- Apr 15, 2020
- London, UK
Anyone got any goals for 2021. I kept mine simple this year: loose 10kg.
Can I please ask you how to you manage to make sustainable changes in your life while bipolar? I struggle... would welcome any tips or mind chacks!I make it a point not to make resolutions like this anymore. The fact is that I stay relatively focused on making changes in my life from day to day. I think that works out better for me than making daunting resolutions which I'll almost inevitably break. Just one man's take.
Adam, I read it all with great interest! Thank you very much for sharing. I found it really helpful.@Julia_2021
It's a very difficult thing indeed. Notice that I mentioned focusing on this every day, meaning, it's an ongoing process! lol
The first thing I try to focus on is being realistic and making the changes small & incremental. Making lasting huge change is just not realistic for me. I don't have the power to do it. Small & incremental.
Secondly, I focus on making such a small change just for today. I can't make this change last for the entire week right now. What I can do right now is make that small change today. Tomorrow is never here. When is it ever tomorrow? Never. It's always right now, and so the only thing I can ever do is make these small changes and take these small actions right now.
Tomorrow is an illusion. It's an idea that we had to invent because, as humans, we're prisoners to this illusion of time being linear, moving in one direction at a constant pace. It's because of this that we have such concepts as the past, the future, yesterday, tomorrow, etc. In reality, all there ever is for us is right now.
Next, I found that "working harder" to make small daily changes often resulting in a ton of frustration, struggle, difficulty & failure with respect to making the changes happen. I think this is because I was approaching it as a struggle. "Just work harder at it and it'll be ok". The mental approach was hindrance in and of itself.
Instead, what I try to do is use an approach that was shared with me by a mentor of mine. He once said to me that "the only difficulty you're having with any of these situations is the resistance you're bringing to them." It was a revolutionary concept for me. "Working hard" on the issues was me simply pushing against/resisting what I viewed as a problem. For me, it's much easier to approach the small change I want to make as a positive goal and simply stop resisting it.
I try to relax, breathe, focus on the present moment, think about the small action of change for a bit and then allow myself to take the small action. It's a matter of mentality and approach for me. Struggling, straining, resisting, etc. just make things harder. Relaxing, breathing & stopping the resisting are much more comfortable and they seem to be the more successful approach as well.
All of this sounds just fine, and it is, but I still find that it's harder to consistently put into practice than it is to write about. Writing instruction manuals is much easier than putting their contents into daily practice. When I focus on making the actions of change small, realistic, incremental, daily, and ongoing then I experience much better results.
Finally, I must approach this entire arena with the mentality that I have very little power to change things. I will never be perfect & will always fall short. This is just my nature as a human being and it cannot be changed. Relying on help from my higher power each & every day is the foundation of this entire practice for me. Without that, I'm doomed.
We can all do this. It will always be imperfect but we can do it.
This is such good advice, thank you for it. I have substance abuse issues too and I’m trying to quit and this is how I get through my cravings sometimes. I haven’t been very successful stopping yet but today so far I’m clean! Moment by moment...@Julia_2021
I blew the 5-min time limit for editing above.
An example: So, I need to start doing the dishes each & every day. Ok, fine. Stop. Breathe. Relax. Focus only on right now. Stop resisting. The dishes in the sink right now are an opportunity for me to succeed in making this small incremental change right now, just for today. Allow myself to get in mental alignment with that, get up, walk in there and just do those dishes that are in the sink. Afterward, I feel successful. I've made that small change for today. Tomorrow's task is an illusion. It will only be real when it's right in front of me.