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Newbie hello all... looking for any advice being in a relationship with BPD

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Ed2o9

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Hampshire
So I have been in a relationship with my g/f with BPD for apx 8 month's.
First 5 months no issues really...I had done my homework so I understand the give and take and complications etc.
But as of the last 2 month's being intimate is near on a no go in that area now.
She is still loving but not the same.....I have done a lot of reading online but I'm really confused as it's all hit and miss information.
One thing I remember at the beginning the bed was very active without coming across rude.....and she said she was very active etc.
But the last 2 month's pretty much nothing... I'm caring and understanding.. and definitely not the pushy type.
But I'm worried that there is a underlying problem now.....I have PTSD and it has served me well when alarm bells start ringing....I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her.....but I'm worried..... I'm sorry if that all sounds all over the shop....but it's a tricky situation... I'm very level headed...but dam my head hurts! 😏
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
939
you come across a nice understanding guy....the fact that youve read up about BPD will help as youre aware of what issues she may have......keep being supportive and understanding.....by the way is she seeing a therapist
 
E

Ed2o9

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Hampshire
you come across a nice understanding guy....the fact that youve read up about BPD will help as youre aware of what issues she may have......keep being supportive and understanding.....by the way is she seeing a therapist
Before lockdown yes...then face timing during lockdown...but she felt she could not connect as she prefers face to face.....she is on meds.. and she use's the tool's she has learn't to process situations but obviously challenging for her.
She is a very motivated person and strives to conquer pretty much anything...she is very ambitious.
But I see warning light's.....
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
Before lockdown yes...then face timing during lockdown...but she felt she could not connect as she prefers face to face.....she is on meds.. and she use's the tool's she has learn't to process situations but obviously challenging for her.
She is a very motivated person and strives to conquer pretty much anything...she is very ambitious.
But I see warning light's.....
Always, always listen to your gut.
That may be the most important lesson I've ever learned in my life.
We are glad you are here, Ed.
 
E

Ed2o9

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Hampshire
Always, always listen to your gut.
That may be the most important lesson I've ever learned in my life.
We are glad you are here, Ed.
Indeed....... it's the so hard when you love someone so much....I let my wall's down.... I'm very cut throat in my previous relationships when my 18yr marriage came to a end with no fault on either side.... hence my PTSD for me has served me well.. regardless of what happened to me in my past...but the strange thing is because of my PTSD and her BPD....we have common ground....a understanding.....but I think you just hit the nail on the head.....🙂
 
M

Mumoftwo1985

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Norfolk
I hqve bpd and i get exactly how u say your gf is. I have issues around being intermate or get shy even if ive been with the person years. There are days i just want to get into bed and just cuddle up some days i am wanting more than a cuddle and some days i just want to be alone. I know its so hard on the other person and tbh thats prob why i cant keep a partner longer than a year they get fed up. If you truely love the girl then just wait till shes ready there is always something within the things we do thats been part of why we have bpd that makes us like this. Its hard work but if you love her then just do things at her pace. Dobt know if that helps a little.
 
E

Ed2o9

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Hampshire
I hqve bpd and i get exactly how u say your gf is. I have issues around being intermate or get shy even if ive been with the person years. There are days i just want to get into bed and just cuddle up some days i am wanting more than a cuddle and some days i just want to be alone. I know its so hard on the other person and tbh thats prob why i cant keep a partner longer than a year they get fed up. If you truely love the girl then just wait till shes ready there is always something within the things we do thats been part of why we have bpd that makes us like this. Its hard work but if you love her then just do things at her pace. Dobt know if that helps a little.
Ok after that response maybe not follow my gut feeling.....you may of just put thing's into perspective....I always try to understand the difference in moods etc.....and yes she loves cuddles at night as do I...then rolls over and that's it lol...but I do understand what you are saying.....and because of my own personality and over thinking because of my PTSD I can take rejection to heart.... I'm a loyal loving guy...I wear my heart on my sleeve....she is the opposite but then can be the most loving person on the face of this earth... That's why I am here for advice.... because I want to break that cycle of people with BPD and there partner can't Make it past 18 month's.....she isn't broken as she has been told before from previous partner's.....we are both beautifully broken.... unique personality...with a dash of classy difference! 😊.... thankyou for you're reply....it brings a certain amount of clarity on the situation x
 
M

Mumoftwo1985

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Norfolk
Ok after that response maybe not follow my gut feeling.....you may of just put thing's into perspective....I always try to understand the difference in moods etc.....and yes she loves cuddles at night as do I...then rolls over and that's it lol...but I do understand what you are saying.....and because of my own personality and over thinking because of my PTSD I can take rejection to heart.... I'm a loyal loving guy...I wear my heart on my sleeve....she is the opposite but then can be the most loving person on the face of this earth... That's why I am here for advice.... because I want to break that cycle of people with BPD and there partner can't Make it past 18 month's.....she isn't broken as she has been told before from previous partner's.....we are both beautifully broken.... unique personality...with a dash of classy difference! 😊.... thankyou for you're reply....it brings a certain amount of clarity on the situation x

Im glad that could give u a little clarity, and we are all unique in our own way shes so lucky to have met a partner who is understanding of her mental health. Not many people understand and walk away when things get tough you sound like u really are understanding. 😊
 
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