nightmares, flashbaks, and panic attacks from shows.

R

rosa1347

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Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
6
#1
Hey everyone,

So... i'm finally pregnant with my second baby. i'll be 14 weeks in just a couple days and in light of my loss this past spring you'd think i'd be overjoyed and i keep trying to be but the last two weeks have been hell.

When i had my son, i was with someone that, the day i told him about he baby, decided to start beating me on a daily. Before it was random and mostly mental and verbal abuse and why i stayed i still can't tell anyone.. i was so deep in, i can't look back without feeling ashamed i didn't have enough sense to just get up and leave when i saw the positive and never tell him a thing... but the past is the past... or at least thats what i thought.

I've had almost 6 years to cope with everything that has happened, not only during that part of my life but before and i've gotten through so so so much. I'm on antidepressants and i'm taking better care of myself and i'm happy. I thought i had finally gotten past everything but i guess my brain is stuck or something.

a couple weeks ago i started having nightmares... you see my mom lives like four blocks from where he lives and i know he's walking by her house on a regular and in these dreams, we are visiting my mom and he comes up and kills me, hurts me in front of my babies or tries to take my son or tries to kill my baby....

normally i would look for triggers..but the only one i can land on is simply that.. i'm pregnant.. and although the nightmares are starting to stop, i find myself having near panic attacks watching house or a movie that has any kind of confrontational antagonist.worse yet if a little kid gets hurt.

now i asked my doctor about this and she said it sounded like the pregnancy hormones and my ptsd are to blame.. considering the hell i went through when i was pregnant with my son. All she said was she recommends counseling.. but i can't drive in larger cities without having panic attacks while driving.. so i can't.. because all of the therapists near me are in a really big city and i'll end up killing someone else or myself trying to get there...

normally i try to talk to my husband about these things but he has depressive issues too and so when i say anything about being down or feeling anxious or having these issues, he basically takes it like there is something more he could be doing and it causes him to crash just a bit... so i tend to keep it to myself now.. or try to get online and vent and hope someone has an answer.

i've had enough therapy to know what outlets i have, and i try my best to use them but so far they work for the day but at night.. it honestly kicks my butt.. and i've lost so much sleep because of it i can barely stand to get up to take my son to school..

idk if anyone can help in here but i know talking helps and i don't know if i can fix something that i have no control over... it sucks.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

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Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
297
Location
Minnesota, USA
#2
@rosa1347

First, congrats on the pregnancy and wishing you the best and a healthy baby 🙂

From an experience, I have more nightmares when I don’t get enough sleep. Have you tried melatonin?

Why don’t you avoid triggers? Watch something other than drama. I was advised by my psychologist to watch comedy or something funny before going to bed. It helps to have quick and pleasant bedtime.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.
 
Mischief

Mischief

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#3
I think your concerns are very valid. I'd suggest that you contact a victim support programme to develop a plan to ensure that you and your kids remain safe. Having such a plan will assist in reducing the anxiety around the situation.

You can call 211 if you live in the USA and they will give you the most appropriate contacts for the situation you are dealing with.

Unfortunately it's often easier for doctors to blame your mental health condition rather than looking at the things that are happening around your life. While it's probably a mixture of both, by managing the situation to minimise risk you'll feel a lot safer.

Good luck and please do keep us in touch with how things are going!