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Millie10

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Jul 3, 2016
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6
#1
Hi i am new to this board and not really sure what im even looking to gain from it tbh.

My dr told me 4 months ago that i have an eating disorder when i went to her to just talk about low mood how i feel about things and coping mechanisms. She has referred me to for an assessment whcih i dont even know why as i dont have an issue with my diet and im not happy with my weight so im happy not eating and trying to control my weight in any other way i can also. Im scared to lose this comtrol as it is the only area of my life i feel i have control of and i am scared of putting on weight as it means im in control of nothing again. I stopped taking the anti depressants dr gave me a few months before as i felt they were making me put on weight amd i didnt like that. My froedns all say they are really worried about me etc but i just dont understand why im in control of things and im ok and dont even know how to convince them of this.

Sorry dont know if im making any sense.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
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Location
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#2
Hi Millie.

:welcome: to the forum !

I'm glad you found us.
I hope the assessment goes ok for you.
Can understand your fears and apprehensions, although if others have concerns for you, it's good to have things checked out by the professionals Imo. You are making sense to me

Keep talking to us here, there will be others who understand.
All good wishes to you

Unique xx
 
M

Millie10

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2016
Messages
6
#3
Thank you. The hardest part of all this to get my head around is that i learnt all about this at uni thru degree in psychology so i shouldnt be struggling like this as i know all of it.
But thank you for reply.
 
L

.Lydi.

Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2016
Messages
9
#4
I have been where you are. In the early part of my anorexia, I thought I had so much control. The best we can do at that stage is to trust what everyone else is saying because our own malnourished minds actually trick us. It is the hardest part of the disorder that we can't trust our perceptions and must rely on others for a while.
I wrote a series of 8 blog posts about how a malnourished mind can even make the decision to change. Here is the link to the first of the series if you are interested:
https://findingthewayoutback.blogspot.com.au/2016/06/catch-22-part-1-recipe-for-change.html
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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#5
Hi and welcome to the forum! :welcome:
Talking really does help so please keep talking, lots of people here to support you.
Hugs
Fox
 
M

Millie10

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2016
Messages
6
#6
Thanks, and thanks lydi took a read of some of ur blogs its good to be able to read other peoples experiences of things.
It has been such a crap week........found out i didnt get a promotion at work that i know i can do and that i know part of the reason for it is due to health which has really really got to me as i could have got the job if i had hid things regarding issues with food and weight loss alot better than i obviously have been. I keep getting told to use this as a reason to turn things around and to fuel change but it is having opposite affect on me ........its driving me more down this road.
Was also really worried my sister had returned to eating disorder and anorexia whcih she came thru yrs ago and was really concerned as she had lost alot of weight and to me she looks sooo skinny butt my brother who hasnt seen me or sister in 8months seen us side by side and said i looked awful and that im alot skinnier than my sister..........i just really wish everyone could see what i see.

It feels like everything is gettign harder and dont know how to fix things as i i dont wamt to lose comtrol of the only thing i have control of in my lofe.........

Thanks again for replies.
 
L

.Lydi.

Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2016
Messages
9
#7
I'm so sorry that things haven't gotten rough with work. I've found that sometimes the things that were supposed to motivate me to recover also actually drove me to get worse for a while, but sometimes, the tides changed, and they actually did motivate me a little later on. I hope the tides change for you, too!
Are you able to get counselling of any kind?
When I was in treatment, there were lots of people who were taking a medical leave from work to get help for an ED. Do you think that would be possible for you? I don't know what country you are in, but I know that in the USA, you can't lose your job for taking medical leave, at least not legally. I'm in Australia now, and I think the same would apply here, even moreso.
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much and that your sister is also struggling. Would it help to think about caring for yourself as you would want to care for your sister? Or maybe caring for the "hurting child within"?
It really is worth getting free of all this.