Newbie Saying Hello

[ColdandAlone]

Like most I feel isolated and alone, no real friends, although I really don't like being around people anymore, I find interacting with people so draining, I no longer see the joy or have a sense of humour. Up until about 6 years ago I was outgoing, friendly, not shy etc. Then I was bullied and harassed on a daily basis by 5 neighbours and their 4 dogs for 3 years, during which time my Dad passed away rather quickly. I couldn't take it, I spoke to police, authorities, people, I told them I was drowning but no one listened. No one helped. I tried to take my own life and ended up in hospital for 8 weeks. 3 years later I was staring to deal with life better, starting to heal. I have a dog and he has helped me tremendously, without him I doubt I would still be here. But as always life just can't be nice. I keep myself to myself, avoid neighbours and people as much as possible. I live in a ground floor flat that I bought 20 years ago. We have communal gardens. One neighbour is causing me problems and my mental health has just crashed, I am in a very dark place, wondering why, I avoid, ignore, stay out of the way, make myself small, why is this not enough, why do people still feel the need to make your world miserable. His daughters boyfriend has rented the flat above him recently, both the daughter and the boyfriend have kids from previous relationships. Only he and I ever use the rear garden. Due to covid and I being a vulnerable adult I had to shield so have been using the garden more the past few months. The three of them have decided that they want me to stop using the garden so they can have it for their personal use. He has already taken over the car park with numerous cars, now he wants the garden. Management Company have let him. No one in authority is willing to help, they have spread lies and gossip about me, so now the people who live around me who once left me alone, now there pointing laughing and staring. No helping my emotions, I dread going outside, try to sneak around as much as I can. I'm hurting so bad inside. How do you deal with the pain? Thanks for letting me unburden. I actually feel a little better. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 91323]

Hello coldandalone. I am so sorry for all you have been through. Loosing your dad is so painful. I am glad you have your dog as I know animals provide a lot of comfort.

Your experiences with your neighbours are terrible. They are all bullying you. I can totally understand why this is making you unhappy. You should not have to avoid going out. You should feel free in your own home. I do not know what can be done in such situations. Have you tried contacting citizens advice? Hopefully somebody will post who can be of more help.

 

[EverybodyHurts]

Hello and welcome to the forum 🙂
I'm glad you have felt better by sharing your story, and am sorry that you are going through problems with your neighbour. Have you spoken to the management company about it? Citizens advice bureau might be a good place to try also.
It's good that you have a dog - pets are such a comfort aren't they? 🙂 Does it help to go for walks with him?

 

[ColdandAlone]

Thank you for replying. My dog really helps my mood, he's amazing, even though he's not actually a therapy dog as such, he knows when I need help. Yes I have spoken to the management company, they are of little help, truthfully there not interested, they just want their money nothing more, greed. I do have the right to use the garden, but the neighbour makes it difficult, they use intimidation, stand and stare at you make you feel uncomfortable, invite their friends over to do the same. I feel so powerless, scared and alone, I usually end up in tears as I have done nothing wrong so can't understand why they want to hurt me. I just want to have a quiet life. I don't drink, don't play music, very rarely watch tv, I prefer books and my laptop. Never used to be like this. I used to love going out, music, noise, chatting with people. But since the abuse from the other neighbours which started 2014 I have become a completely different person. I love taking him for walks first thing in the morning, just him and me, it's so peaceful, not a soul in sight. Never done anything like this before, but I knew I needed to reach out. So thank you for being here.

 

[LokiPokey75]

Hi ColdandAlone,

Welcome to the forum! That sounds like a really terrible situation you're in. If I'd been treated like that, I'd be afraid to be around other people too.

As it is, I actually do have a lot of anxiety around people. I was born with a birthmark on my face called a hemangioma. It was large and red and covered my nose and upper lip. Kids rejected me at a young age because they were scared of the way I looked. Though I've had 11 surgeries to correct it, I still feel the repercussions of those early days. I constantly worry about what I'm saying and doing in conversation to the point where I feel just as exhausted as you do.

My advice? You might want to consider getting therapy to help deal with these insecurities. Sometimes, it's just nice to have someone to vent to. But they can also help you identify destructive patterns in your ways of thinking. I highly suggest seeking out a therapist on your health care plan because it will pay for itself in no time. It has for me!

If that's too much, of course, we're always here to listen. Thanks for coming to us with your troubles! You deserve to be heard, ColdandAlone.

Do your best to avoid the people that are hurting you, that's true. But let me just say this. Try not to generalize that all people are as mean as the people that have bullied you. It's not true! I did this when I was little; I thought all people really didn't care to be my friend. Eventually, I just stopped believing people were worth getting to know. I am now 26 and I have no close friends. It's not ideal. But I'm learning how to break free of my negative thinking and trust in people not to be so cruel.

It will take you time to do that. Take all the time you need. The healing process is long, but it is rejuvenating when you've finally recovered.

I wish you all the best in finding your inner strength. You can do this, ColdandAlone. I believe in you.

Good luck and stay safe!

 

[Deleted member 91323]

Dogs are so clever and know when their humans need love. The management company sound so unhelpful. You have done nothing wrong. The neighbours are just bullies who want their own way. This is in no way because of you. Have you ever had any therapy to talk about how you feel?

 

[JessisMe]

Welcome
to the forums!

 

[EverybodyHurts]

I think citizens advice would definitely be a good start re your neighbours. They are experienced with neighbour disputes and will be able to advise you as to the best course of action - maybe even talk to the management company on your behalf. You have a right to use that garden!
I wanted to say talk to the police as it is intimidating behaviour (illegal!), but I'm not sure that would be the best idea initially..
I do hope you can find a way forward, as (has been stated previously), you should be able to feel safe in your own home.
It's horrible how selfish people's actions can make us feel so awful. Bullies need to go into room 101!

 

[ColdandAlone]

Thank You all for your kind replies and suggestions. I will try and speak to Citizens advice next week if I can muster the courage. Sometimes it just gets too much and your at a loss as how to move forward. My only crime is my existence as far as the neighbour is concerned, I have done nothing, like I've already said I avoid people, I no longer like talking to anyone, or like being around people. I am a shadow of my former self, those that knew me back then can't believe the change in me. None of them helped last time so I don't trust them. Nor do I want them around me. Wish I could sell and move to the middle of no where, no people. I really find it difficult just going to a shop, and usually go far away from where I live when they open first thing in the morning, get what I need and leave quickly. I was doing so much better, staying outside a little longer and feeling just a little lighter, but then this happened and all the old feelings came slamming back. I just want to hide again. I know deep down that is unhealthy, but it's too overwhelming, inside is safe. So glad I found the site, with people who can actually understand and don't judge. Thank You so very very much

 

[Deleted member 91323]

I am so sad these bullies have changed you so much but I understand. You have had such a traumatic time. Bullying leaves huge emotional scars. I can understand it is so hard to motivate yourself to get support. I hope in time you can.

 

[EverybodyHurts]

I can identify with so much of that. I struggle to get out myself because of anxiety, and do the same thing in regards going to a shop! I have had good and bad phases, and as you were referring to, when a difficult period in life comes along or something bad happens, it does have a tendency to push us backwards and want to hide away.
It always helps to feel understood and listened to, because that is lacking so much in a society where most people are just looking out for themselves, and don't (for the most part) care about anyone else's feelings.
The world needs a lot more kindness and understanding, and I hope you can find some of that here. And a friendly ear (or should that be eye?!) whenever you need to talk.

 

[ColdandAlone]

Hi Everyone,

Been a while I know, but I was greatly overwhelmed that anyone would respond, struggle with being in the light. Feel very uncomfortable even through a computer getting any form of attention, sad huh!!! My brother, love him he's the strong one now, always used to be me that looked out for him, I was always the strong one, anyway, he got a solicitor involved who wrote to the management company, in a nutshell they panicked, he really scared them, forever grateful for that. Upshot is they are now getting pro active, neighbour got told to leave me alone and the management company are for the moment at least attempting to help me. Whether it just words or whether they will actually act on what they are saying only time will tell. Thanks for still being here xxxx

 

[Deleted member 91323]

Welcome back. I am sorry the responses overwhelmed you. I am so happy your brother got involved and thing seem like they are getting better. Thank you for updating us.

 

[midnightphoenix]

Welcome back, glad they are trying to help now