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baileybeagle44

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Illinois
I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts for a while now and it is really starting to take a toll. I have started seeing a therapist specializing in OCD but I am still having a really hard time. I have horrible thoughts about my boyfriend cheating on me or being unfaithful. I also can not let go of things. I will continue to think about them and try to find something wrong. Like what is happening right now is my brain is playing situations that have happened with my boyfriend and wondering what I missed or trying to find him being unfaithful or lying to me. I do not know why my brain does that because I love him and I know that he loves me. But my brain is constantly "seeing things" and saying they're bad but I know it's made up. It is non stop and I can not make my brain shut up and I just want to be happy but it feels like my brain is trying to make me sad. I am constantly trying to find something bad. This is also not all of the intrusive thoughts just the ones that have been really bad. I am scared it's going to ruin my relationship or me because it is so hard to handle the constant thinking about it. Wondering if medication would help quiet my brain. Any suggestions?
 
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hairybanana

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2021
Messages
4,016
Location
Australia
I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts for a while now and it is really starting to take a toll. I have started seeing a therapist specializing in OCD but I am still having a really hard time. I have horrible thoughts about my boyfriend cheating on me or being unfaithful. I also can not let go of things. I will continue to think about them and try to find something wrong. Like what is happening right now is my brain is playing situations that have happened with my boyfriend and wondering what I missed or trying to find him being unfaithful or lying to me. I do not know why my brain does that because I love him and I know that he loves me. But my brain is constantly "seeing things" and saying they're bad but I know it's made up. It is non stop and I can not make my brain shut up and I just want to be happy but it feels like my brain is trying to make me sad. I am constantly trying to find something bad. This is also not all of the intrusive thoughts just the ones that have been really bad. I am scared it's going to ruin my relationship or me because it is so hard to handle the constant thinking about it. Wondering if medication would help quiet my brain. Any suggestions?
Hello @baileybeagle44 👋 I used to be a very jealous and insecure person. Would get very stressed about my ex going out without me. I didn’t show it but far out it used to mess with my head. Would stay awake all night until she’d come back home, then just lie awake wondering what she did or if anyone hit on her etc etc.

I was able to set these thoughts to rest but I don’t know if this will be helpful to you or not.

For me, I had to do a bit of soul searching. My ex had never been unfaithful or even looked twice at another man. She never gave me a reason not to trust her. And yet, I didn’t trust her. So I realised the issue had nothing to do with her or our relationship and everything to do with me and my own issues. I thought on it a lot and realised the fear of her cheating on me (and the inevitable break up that would result from it) stemmed from my fear of abandonment and my unresolved issues there.

Being able to see and understand where that fear around being cheated on helped me to gain some control over my emotions.

Living in fear that my partner would leave me was crippling. It didn’t do me or her any good. It didn’t do our relationship any good. It served no purpose. Eventually, I made the choice to accept that I have no control over what she will do. I chose to trust her. She had given me no reason not to trust her, and I just constantly reminded myself of that fact.

I made the choice for my own sake, it was terribly draining being so wound up all the time. I decided I didn’t want to keep living in fear of something that may never happen, and ultimately something I couldn’t control.

i know its not easy and I hope things settle for you soon
 
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baileybeagle44

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Illinois
Hello @baileybeagle44 👋 I used to be a very jealous and insecure person. Would get very stressed about my ex going out without me. I didn’t show it but far out it used to mess with my head. Would stay awake all night until she’d come back home, then just lie awake wondering what she did or if anyone hit on her etc etc.

I was able to set these thoughts to rest but I don’t know if this will be helpful to you or not.

For me, I had to do a bit of soul searching. My ex had never been unfaithful or even looked twice at another man. She never gave me a reason not to trust her. And yet, I didn’t trust her. So I realised the issue had nothing to do with her or our relationship and everything to do with me and my own issues. I thought on it a lot and realised the fear of her cheating on me (and the inevitable break up that would result from it) stemmed from my fear of abandonment and my unresolved issues there.

Being able to see and understand where that fear around being cheated on helped me to gain some control over my emotions.

Living in fear that my partner would leave me was crippling. It didn’t do me or her any good. It didn’t do our relationship any good. It served no purpose. Eventually, I made the choice to accept that I have no control over what she will do. I chose to trust her. She had given me no reason not to trust her, and I just constantly reminded myself of that fact.

I made the choice for my own sake, it was terribly draining being so wound up all the time. I decided I didn’t want to keep living in fear of something that may never happen, and ultimately something I couldn’t control.

i know its not easy and I hope things settle for you soon
My last relationship ended because of cheating and I guess I am so traumatized that it will happen again. I know my current boyfriend is not my ex and would never do anything to be unfaithful. I know it mostly comes from within due to insecurity and fear of abandonment and I tell myself that but I can't seem to win the fight with my head. I think I have a lot of work to do with being comfortable alone with myself when he is not around. I just don't know how to do that. Were there any things you did (journaling, self-care, etc) that helped you overcome the fear of abandonment?
 
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hairybanana

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2021
Messages
4,016
Location
Australia
My last relationship ended because of cheating and I guess I am so traumatized that it will happen again. I know my current boyfriend is not my ex and would never do anything to be unfaithful. I know it mostly comes from within due to insecurity and fear of abandonment and I tell myself that but I can't seem to win the fight with my head. I think I have a lot of work to do with being comfortable alone with myself when he is not around. I just don't know how to do that. Were there any things you did (journaling, self-care, etc) that helped you overcome the fear of abandonment?
Perhaps there’s a bit of emotional processing to be done re the previous relationship. It’s really good you can see a connection there to the previous relationship and these feelings you’re having now.
I would recommend talk therapy, I’m sure that a therapist could be more helpful in helping you move forward.
For me, it really just came down to me making the choice to let go of the jealousy and insecurity. It was not easy, it was a decision I had to make again and again and I had to reassure myself often of the facts. The facts being i had no reason not to trust my partner and reminding myself where the insecurities came from. It took a lot of repetition, and it didn’t happen over night. But i was just done with wasting energy on freaking out all the time. So I just kept choosing to put my sanity first.
I’m sure the support of a therapist would be very helpful in working through this process.

some things that helped me manage anxiety around my ex being out were knowing plans well ahead of time (which is how I like to operate with everything). I’d like to have a couple weeks notice so I could prep myself a bit mentally for her absence. I also communicated with her about the anxiety I had and explained why I felt anxious, so she knew it wasn’t about her and it was about old issues. I think that’s important. She would also send me a text when she arrived wherever she was going so I knew she was safe (i had terrible anxiety about losing her in an accident) and that was helpful.
Perhaps just sit and have a think about some things that may help ease the anxiety, even if its just little things like what I did. Those little things really helped me to keep it all under control.
 
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baileybeagle44

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Illinois
Perhaps there’s a bit of emotional processing to be done re the previous relationship. It’s really good you can see a connection there to the previous relationship and these feelings you’re having now.
I would recommend talk therapy, I’m sure that a therapist could be more helpful in helping you move forward.
For me, it really just came down to me making the choice to let go of the jealousy and insecurity. It was not easy, it was a decision I had to make again and again and I had to reassure myself often of the facts. The facts being i had no reason not to trust my partner and reminding myself where the insecurities came from. It took a lot of repetition, and it didn’t happen over night. But i was just done with wasting energy on freaking out all the time. So I just kept choosing to put my sanity first.
I’m sure the support of a therapist would be very helpful in working through this process.

some things that helped me manage anxiety around my ex being out were knowing plans well ahead of time (which is how I like to operate with everything). I’d like to have a couple weeks notice so I could prep myself a bit mentally for her absence. I also communicated with her about the anxiety I had and explained why I felt anxious, so she knew it wasn’t about her and it was about old issues. I think that’s important. She would also send me a text when she arrived wherever she was going so I knew she was safe (i had terrible anxiety about losing her in an accident) and that was helpful.
Perhaps just sit and have a think about some things that may help ease the anxiety, even if its just little things like what I did. Those little things really helped me to keep it all under control.
Thank you so much for the tips! I really appreciate it.
 
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