Newby with Bipolar

Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
I've very recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. They aren't sure yet whether it's I or II and so they haven't prescribed meds BUT have put me forward for councelling.
I had my first serious depressive episode about 2 years ago and was put on antidepressants (citalopram) and after about 4 weeks, I started to feel better - was on top of the world, number one, noone was better than me, began spending insane amounts of money, slept around and thought the government was spying on me through use of CD's so started washing them in the sink with lemonade. I stopped taking the AD's after this and it carried on for about 2 months, when I started to 'come down' and returned to being me.
Anyways, now I'm in a depressive episode and it's worse than the last one and my doctor, councellor, therapist etc have told me too carry on with the AD's until my bipolar meds can be sorted. I've tried committing suicide 3 times in the last 10 days and have fresh new cuts on my wrist, have lost 3 friends because of this illness - the last one was my closest friend and even though he's apologised and said he wants to be my friend again and should have everything to live for (so I'm told anyways), I barely eat, I'm constantly tired, crying, planning my death and funeral, feeling sick etc - I'm finding it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.

I'm just wondering is there a light at the end of this tunnel really? My boyfriend anf friends are worried sick too. :unsure:

Thanks!
Lozzi
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
i can tell you i have felt the hopelessness you describe and have had it lift and i felt much better.
will it ever get better forever and always? it hasnt for me, i go up and down, i feel good, then i feel great, then i feel good, then i feel down. the meds, for me, dont stop the bp cycles, but they dull them enough to be bearable.

i doubt you'll always feel as down as you do today. it will take a few weeks for your meds to work, though. so yeah, theres a light down there, but its not the end of the tunnel. it is a bright spot though!

:welcome:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Lucid is right, the meds take a little time to work and it can be hard. I've been bipolar for too many years to want to remember but I'm stable for the time being and coping quite well. That's down to the right meds and the support from the guys here as well as the people in the real world.

Do remember when it's dark and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel that because you're right in the middle of it and keep moving in the right direction and you will see it.
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
i remember feelin like ther was no light at the end of the tunnel, but i used to say well i`ll probably just get used to havein a crappy life. well it was along time ago now but things change, i found new jobs, new hobbies and plenty of new friends. everytime these new things came up all the past and emotions i was feeling just went right out the window.

try to relax and maybe take in some kind of alternative medication that you need to get out the house for.
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
Thanks! I suppose it's knocked me back having been diagnosed with something like this. Knowing that there's so many people out there with bipolar who are stable and leading normal lives is quite good to know. Still feel hopeless today, but I'm hoping it will change soon.
Thanks again

Lozzi:flowers:
xxx
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Lozzi take time to get used to the diagnosis. It took me years and I fought against it a long time. I eventually learned I should be fighting the illness and not the diagnosis. Scott has suggested alternative medicine but you should always check out that with your GP/Psych as they can have counterindications. Don't give yourself a hard time and just do one thing everyday for yourself. Me, I kiss my cats feet everyday because I love their softness and there is 4 cats to get round so it keeps me occupied a while!
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
Thanks Dollit! I'll ask my GP/psych about the alternative medicines :). Hmm, I'll try and think of one thing too do for myself and see how it goes - awww pussy cats ^.^ dead cute!

Thankies :flowers:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
My consultant is convinced that without my cats I'd be dead a long time ago. I can leave people behind but not my cats, one of them would never settle with anyone else so as long as she lives then I do. And by that time there'll be another dependent baby for me to love. Never underestimate to power of love.
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
i was just thinkin of acupuncture or reiki to carm you down a bit (if ur even feelin really high strung), you dont need to ask your doctor about those.
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
@ scottsblue: lol, when i think of 'alternative medication i have to leave the house for' i think of something entirely different than rieki or acupuncture.
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
sorry people, but acupuncture is good its saved my skin a couple of times. it all depends where ur problems actually lay for which (therapy) you go to:D.
 
D

Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
Hi Lozzi

hi and welcome :) to this fiendly site. I like u are new to this and find it very hard, i have bi polar, altho my shrink, soz cant spell the proper name.. lol.. or rather 2 lazy to find the dictionary and look it up..lol..says i am borderline because i tend to spend most of my time in the down side of bi polar altho in the past have had my highs and like everyone else felt great on top off the world, invinceable gone on spending sprees made silly decisions an irrational thoughts, but lucky for me i can now tell when the high moods come that they are not real, they are not the real me!!!! i am a very sensible careful person normally, but change when on a high, even tho it feels great i know deep down its not right... i take reboxetine anti d for my depression and depakote to keep my mood stable, but on the odd occassion when i go on the high which i know feels great, but its not good for my mental health, i take olanzapine for a few weeks, this brings me back down to earth.. hope u get ur meds sorted soon, do try persiver with them cos they can take a while to kick in and if u have the chance for counselling, try it, it works 4 me sometimes its nice to off load on an outsider, but do come on here and let us know how u doin, u will be amazed at how many ppl can show empthaty to how u feeling....hang in there..
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
thers nothing wrong with feeling high dashem, i bet ther isnt a person in the world that feels the same 24 hours a day all ther life.

dont you think its normal for people to go out at the weekend all dressed up feeling good cos they look nice?
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
I can't quite get over just how nice everyone is on here... I've just burst out crying at work :redface:
oOoOo scottsblue, acupuncture *shudders* i hate needles, everytime I have to go for a blood test I freak out :s but reiki I quite like the sound of :) thanks!
xxx :flowers:
 
I

Isca

Member
Founding Member
Joined
May 23, 2008
Messages
11
Location
Norfolk, UK.
Anti Depressants (ADs)

Hello! My psychiatrists do not recommend ADs at all. S/he say that ADs are well known to make symtoms worse in Bi-P., which is why I am never prescribed them; because last time I was prescribed them by my GP I got worse.
Do you have an advocate?
Jx
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Antidepressants can be of value when the main root of the problem is depression. Not everyone who is bipolar has the same intensity of mood swings or symptoms. My "highs" aren't readily recognized as a high because I tend not to get euphoric and rarely become grandiose and I can always (at least these days) keep a lid on my spending. Everyone has to be treated as an individual and what doesn't work for one will work for another.
 
I

Isca

Member
Founding Member
Joined
May 23, 2008
Messages
11
Location
Norfolk, UK.
Exactly.

That's what I love about this site; different folks, different strokes. I s'pose that's why Bi-P is like a spectrum, depending where one is on the spectrum depends whether you're more receptive to ADs, anti-psychotics (ie. me) or other meds.
Thanks, coz I feel able to give more specific ADs a go, if necessary. :eek:)
 
ellamental

ellamental

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 31, 2008
Messages
70
Location
midlands
BPII Beautiful People Disorder...grandiose ideas? me?

Hi Lozzi:welcome:
hang on in there lovely...only lovely people have bp! Meds..like Dollit said...can be useful for some but there is also an argument that antidepressants make the highs worse in bp's ..but it is all such a personal thing and takes forever to fine tune...to work out how and if your medication is working for you. I was on anti d's for many years and they did help with depression but I felt a bit numb as well...and no interest in hanky panky while on them! At the moment for the times when I am high and low at the same time..more panicky (although not panic attacks) I take diazepam and these are bloody fantastic! But a bit of an emergency fix, once in a while, rather than a long term solution. I also take stuff for sleeping as insomnia is an ongoing problem.

I too have had loony tunes days where I have slept with people I shouldn't have, drank too much and generally thought I was pretty fabulous and indestructable. Then there are real paraniod times...at the moment I am careful about what I look at on the net because I have convinced myself someone has put spyware on my computer and is checking everything I do...like they would really chose my bank account to hack into when it is always up to its overdraft limit...but logic doesnt enter when you are off there does it. Self esteem is another area of trouble...confident, happy, business woman of the year, socialite, fantastic friends (some I have had most of my life) funny and up there ...and then...miserable, fat and ugly, not as bright as I thought I was, not as talented as I thought I was, inactive and not a good mother, not as valued by friends as I thought I was and so on. It is easy to convince yourself either way and the battle for me is in keeping it reigned and as near to the middle line as possible.

Dashem..can I ask something about what you said...how do you know when the highs are coming? Do you keep a diary...is there a pattern?

Sorry for going on and on and one last thing..the diagnoses is a hard one to accept but you are still YOU and with the diagnoses you can read up and work it out which I am doing too. Reading 'You dont have to be famous to have manic depression' at the moment. It is light hearted but there has been several 'yes..that is me' moments.

take good care of yourself
Ella:)
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2008
Messages
1,850
Location
Yorkshire, UK
They've told me as soon as my bipolar meds are sorted they'll take me off the citalopram but they don't want me without any meds whatsoever especially with me being extremely suicidal :unsure: I was a bit worried because it was the AD's that set off my mania last time. Originally they thought it was the AD's causing it so they stopped them but it carried on for months after so they were out of my system.
The citalopram is now causing hallucinations so the quicker I'm off of them the better really!

I hate the paranoia! I get it at both sides of the spectrum and both are as bad as each other! When I'm having "looney tooney" (i loved that :)) days the paranoia is that people are spying on me and it's hard to get me to eat or take meds because I'm sure someone was trying to poison me *sighs* :redface: Now it's that my boyfriends cheating on me or he's not talking to me etc.

Mine usually come straight after a depressive episode, but again that isn't a certainity! Do you keep a diary?

Thanks Ellamental :hug: my friends always say that to me, I may have bipolar but I'm still me :) it's just an added extra lol!
 
ellamental

ellamental

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 31, 2008
Messages
70
Location
midlands
me me me it all about me....tell me, what do you think about me

hi there fellow looney tune!:D
It sounds rough with hallucinations. Whats the hold up with new meds again?

I have been keeping a diary for a friend and it is obvious there are some triggers and patterns but nothing definitive really. Strangely I havnt been keeping one for me! I might start today as have been thinking about doing it for some time and really it only takes a few mins a day doesn't it. My psych whose thing is BP did recommend I do this but kinda forgot.

Feeling paranoid is one of th worst bits...I guess you have to think why would this person WANT to spy on me or you, why would they want to cheat on me, not talk to me. He is your boyfriend becasue he wants to be..he has a choice in that doesnt he. He is there because despite thinking you are not, you are worth his time and attention and I am sure he wouldnt piosen you....more likely to push you off a bridge!!! Wel thats my chosen paranoid way that my partner would get rid of me..but it changes daily! A lovely man I know told me a long time ago that he says to himself..this is an illness and it will pass...I almost chant it...and it does pass. I still hurt people with my madness sometimes by accusing or implying and this does not help the paranoia, just makes you feel bad about it. Its all about trust isnt it and I find that hard.

Anyway..its that me me me thing..

me me me it all about me
what do you think about me?

Made me laugh, good luck with the meds and stay with us. When I have been suicidal, and it hasnt been too often luckily, it was my children and the vivid picure of them finding me that stopeed me in my tracks.

Off to have a nice toasted sandwich in the garden
Ella :tea:
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
P Bipolar Forum 1
C Bipolar Forum 5
Azelka Bipolar Forum 4
Sadkittygirl1928 Bipolar Forum 5
Azelka Bipolar Forum 1

Similar threads


Top