R
Raq201214
New member
Hi, I am a newby so I hope you all don't mind me coming on here and asking for some help and advice.
I have previously had some struggles in the past with my own anxiety but I have been able to combat that. I am in a long term relationship with my partner for over 5 years and we live together in our own little house with our two crazy dogs. Last year my partner became very low and down and as a result ended it with me because he said he did not want to be with me. Of course I left and within those couple days if he leaving he called to say he had taken himself to the doctors where he was told he had been suffering with depression and was given Anti-Depressant tablets for 1 month. He opened up to me and was very sorry for what had happened and knew he needed help in the end. Cut a long story short I came back and did my best to help in any way I could. After 1 month he did not take any more medication and changed his career etc and found himself in a much better place. Fast forward to July 2020 and I was happily carrying on with life and coping with lockdown as best we can and I noticed he had become very irritated by me.
A couple weeks ago I asked him what was up and if he had become irritated by lockdown and if so I was going to try go back to work if work would allow me. I was hit with a bombshell similar to last year were I was told he is irritated by me just being around him and he sometimes wakes up just like that. That he looks at me and asks if he ever sees himself marrying me and the answer is no and he doesn't want to go away next year as planned with family that was booked a few weeks before and he was happy about or so I though. He said he doesnt know if lockdown is causing this or not as we still are working from home.
Since then he is very much up and down. I have tried to talk (I don't shout or argue with him)to try to understand him and he hates talking. His family have picked up on how he is at the moment and when I have asked about what it is he feels all he says if he feels constantly agitated. He point blank refuses to acknowledge his mental health and that lockdown as sort of triggered this. I have also tried asking him does he want me to walk away and he said sometimes he wants to be with me and other times he doesn't.
I guess I am on here asking for any help, advice or guidance. Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything I can and could do differently? With his refusal to open up or acknowledge this could be similar to what happened last year, as a partner am I approaching this the wrong way and also how do I stop myself from falling into my own issues of worry/anxiety and worthlessness with some of the harsh comments he makes. I now find myself second guessing him when he is quiet and I think 'okay I will leave him be' or he is really happy and then I think 'is it a cover, is he happy today..'
I am at a bit of a loss and any advice, help or guidance from anyone who has or is in a similar situation to me would be so appreciated or anyone who reads this and associates with it in that they are similar in terms of my partner and what helps them and what they expect from their other half that helps them get past the anxiety/agitated/constant overthinking.
Any help would be so appreciated
x
I have previously had some struggles in the past with my own anxiety but I have been able to combat that. I am in a long term relationship with my partner for over 5 years and we live together in our own little house with our two crazy dogs. Last year my partner became very low and down and as a result ended it with me because he said he did not want to be with me. Of course I left and within those couple days if he leaving he called to say he had taken himself to the doctors where he was told he had been suffering with depression and was given Anti-Depressant tablets for 1 month. He opened up to me and was very sorry for what had happened and knew he needed help in the end. Cut a long story short I came back and did my best to help in any way I could. After 1 month he did not take any more medication and changed his career etc and found himself in a much better place. Fast forward to July 2020 and I was happily carrying on with life and coping with lockdown as best we can and I noticed he had become very irritated by me.
A couple weeks ago I asked him what was up and if he had become irritated by lockdown and if so I was going to try go back to work if work would allow me. I was hit with a bombshell similar to last year were I was told he is irritated by me just being around him and he sometimes wakes up just like that. That he looks at me and asks if he ever sees himself marrying me and the answer is no and he doesn't want to go away next year as planned with family that was booked a few weeks before and he was happy about or so I though. He said he doesnt know if lockdown is causing this or not as we still are working from home.
Since then he is very much up and down. I have tried to talk (I don't shout or argue with him)to try to understand him and he hates talking. His family have picked up on how he is at the moment and when I have asked about what it is he feels all he says if he feels constantly agitated. He point blank refuses to acknowledge his mental health and that lockdown as sort of triggered this. I have also tried asking him does he want me to walk away and he said sometimes he wants to be with me and other times he doesn't.
I guess I am on here asking for any help, advice or guidance. Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything I can and could do differently? With his refusal to open up or acknowledge this could be similar to what happened last year, as a partner am I approaching this the wrong way and also how do I stop myself from falling into my own issues of worry/anxiety and worthlessness with some of the harsh comments he makes. I now find myself second guessing him when he is quiet and I think 'okay I will leave him be' or he is really happy and then I think 'is it a cover, is he happy today..'
I am at a bit of a loss and any advice, help or guidance from anyone who has or is in a similar situation to me would be so appreciated or anyone who reads this and associates with it in that they are similar in terms of my partner and what helps them and what they expect from their other half that helps them get past the anxiety/agitated/constant overthinking.
Any help would be so appreciated
x
hoping for some clarity and happiness to come my way soon.
