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New member
Apr 11, 2018
I have quite an obsessive personality, which becomes a bit of a problem when I decide I want to lose weight. I hired a personal trainer at the end of last year determined to lose weight before going on holiday, it was all going great for the first few months, I was feeling stronger and losing weight. But my obsessive personality has kind of kicked in, suddenly now all I can think about was food. How much I've eaten, how much I haven't eaten. Its become all encompassing and whenever I break and eat something I shouldn't I can't stop thinking about it and proceed to 'punish' myself by borderline starving myself for the next few days I've begun to enjoy the feeling of hunger because then I know it's working. I know it's ridiculous and not a long term solution but I'm just so terrified of putting on weight. I hate myself if I eat more than X calories a day, convinced it's going to show on the scales, getting as bad as not being able to sleep with thinking about it. The breaking point came when I had over Y calories in a day and hated myself so much I purged so I could sleep without panicking. I was bulimic when I was younger and I'm scared I'm going to go down that road again but I'm finding it so hard to gain some control.
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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Apr 9, 2011
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
:welcome: to the forum x
i am so sorry you are struggling with food x i was wondering if you had tried counselling for this?

i know it is easy to become obsessed with food when we are unhappy but as you say you used to be bulimic so you need to be really careful x

please seek help for this ,and we will help and support you as much as we can
lots of love and you are very welcome here
love Lu x


Well-known member
Apr 10, 2018
Hi studentstarfish,

Have you talked to your personal trainer about your past experience with bulimia? My first thought is that you maybe need to redefine your goals. Do you want to lose as much weight as possible, as soon as possible, regardless of the consequences, or do you want to be healthy? Healthy weight loss is not always measured by what the scale shows, nor does it mean you've failed when you eat more calories than you're supposed to one day. It is just as much a physical as a mental exercise. Be kind to yourself. If you are getting obsessed with food, try to plan ahead as much as possible so that you can avoid any negotiations / extra wasted brain-time when it really isn't necessary. Set your alarm for when you're supposed to eat so that you're not triggered to think about food every 10 minutes. If you keep running to the finish line, you're going to trip and fall. Steady your pace and know you're on the right track!

Xo Anna


Active member
Dec 29, 2017
I understand how you are feeling and I also can have an obsessive personality at times. (Over some things more then others.) It doesn't sound like things have always been this way. What was the trigger? What made you become so obsessed about food and your weight lately? Are you feeling shame about something? Why are you fearing gaining weight? It sounds to me that this is becoming an addiction of sorts. The constant focus on food, the fear of gaining weight, the anxiety of it all indicates addiction and that's normally what an eating disorder is, a type of addiction. However, eating disorders are often driven by something much deeper; feelings we don't want to acknowledge, fear and shame of something we don't want to feel and we try to stuff it with food and excessive exercising. If we concentrate on those things we don't have to feel or think about what is really driving it all. Most of it is psychological. I know you know that this is not healthy behavior. Are you seeing a therapist? Do you have anyone who understands what you are going through? From experience, and lots of counseling, I know that this is not just something that will "go away" on it's own, or something that you can "just stop" I would highly recommend counseling if you are not getting it already. It will help you understand what is going on and hopefully you will be able to uncover what is driving this behavior. THank you for coming here and sharing what's going back. Please come back and continue sharing. We are here to support and help you!