New to this site but not depression

[butterfly]

Hi.

I found this site by chance having returned from the gp's today back on anti depressants. I suffered pnd x 2 with my sons and depression since. I had come off anti depressants in 07 and have fought and struggled to stay off them since then. Today however I caved in and returned to my GP. My previous depressive episode outside the pnd was due to a death in the family and the death of my best friend within a week of each other in 06. This depressive episode has no trigger but has had repercussions already; and the suicidal thoughts are more varied and more practical in terms of the thought process I am going through daily. My GP is gonna see me for a follow up in 2 weeks. I just hope i can get through those 2 weeks. She offered counselling but I can't even talk to my hubby, how on earth could I talk to a stranger.

Anyway thx for listening

 

[lonelyandlost]

Hi Butterfly

Welcome to the forum, glad you found us
Well done for getting yourself back to your gp and realising that you need a little help.
Sometimes talking to an outsider is far easier that talking to a loved one. There is no way I can talk with my hubby, but have manage to talk to a counsellor also you have spoke to your GP.

Hope you find the support here

 

[Emily-Rose]

Hey there,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you recieve the help and support you need here

We're all very friendly so don't be shy Take off your shoes and relax *passes you tea and cookies*

Emily.x

 

[GrizzlyBear]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[sallyG]

Welome to the forum..i hope you find some peace here.x

 

[ms_P]

Hi Butterfly!
Welcome!

 

[butterfly]

wow! didn't think anyone would have even posted so thankyou

I know this may sound a strange thing to post but I've found a tiny little something that interests me and that is this site. I have read a few posts and I feel normal for the first time in years...... well not normal cos what is normal..... but not abnormal.

Me and my head have always been taboo subjects at home; in my extended family; and with friends. So thank you for there finally being a place I can talk so long as u will listen x

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Butterfly

I'm so glad you are finding this site helpful, no one can underestimate how it feels to be understood!

And from me too, as I haven't said that to you yet!

 

[bluenomore]

Hi butterfly,

to the forums.

Sometimes it's easier to complete strangers (and take my word for it - we are strange )

 

[butterfly]

Its been getting worse but today I couldn't get out of bed. I had to tho to get my children up and go to work. I tried to break it all down in to little bits.... physically get out of bed, physically walk to the bathroom and have a wash etc.... each little bit i did took so much effort in my head I sat at work like a robot and a few people commented on my "invisibility" and losing time (?) ..... great employee eh? my children are still at the childminders and I have come home to hibernate - I don't even have the energy to collect them.... again, great mother eh? and dh has been texting me every 1/2hr or so seeing if i'm ok, i'm not but i can't tell him why, just sent a text back "depression bad today" and he doesn't know what to say and he needs support as work is hard for him at the mo and i have nothing to give him.... great wife .....

Have been on the citalopram 10 days. Should I feel better soon ? Am I on a dose that's doing me no good ? I'm seeing the gp thurs, but today the thoughts of driving a large rusty nail into my left wrist has been strong I can even see the skin breaking and the blood trickling and the peace I feel from it. God I've never had these thoughts before. Last time it was just the desire and urge to drive my car into a huge wall down our street which I stopped before actually hitting it. This time the thoughts are stronger.

 

[ms_P]

Don't be so down on yourself, Butterfly.
You're trying to get better, and it takes time for the medicine to work. It's different for everyone how long it may take.
Take some deep breaths. Maybe a walk will do you good? Do you have anyone that can help you with the kids?
Good luck on thursday!