked in my medical records. I would then be fired and never be employed again.
I do not believe that a therapist could help either, because I think; they are being paid to sit and listen and in all honesty do not really care about the person as long as their pay check arrives. That is why I believe there is no cure.
Thank you for reading this. I hope you don’t think that I am a horrible person and I am sorry if I have caused any offence. I am not very good with words and find it difficult to put across what I mean.
For as long as I can remember I have always felt sad, even during times which should have been happy (graduation, getting a job) I have felt like a failure and that I should have done better. I started feeling extremely depressed at school. I was shy and did not really fit in, which led to me being bullied and ridiculed. At university I carried my bad experiences and therefore missed out on a social life. I continued on, always depressed but with a feeling that one day maybe things would change. Now I have realised that things never will change. I am 26 now and over the past two months have become more depressed than I ever thought possible. I have lost all hope and interest in life generally. I feel numb and pointless.
I think about suicide but feel it would be disrespectful to my parents if I did it now. I will need to wait until they are gone but by then I may be in my fifties. Also, they believe it is a coward’s way out and I don’t want to be thought of as a coward.
My main causes of depression are that I am not accepted by society. I will admit that I am ugly and have horrible acne scars but it still hurts when people make fun of me. Because of my shyness I struggle with all social interactions. Everyday situations like making a phone call, paying for something in a shop etc fill me with dread and result in me coming across as really odd. This results in more remarks off people which really hurt.
Being alone makes it worse. I have no one to confide in. I used to have a couple of friends but they have not been in contact for some time now. I know that they have other friends so do not need me. If they really wanted to see me they would have been in touch by now. I can’t make new friends because even if I was able to go out and socialise there is no way I could disguise the fact that I am the world’s most boring person. I have no life experiences that I could share with people.
It will be a surprise that I have a job. I often wonder myself how I was able to be employed and am I constantly worried that I will loose it. This is the reason I am unable to tell a doctor about how I feel as it would be marked in my medical records. I would then be fired and never be employed again.
I do not believe that a therapist could help either, because I think; they are being paid to sit and listen and in all honesty do not really care about the person as long as their pay check arrives. That is why I believe there is no cure.
Thank you for reading this. I hope you don’t think that I am a horrible person and I am sorry if I have caused any offence. I am not very good with words and find it difficult to put across what I mean.