- Apr 11, 2018
I have quite an obsessive personality, which becomes a bit of a problem when I decide I want to lose weight. I hired a personal trainer at the end of last year determined to lose weight before going on holiday, it was all going great for the first few months, I was feeling stronger and losing weight. But my obsessive personality has kind of kicked in, suddenly now all I can think about was food. How much I've eaten, how much I haven't eaten. Its become all encompassing and whenever I break and eat something I shouldn't I can't stop thinking about it and proceed to 'punish' myself by borderline starving myself for the next few days I've begun to enjoy the feeling of hunger because then I know it's working. I know it's ridiculous and not a long term solution but I'm just so terrified of putting on weight. I hate myself if I eat more than X calories a day, convinced it's going to show on the scales, getting as bad as not being able to sleep with thinking about it. The breaking point came when I had over Y calories in a day and hated myself so much I purged so I could sleep without panicking. I was bulimic when I was younger and I'm scared I'm going to go down that road again but I'm finding it so hard to gain some control.
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