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New Years Eve Depression

D

DepressedTransGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Netherlands
The holidays are always hard on me...it has been hard for the past 10 years, especially from 2016-2020.

My family is very divided and we have not celebrated any holiday (Christmast, Easter, New Years Eve) in years!

It's a dysfunctional family and i've suffered abuse and trauma from both family and parents.
So i tend to live in isolation during the holidays.

It hurts me allot seeing other people get along well with their family all united, celebrating the holidays. It makes me feel like im alone in this world.

I came out as transgender midway 2015 and lost my friends in 2016. I reached out to them to hang out on new years eve, they agreed to hang out but never showed up..i saw them walking past my house when the clock hit 00:00.

Ever since 2016, new years has lost its meaning to me. Cause while i dont really have family to celebrate with i did have friends i would light fireworks with.

Now i stay indoors and try to sleep straight through the fireworks at midnight...it's sad and i tend to feel suicidal looking out the window at everybody having fun.

Hope 2020 is better.
 
D

Di9nysus

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
195
Location
Ayrshire
Hi there,

Sorry you are feeling this way and those friends that walked past your house after agreeing to meet up a few years back didn't seem like good friends anyway.

What makes you think everyone is having fun? You do not know what is going on with their lives. They could be miserable and are putting on a front. They will be hungover in the morning and feeling like crap the next day probably :)

You are at where your at so best sticking to getting yourself into a better place mentally. Don't worry about what's happening out there, you are the priority.

What are you going to do to make 2020 a better year?

Di9
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,473
Location
England
The holidays are always hard on me...it has been hard for the past 10 years, especially from 2016-2020.

My family is very divided and we have not celebrated any holiday (Christmast, Easter, New Years Eve) in years!

It's a dysfunctional family and i've suffered abuse and trauma from both family and parents.
So i tend to live in isolation during the holidays.

It hurts me allot seeing other people get along well with their family all united, celebrating the holidays. It makes me feel like im alone in this world.

I came out as transgender midway 2015 and lost my friends in 2016. I reached out to them to hang out on new years eve, they agreed to hang out but never showed up..i saw them walking past my house when the clock hit 00:00.

Ever since 2016, new years has lost its meaning to me. Cause while i dont really have family to celebrate with i did have friends i would light fireworks with.

Now i stay indoors and try to sleep straight through the fireworks at midnight...it's sad and i tend to feel suicidal looking out the window at everybody having fun.

Hope 2020 is better.
It will be. Each year you are alive i think gets easier. Eventually you will make life better for yourself and not rely on others. It will always hurt, your past, but when you look at others happy, you might then feel sympathy for yourself for what you have been through, and they are lucky enough to not have. That might lead to pride for your strength, and a desire to care for yourself when others didn't.
 
D

DepressedTransGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Netherlands
Hi there,

Sorry you are feeling this way and those friends that walked past your house after agreeing to meet up a few years back didn't seem like good friends anyway.

What makes you think everyone is having fun? You do not know what is going on with their lives. They could be miserable and are putting on a front. They will be hungover in the morning and feeling like crap the next day probably :)

You are at where your at so best sticking to getting yourself into a better place mentally. Don't worry about what's happening out there, you are the priority.

What are you going to do to make 2020 a better year?

Di9
My priority at the moment is my mental health, im schedulded to meet with my therapist this month!

Yes indeed, i got to focus on getting myself in a better place!

2020 will be the year of self love for me <3!
 
D

DepressedTransGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Netherlands
How are you feeling today?
A little sad that my hair is damaged from neglecting it for about 3 months (depression makes self care difficult).

But im gonna big chop my hair and go completely bald, a fresh start for me in 2020!
 
D

DepressedTransGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Netherlands
It will be. Each year you are alive i think gets easier. Eventually you will make life better for yourself and not rely on others. It will always hurt, your past, but when you look at others happy, you might then feel sympathy for yourself for what you have been through, and they are lucky enough to not have. That might lead to pride for your strength, and a desire to care for yourself when others didn't.
Your right, 2020 has arrived and heading down the self love path <3!
 
D

Di9nysus

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
195
Location
Ayrshire
Hi there,

Sounds like you are going to make a good effort to change things.

Having compassion for yourself is a good starting point.

DI9
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,473
Location
England
A little sad that my hair is damaged from neglecting it for about 3 months (depression makes self care difficult).

But im gonna big chop my hair and go completely bald, a fresh start for me in 2020!
Maybe cut it very short?
Shaved head, it is cold and also you can make the skin very sensitive if too exposed.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,473
Location
England
hair is a real pain when you don't have much energy. Mine is often greasy. I have a plastic jug and hang head over the bath, start taps on, plug in, and scoop water onto my head. I don't let the bath water get that high. Shampoo and conditioner on the side of the bath.

Then towel on head

It is easier to just do your hair rather than getting your whole self wet which i hate when not well

I have a flannel wash in the evening or a very quick shallow bath before bed, wash the body a bit and out without getting all over wet.
 
D

DepressedTransGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Netherlands
hair is a real pain when you don't have much energy. Mine is often greasy. I have a plastic jug and hang head over the bath, start taps on, plug in, and scoop water onto my head. I don't let the bath water get that high. Shampoo and conditioner on the side of the bath.

Then towel on head

It is easier to just do your hair rather than getting your whole self wet which i hate when not well

I have a flannel wash in the evening or a very quick shallow bath before bed, wash the body a bit and out without getting all over wet.
That's smart!

You found a way to make doing your hair when depressed more bearable. Im gonna have to figure what im gonna do since ive had the big chop 5th January already haha
 
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