• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Newbie here, also struggling with things

S

spaceman490

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2018
Messages
2
Hello everyone,

I'm new here so thought to introduce myself. I'm a 28yo male living in the UK. For much of my life I've struggled a lot with loneliness, being neglected and feeling really down. This has cycles with intense anxiety and has been this way for many many years now.

On a day to day basis I really struggle. I don't have the energy to deal with my challenging job, I never feel like I have anybody to talk to or hang out with. I've tried many therapists and councillors over the years but I didn't click with any of them and some of them were so bad they completely put me off ever spending money to go see one again. I've tried medication with absolutely no improvements. I've spoken to people though nobody seems to understand. Worse yet is when I'm told "I don't know what to say". Few things are more frustrating and difficult to hear.

I go to work everyday simply because I have to survive somehow. Most days I just don't see the point of hanging on anymore, but I don't think I have the energy or will to want to do something drastic about that. I understand this may just be venting and nobody can help me or do anything for me but I appreciate if you can read this and understand you're not alone I guess.

There are many reasons I am this way which I won't go into as I'm not up to writing an essay. All I know is that everyone my age seems on top of things and managing really well and I seem to lack basic skills to take care of myself. It feels really sad and hopeless that I have to spend my life in this way but I've tried so many things and absolutely nothing works for me. I fall asleep during mindfulness/relaxing exercises, at work I always feel like everything is too hard and I have no support there. My family and friends are overseas so they may as well not exist. I exercise and eat healthily but for what? I don't feel any better from doing that.

I don't really know how to go on. Many nights I don't want to wake up again. I understand that you might mean well and try offering all sorts of 'solutions' but for some reason or other I know it won't work for me.

Anyway thank you for reading. I hope I can help some of you through your own difficulties somehow.
 
N

NidJelp

Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2018
Messages
16
Hi

I'm new too, I haven't started a thread yet. First of all I'm Spanish and 18 years old so I apologise for my English beforehand. Although obviously I haven't gone through what you are telling because I haven't work yet, I've been dealing with depression since I was 12. When I was a child I was a victim of bullyng which radically changed my personality. It made me very kind outside and everyone wants me near but it has also made me live inside my head because nobody wants my real me. For a few years it worked but one day the depression started again and I couldn't remember how I really was before. Living a lie and having nobody to really talk to is very difficult but reading forums helped me. You said that the people around seems to be dealing with their lifes well but I can tell you that I've been showing myself that cheerful while being really bad because I thought that if I couldn't be happy no matter how well life goes at least I'd make other people feel as good as I can. What I mean is that we show ourselves as we want to be seen but as much as we want to be unique sometimes, there are plenty of people which feel the way you do. I have many other problems I'm not ready to share yet and I don't think they will help you but I hope that seeing someone reading and caring does it :)
 
static void

static void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 9, 2018
Messages
259
Hi! Welcome!You can just lurk if you want. Feel ready to share at your own pace.
In the meantime maybe I could say something. I'm not sure if I understood you correctly, but I'll let my thoughts out anyway. It doesn't hurt.
I was bullied too when I was your age. Later in life I learned that it's important to let go of the idea of unconditional acceptance of others (which means that we need to active partecipants in a conversation). I learned to forgive and to let go of difficult feelings experienced from not being able to meet the needs of others. But before we can think about others, we need to think about ourselves. So stop pleasing people for now until you feel better.
What's important is that we become self-aware of our thoughts and our emotions, and realize that our personality is whole, it's multifaceted (in the sense that we act differently around different people), but it's not fragmented (the totality of our behaviours is what makes us who we are). So don't feel like you're living a lie, because you're just being who you are.

You're not living a lie but you hide how you feel from others. You seem to be feeling uncertain about how to live in the world. It feels like you're struggling to a part of society, but I'm telling you the things that makes us happy in life arrive to us when we stop trying and struggling and we start to be genuine. Think about it: the word struggle implies that one is in pain (the struggle could be so miniscule, that it seems like our effort is infinitesimal, but it's still a struggle). And where there's a struggle there's a feeling of unhappiness because we did not reach our goal yet, which in your case would be to stop trying so hard when you're around people. Just be genuine around people.

The feelings that you want transmit to others need to be genuine too, otherwise you'd only be doing them a disservice. Imagine the discontent they could feel if they found out that you're secretly in pain. I'd feel miserable for not noticing how you feel.
If you think the people in your life are not being genuine to you, cut them out of your life. It doesn't matter if they're in pain too, if they drag you purposely down the rabbit hole of sadness, it's not worth keeping them around.
Ok I'm done with the rant :p
 
Last edited:
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
11,091
Location
England
Hello everyone,

I'm new here so thought to introduce myself. I'm a 28yo male living in the UK. For much of my life I've struggled a lot with loneliness, being neglected and feeling really down. This has cycles with intense anxiety and has been this way for many many years now.

On a day to day basis I really struggle. I don't have the energy to deal with my challenging job, I never feel like I have anybody to talk to or hang out with. I've tried many therapists and councillors over the years but I didn't click with any of them and some of them were so bad they completely put me off ever spending money to go see one again. I've tried medication with absolutely no improvements. I've spoken to people though nobody seems to understand. Worse yet is when I'm told "I don't know what to say". Few things are more frustrating and difficult to hear.

I go to work everyday simply because I have to survive somehow. Most days I just don't see the point of hanging on anymore, but I don't think I have the energy or will to want to do something drastic about that. I understand this may just be venting and nobody can help me or do anything for me but I appreciate if you can read this and understand you're not alone I guess.

There are many reasons I am this way which I won't go into as I'm not up to writing an essay. All I know is that everyone my age seems on top of things and managing really well and I seem to lack basic skills to take care of myself. It feels really sad and hopeless that I have to spend my life in this way but I've tried so many things and absolutely nothing works for me. I fall asleep during mindfulness/relaxing exercises, at work I always feel like everything is too hard and I have no support there. My family and friends are overseas so they may as well not exist. I exercise and eat healthily but for what? I don't feel any better from doing that.

I don't really know how to go on. Many nights I don't want to wake up again. I understand that you might mean well and try offering all sorts of 'solutions' but for some reason or other I know it won't work for me.

Anyway thank you for reading. I hope I can help some of you through your own difficulties somehow.
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
Thank you for sharing your story, I have depression and other illnesses.
Your not alone, we understand you here.
Sorry counselling and meds didn't work for you.
It must be exhausting working, I appreciate your need for money.
Vent away.
Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? Or psychologist?
I hope we can help you here.
Take care
 
N

NidJelp

Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2018
Messages
16
Im really thankful for this. I mean it. This year I'm going to study abroad and I think it will help me to disconnect and make new friends. Thanks ❤❤
 
T

Tom2202

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 1, 2017
Messages
67
It's good to vent. It can help.
I hope you start to feel better, but it's such a long process.
 
Top