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No chill...

C

change

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
39
From the outside my life looks pretty boring. I am a shut in. I keep to myself. I complete puzzle books and watch reality shows and there's not a lot of drama here. No kids, no relationship, no pets. Drama free is what I strive to be.

But inside I am never, ever calm. I didn't even know this about myself until recently. I am always heartbroken, I am always nervous, and it's just shocking.

I deliberately avoid drama of every sort. I don't express any other emotion except for happiness around other people. (I think emotions are contagious and I have a guilt complex about it).

But I am very nearly always suicidal (probably a decade or more of that), chronically lonely and unable to trust other people. At all.

CPTSD is why I'm like this and I wouldn't wish this on anybody. There's never a calm moment inside my head.

At least I'm aware, I guess.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
278
Location
On The Train
Are you going to therapy for it? I carried my PTSD for a long time by myself but when I finally went to therapy i was given an outlet and caring and compassionate person to talk to. My therapist helped gave me CPT (Cognitive processing therapy) for PTSD and it gave me tools I use when I feel that I am being overtaken by my symptoms.
 
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