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Newbie

R

RockQueen

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
3
Location
UK
Hi,
Am very nervous about joining a forum! My mental health has suffered quite badly over last 10 or so years. I’m not on any medication but have had counseling for PTSD and Reactive Depression. I am 43 years old. Married with 2 grown up kids. My parents divorced when I was in my 20s and it wasn’t a good divorce. Dad remarried someone 7 years older than me and went on to have 2 more kids who are younger than my own kids. Mum has always been a controlling person, remarried but I remained closer to her than my dad as my mum managed to turn me against him during the divorce. Lately I feel whatever I do I am never going to be good enough as a daughter! I own my own business, that my mum seems to have a lot to say about! She follows me on social media and criticizes whatever I post on my page especially if it’s personal! Always makes me feel like the bad guy and seems to always start confrontations with me over the most ridiculous things. Talks to me like I’m a child. If I try to defend myself or stand up to her she turns it all round on me and blames me or says I’m in the wrong and won’t admit it. Whenever I try to tell her how I’m feeling she plays the victim and makes out she doesn’t care what I think. I have lost two pregnancies and both times she’s told me to get over it and that they weren’t really babies. She wasn’t there for me emotionally at all and kept telling me I was wallowing in it and needed to stop thinking about it. When she can’t control me she’s controls my step brother or her own grandkids. What do I do because I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering with it all? Oh she also copies my hair colour which may seem really daft to mention but it really pees me off! Any advise (please be kind) would be great.
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
1,353
Location
Argentina
If you feel like you can ignore your mother I encourauge to do it. I mean, stop talking with her.

I have a love/hate relationship with my mother, she is passive agressive, she puts me down everytime, I tell her "hey, we should fix that door", and she says "yea, but you dont know how to do it, you need to learn how to do it, its not just do things like if you know", and Im very good doing woodworking, Ive fix her furniture multiple times, but now she start with this idea that I dont know how to do it.

Sometimes I think "F-it, its just impossible to talk with her", and Ive had dark thoughts, but I know she just cant be a nice person, she "doesnt do it on porpouse". Long story.

If you are not very attached to her Ill just ignore her.

Have you confroted her ? What about blocking her on Facebook ? And explaning her why you have done that ?
 
soul searching

soul searching

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
1,055
Location
Clearwater, Florida
Hi and :welcome: Rockqueen. Sorry you are in such a bad place. Your mother sounds very abusive. Can you move out?
 
R

RockQueen

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
3
Location
UK
Hi and :welcome: Rockqueen. Sorry you are in such a bad place. Your mother sounds very abusive. Can you move out?
I don’t live with her, I moved out when I was 19 - I’m 43 now and she still manages to really push my buttons and make me feel like I’m in the wrong all the time. I video called her last week and the first thing she says is “your fringe needs cutting it’s in your eyes, and you need to wear make up and start looking after your skin or you’ll end up looking 90” Jeez thanks Mum 🤷‍♀️
 
R

RockQueen

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
3
Location
UK
If you feel like you can ignore your mother I encourauge to do it. I mean, stop talking with her.

I have a love/hate relationship with my mother, she is passive agressive, she puts me down everytime, I tell her "hey, we should fix that door", and she says "yea, but you dont know how to do it, you need to learn how to do it, its not just do things like if you know", and Im very good doing woodworking, Ive fix her furniture multiple times, but now she start with this idea that I dont know how to do it.

Sometimes I think "F-it, its just impossible to talk with her", and Ive had dark thoughts, but I know she just cant be a nice person, she "doesnt do it on porpouse". Long story.

If you are not very attached to her Ill just ignore her.

Have you confroted her ? What about blocking her on Facebook ? And explaning her why you have done that ?
I always felt I had a better relationship with my dad when I was a kid. It changed when I became a teenager and I got closer to my mum. Then they divorced when I was in my 20s, their constant arguing was why I moved out at 19! For a while my mum and I got on really well but then something changed in her, she became very critical, putting me down and making comments that were hurtful but she seemed completely unaware. I let a lot of stuff go up until I was about 35 and then something in me flipped and I started standing up for myself and she didn’t like that. Trouble is she’ll always make me feel like I’m in the wrong for reacting to her behaviour rather than seeing she’s in the wrong for triggering my reaction. She has to have the final word in everything so my only power is blocking her from being able to have that. So the minute she starts anything I block her number or on Facebook so she cannot respond to me. It gives me time to cool off that way but she never ever apologizes or admits she’s wrong so I’m banging my head against a brick wall. I have explained how I feel but she has such thick skin I honestly don’t think she cares! She lives very close to me and my husband works full time in my step dad’s business and my step dad works part time for me so it’s not as easy as not seeing her again. In a few days she’s act like this latest thing hasn’t happened like she usually does after we’ve fallen out. My weakness is caring too much about everyone and no matter how hard I try I can’t turn my feelings off like a tap. If only it were that easy 🤔
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
1,353
Location
Argentina
I always felt I had a better relationship with my dad when I was a kid. It changed when I became a teenager and I got closer to my mum. Then they divorced when I was in my 20s, their constant arguing was why I moved out at 19! For a while my mum and I got on really well but then something changed in her, she became very critical, putting me down and making comments that were hurtful but she seemed completely unaware. I let a lot of stuff go up until I was about 35 and then something in me flipped and I started standing up for myself and she didn’t like that. Trouble is she’ll always make me feel like I’m in the wrong for reacting to her behaviour rather than seeing she’s in the wrong for triggering my reaction. She has to have the final word in everything so my only power is blocking her from being able to have that. So the minute she starts anything I block her number or on Facebook so she cannot respond to me. It gives me time to cool off that way but she never ever apologizes or admits she’s wrong so I’m banging my head against a brick wall. I have explained how I feel but she has such thick skin I honestly don’t think she cares! She lives very close to me and my husband works full time in my step dad’s business and my step dad works part time for me so it’s not as easy as not seeing her again. In a few days she’s act like this latest thing hasn’t happened like she usually does after we’ve fallen out. My weakness is caring too much about everyone and no matter how hard I try I can’t turn my feelings off like a tap. If only it were that easy 🤔
Sorry, dnt know what to say 😕. If u think she deserves to be ignored I encorauge u to ignore her. I know its not easy to live with the void of the love of a parent, and u gonna try she understands you. And anyway listen to her is gonna annoy you. I wish to have words to help you, hope someone gives u a good advice.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
Hi,
Am very nervous about joining a forum! My mental health has suffered quite badly over last 10 or so years. I’m not on any medication but have had counseling for PTSD and Reactive Depression. I am 43 years old. Married with 2 grown up kids. My parents divorced when I was in my 20s and it wasn’t a good divorce. Dad remarried someone 7 years older than me and went on to have 2 more kids who are younger than my own kids. Mum has always been a controlling person, remarried but I remained closer to her than my dad as my mum managed to turn me against him during the divorce. Lately I feel whatever I do I am never going to be good enough as a daughter! I own my own business, that my mum seems to have a lot to say about! She follows me on social media and criticizes whatever I post on my page especially if it’s personal! Always makes me feel like the bad guy and seems to always start confrontations with me over the most ridiculous things. Talks to me like I’m a child. If I try to defend myself or stand up to her she turns it all round on me and blames me or says I’m in the wrong and won’t admit it. Whenever I try to tell her how I’m feeling she plays the victim and makes out she doesn’t care what I think. I have lost two pregnancies and both times she’s told me to get over it and that they weren’t really babies. She wasn’t there for me emotionally at all and kept telling me I was wallowing in it and needed to stop thinking about it. When she can’t control me she’s controls my step brother or her own grandkids. What do I do because I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering with it all? Oh she also copies my hair colour which may seem really daft to mention but it really pees me off! Any advise (please be kind) would be great.
Welcome here!
You never deserved that.
She sounds awful. And jealous of you. Ugh.
I'm so sorry for your losses. That's so sad.
We are glad you are here ✌
 
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