No cure

[Waste of Space]

Hello All

For as long as I can remember I have always felt sad, even during times which should have been happy (graduation, getting a job) I have felt like a failure and that I should have done better. I started feeling extremely depressed at school. I was shy and did not really fit in, which led to me being bullied and ridiculed. At university I carried my bad experiences and therefore missed out on a social life. I continued on, always depressed but with a feeling that one day maybe things would change. Now I have realised that things never will change. I am 26 now and over the past two months have become more depressed than I ever thought possible. I have lost all hope and interest in life generally. I feel numb and pointless.

I think about suicide but feel it would be disrespectful to my parents if I did it now. I will need to wait until they are gone but by then I may be in my fifties. Also, they believe it is a coward’s way out and I don’t want to be thought of as a coward.

My main causes of depression are that I am not accepted by society. I will admit that I am ugly and have horrible acne scars but it still hurts when people make fun of me. Because of my shyness I struggle with all social interactions. Everyday situations like making a phone call, paying for something in a shop etc fill me with dread and result in me coming across as really odd. This results in more remarks off people which really hurt.

Being alone makes it worse. I have no one to confide in. I used to have a couple of friends but they have not been in contact for some time now. I know that they have other friends so do not need me. If they really wanted to see me they would have been in touch by now. I can’t make new friends because even if I was able to go out and socialise there is no way I could disguise the fact that I am the world’s most boring person. I have no life experiences that I could share with people.

It will be a surprise that I have a job. I often wonder myself how I was able to be employed and am I constantly worried that I will loose it. This is the reason I am unable to tell a doctor about how I feel as it would be marked in my medical records. I would then be fired and never be employed again.

I do not believe that a therapist could help either, because I think; they are being paid to sit and listen and in all honesty do not really care about the person as long as their pay check arrives. That is why I believe there is no cure.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you don’t think that I am a horrible person and I am sorry if I have caused any offence. I am not very good with words and find it difficult to put across what I mean.

 

[trombone_babe]

Hi and to the forum. You poor thing, suffering all this time and presumably not sought any help. It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression, not that I'm an expert, I've just been there.

It will be a surprise that I have a job. I often wonder myself how I was able to be employed and am I constantly worried that I will loose it. This is the reason I am unable to tell a doctor about how I feel as it would be marked in my medical records. I would then be fired and never be employed again.

Firstly let me say that if you go to the doctor for depression, yes it will be marked on your medical records, but that is not a reason for you to be fired. They do not have to know at work unless you want to tell them. In fact, if you get treatment for depression you will probably be better at your job, which will (hopefully) stop you worrying so much about losing it.

I definitely know how it feels to have such low self-esteem. But bear in mind that everyone is their own harshest critic. Your lack of confidence makes you believe all the things you have said in your post. Others may not see things in the same way. You and your friends may simply have drifted away from each other, as happens to everyone at various points in their life.

I really think you need to go and see your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling. Depression is treatable. Really it is. I know that is going to be hard for you to do. Remember that doctors see this sort of thing all the time, they are not going to find it at all strange. If they give you tablets, don't be scared of that. Talk to us on here about things, we've all been there or thereabouts so we understand.

By the way, I don't think you are a horrible person and you come across as intelligent and articulate. You certainly won't have caused offence on here.

Let us know how you get on.

 

[Sugar Coated Owl]

First of all I want to give you a (((HUG))) well done on making your first post, I'm guessing it took a lot of courage to do so.

I agree with trombone babe, I really do think the next step you should take is seeing your GP. If you feel like you can't talk about your problems, print off your post and take it with you. Could you tell us what your job is? I was worried that I would lose my job but I still have it and they know a fair amount about what is wrong with me. I'm not sure they can simply get rid of you for being unwell anyway, there must be some law that protect us.

Have you had a look at online CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)?

Please feel free to post here and chat to us. We're a friendly bunch

 

[Soren]

hi friend, i agree with the previous posts in their entirety - you seem like the sort of person that most people like the most, if thats not too embarrassing a thing to say.

by the way, you employers don't need to know anything about your visit to the doctor, should you decide to go. completely confidential.

and in any case, even if you wanted to tell your employer, depression is acceptable nowadays among all but the most backward and ignorant.

you're doing brilliantly and once you get help, you'll be able to start to challenge the condition you're in, and it will start to improve.

all the best.

 

[Anastassia Florine]

I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! You'd think that when you grow up and associate with grownups more, people stop picking on you. But sometimes, they don't.


Don't be a slave to your parents. Are you a slave to your parents about other things too? But you don't have to commit suicide either; there are so many people who will accept you for who you are; just believe me. I know you're probably not an Aspie (person with Asperger's Syndrome), but let me use wrongplanet.net as an example. I was picked on by literally about 120 people as a kid, and that was most of the kids I got to associate with directly. Then at 19 I started going on WP regularly and suddenly I had about 100 friends. And they were all genuine, real friends.


I also TOTALLY get how you feel sad at graduation and that instead of happy. I also feel like, I or my parents had invested so much in my education and I had let us down, and it was so sad and such a waste; my beloved education! As for getting a job, I sometimes, when I get something, mourn it immediately even though I am very happy to have it, because I feel that I will lose it.

 

[starfish]

dolores

in my opinion it seems that you are suffering from depression and low self esteem and poor self image. a visit to your gp is well in order and a refferal to a dermatologist to treat your acne scars. there is no shame in being depressed and as 1 in 4 people will experience mental health problems shows how common this is. well done for being in work i unfortunately lost my job of 20 years due to mental ill health which is hard to come to terms with best of luck to you and you can use this site as starting place to fiinding some new friends.

 

[Waste of Space]

Hello. Thanks for all the replies and advice. Sorry I took a while to reply. I felt pretty stupid after posting and thought I had done the wrong thing. I really appreciate the support. I have not made it to the doctors yet but it feels better to know some people understand.

 

[schizolanza]

to the forum.