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Newbie here.......Been told I have bpd and confused

K

Kenzie1985

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Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
4
Hi all,

Like my status ,I'm new here.
I have a long history of anxiety and depression and now have been told I have bpd. still looking into which type.
I've completely messed up a good friendship and lover due to.......me... I know I'm moody but it's only since discovering and researching that I realise everything points to cluster B.
I've read the descriptions and it's all me... I'm at the point that I don't actually know who I am. Maybe I am this person or is it bpd.... I blatantly had a massive involvement in wrecking my marriage before if it is bpd ...
I'm so confused about who I am now..wish I was never diagnosed with it..it's just causing me more stress and worry....
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Isle of Wight
Remember the proper medical name for BPD is 'Gorgeous, lovely and all-round great guy disorder'!!
 
K

Kenzie1985

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Nov 21, 2014
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Well that was useful..I'm female
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Well that was useful..I'm female
Sorry, I meant 'Gorgeous, lovely and all-round great gal disorder'!!

Sorry to be flippant, I don't mean to be. I have BPD (and Bipolar, they are often comorbid) and it scared me a little at first. I had some dysfunctional relationships and got really hurt and I lacked a sense of who I was.

However the outlook is good! Some good therapy and I manage mine a little better because I now see it affects my life more than I realised. I was in denial a little at first.

Some of the most lovely and friendly and sweet people I've ever met in my life have BPD, we all seem to be more sensitive which is a good thing in my book.

Welcome, you are amongst lots of lovely friends here and we are a good bunch. Dive in and contribute, this place is better with you here! Have a hug to get you started (we do that a lot here!)

:hug5:

davey x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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The West Country
Welcome to the forum.
It can be really over-whelming at first when you get a diagnosis.
That feeling of not knowing who you are can be one of the "symptoms". Personality disorder is an odd phrase because it implies that your personality is somehow flawed or wrong.
But I do think it's helpful to remind yourself that BPD and who you actually are are two separate things.

Have you been offered any sort of help since getting diagnosed?
Also, it might be helpful to see what books are available to help you understand more. I think we had a thread elsewhere talking about which books are better, but I know the "Borderline Personality Disorders for Dummies" is a basic one to start with.
 
K

Kenzie1985

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
4
Thankyou Davey,

When I I'm ok ...I'm great and when flipping out..I change so much. It's like a switch flips on..tired of it.
Can't lose anyone else..

I never saw myself has sensitive...hard faced maybe.hahaha!!

Thanks I will...hopefully learn a few things along the way.
 
K

Kenzie1985

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
4
I thought this was me but after being diagnosed has having one of them but needing another assessment it's left me wondering who I am. Cluster B seems the most like me.

I've started reading a few books after much research on what to read. I feel like I've opened a can of worms..the more I read and think back to my past . What's funny is the stuff that pops in my head didn't feel like a big deal even to myself.

The mind is so complex.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Yes Kenzie, it scary and bewildering at first and yes, it may get worse before it gets better.

I had this image inside me of who and what I was. However I always had a 'hole' in me (I used to draw a circle with my finger on my chest to illustrate, that's what it felt like) and I lacked identity of what I was and what what I stood for. The idealization/devaluation cycle was familiar to me.

When I started I was in denial, but partly because I didn't fully understand it. The therapy has started to 'deconstruct' me which has been scary and made me feel vulnerable BUT I am starting to feel that the Davey jigsaw that is being put back together is actually me! The real me! I'm starting to lose the lack of identity and I am starting to see who I really am, being made brand new! All this at the age of 42! hehe.

Stay here with us sweetie, we are all friends here and we will help you and you will help us. It will be hard but it will be worth it, trust me!

:hug5:

Davey x
 
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