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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

New to the forum and new to BPD

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Theordinarymrsfox

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Dec 18, 2020
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Hi peeps. I am glad I found this forum when I did. Im hoping to connect with people who are trying to navigate life with BPD.

A little about myself, I was diagnosed with BPD 3 months ago. My resolution for 2020 was to begin a journey of self discovery and learn to accept my flaws, take responsibility for my mistakes, being forgiving and compassionate to myself and putting myself first. This journey has helped me understand myself better than I ever had before, but there were still a lot of unanswered questions. Like why i feel as though my life is stuck in repeat. Repeating the same mistakes, same situations with different faces in different places. Before my diagnosis i had acknowledged and accepted my role in the toxic relationships i had, and recognised a pattern of behaviour but couldnt understand why i kept repeating them after being conscious of them. Isnt that the definition of insanity? doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result?

It took 39 years, but i finally have some answers. BPD! Its been a whole new roller coaster ride. It took me a while to accept and for some time i was in denial, like how could a psychiatrist spend 50 minutes with me and come up with such a huge diagnosis? then there is the issue with the type of information available out there.

I had hoped this diagnosis would help me begin a new journey of personal development, healing and basically a better chance at a healthy well balanced life. I try to be positive and convince myself that with hard work and the right help i can live a normal well balanced life but right now im spiraling and im afraid i will lose control.

Dear reader, how were you coping during the first months of your diagnosis?

Apologies for the long post, and thank you for those who have taken the time to read it.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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That is a positive post :) there are many people on the forum with BPD so welcome and i look forward to seeing you around.

What are your plans for Christmas?
 
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Nukelavee

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BPD didn't have the name recognition it now does when I got diagnosed. So, fooled by the borderline in the term, I figured it was a minor issue compared to my depression and anxiety.

Then I read some articles, and got freaked out, like, 15 years after my diagnosis. then I got serious about working on it.
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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That is a positive post :) there are many people on the forum with BPD so welcome and i look forward to seeing you around.

What are your plans for Christmas?
Thank you Tawny 😊 my plans for Xmas are pj's and Netflix or pj's and a book 🤣 I hope you have better plans.
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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BPD didn't have the name recognition it now does when I got diagnosed. So, fooled by the borderline in the term, I figured it was a minor issue compared to my depression and anxiety.

Then I read some articles, and got freaked out, like, 15 years after my diagnosis. then I got serious about working on it.
Hi Nukelavee. Wow! I can imagine there not being much information about it. May I ask what has been your process? I made the mistake of reading bpd for dummies... Going against some of the bad reviews it got from borderlines. I stopped half way through
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Welcome! Feel free to reach out if you need any help getting around
:)
 
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Nukelavee

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Well, I read up on BPD on Wikipedia, and then just looked up info in various spots, as well as joining this site.

I guess my process has been checking off my own behaviour vs BPD traits, figuring out which ones apply to me, and which ones don't. I learned a few traits I didn't think I had, I do, but they don't manifest exactly as per the articles and stuff.

I find knowing these things makes it easier to try to work on them, I'm not trying to put words to describe something, I'm trying to see what does and doesn't fit.

From being here, I've learned about stuff like Favourite People, and split thinking.
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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Well, I read up on BPD on Wikipedia, and then just looked up info in various spots, as well as joining this site.

I guess my process has been checking off my own behaviour vs BPD traits, figuring out which ones apply to me, and which ones don't. I learned a few traits I didn't think I had, I do, but they don't manifest exactly as per the articles and stuff.

I find knowing these things makes it easier to try to work on them, I'm not trying to put words to describe something, I'm trying to see what does and doesn't fit.

From being here, I've learned about stuff like Favourite People, and split thinking.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to what you said about not fitting a trait exactly as described in an article.
I wish you all the best on your journey 🌹
 
R

Rex Smith

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Hi Nukelavee. Wow! I can imagine there not being much information about it. May I ask what has been your process? I made the mistake of reading bpd for dummies... Going against some of the bad reviews it got from borderlines. I stopped half way through
Don't base your decision to stop reading a book because of some bad reviews by proclaimed borderliners. They probably didn't even read the book or just another internet imbecile. BPD people are no different than everyone else when it comes to having a different opinion on things.

You should finish the book since it was written by highly intelligent and knowledgeable psychologists. The impressive amount of clinical data they accumulated from the thousands of BPD subjects should be more than enough to ignore some negative reviews. The for dummies format is great for those with no or limited knowledge on the topic. Was it too difficult or easy to read and understand?

Here's one of the authors bio.
Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and a Founding Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He is also a Professor Emeritus at Fielding Graduate University and has served on the faculty of two medical schools. He has extensive experience in the treatment of children, adolescents and adults with anger and rage, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and personality disorders. Dr. Elliott has authored many professional articles, book chapters and books in the area of cognitive behavior therapies. In addition, he is the co-author of eleven psychology books including Anger Management For Dummies, Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies, and Why Can’t I Get What I Want? He has presented nationally and internationally on new developments in the assessment and therapy of emotional disorders.
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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Don't base your decision to stop reading a book because of some bad reviews by proclaimed borderliners. They probably didn't even read the book or just another internet imbecile. BPD people are no different than everyone else when it comes to having a different opinion on things.

You should finish the book since it was written by highly intelligent and knowledgeable psychologists. The impressive amount of clinical data they accumulated from the thousands of BPD subjects should be more than enough to ignore some negative reviews. The for dummies format is great for those with no or limited knowledge on the topic. Was it too difficult or easy to read and understand?

Here's one of the authors bio.
Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and a Founding Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He is also a Professor Emeritus at Fielding Graduate University and has served on the faculty of two medical schools. He has extensive experience in the treatment of children, adolescents and adults with anger and rage, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and personality disorders. Dr. Elliott has authored many professional articles, book chapters and books in the area of cognitive behavior therapies. In addition, he is the co-author of eleven psychology books including Anger Management For Dummies, Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies, and Why Can’t I Get What I Want? He has presented nationally and internationally on new developments in the assessment and therapy of emotional disorders.
Hi Rex. Thank you for the reply. I had no difficulty reading or understanding the book. I put it down simply because I found some of the descriptions of bpd sufferers to be derogatory and it infuriated me. I may revisit the book once I have a better handle on my specific situation. I don't feel its the right book for me at this time.
I did read up on the authors prior to reading the book and yes they both have impressive backgrounds.
Thanks again Rex.
 
Beorn the Bear

Beorn the Bear

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Hi Mrsfox, welcome fellow Aussie :hug5:
I'm really glad you've found out what's going on, I can so relate! 40 years of craziness emotionally, repeating the same mistakes, not understanding myself.. Now I may have a little insight so I can get to understanding myself.
Hope you're well, you're welcome to pm me anytime for a chat (y)
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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Australia
Hi Beorn, thank you for the warm welcome😊 seems like we have many similarities. I wonder if it's a bpd thing?
 
L

lemontree

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I was diagnosed at 18 years old I think it was. Maybe a little earlier. It was after a hospital stay following a suicide attempt, and I had many interviews with different staff members before having the actual diagnosis interview outpatient. I remember at the time, after getting diagnosed I felt happy to finally have an answer so that I could get better after years of suffering and wanting to die - which was cut very short upon doing some research and finding many people's recounts of BPD encounters and even therapists themselves warning people to stay away from us because of how horrible we all are. I saw stories of people telling anyone with BPD they should probably kill themselves, and certainly never have children because we will inevitably mess them up for life. Being that I'd just come out of hospital for a suicide attempt, it really made me wonder why anyone tried to save me if I was this bad, and I struggled for so long with suicidal thoughts and further attempts and couldn't wrap my head around why anyone would even want me alive, especially after the way I was treated by healthcare professionals upon finding out what I suffered from.

In hindsight, I think I was correct to do my research but maybe I should've just left it be. I have since realized that I am a "quiet" type BPD who directs my emotions inwards, and that people are always surprised when they find out I have BPD because they associate it purely with examples of outward-displayed emotions and breakdowns. Even then, the stigma is terrible and I hesitate to let on the diagnosis unless I really have to.

I hope that you have a much better experience - there's a lot of hope in therapy and better understanding yourself and one thing I've learned is that you can't compare yourself to the negative stereotypes or condemn yourself to it. I am sure you will continue your journey of growth, and I hope that it all goes well for you :)
 
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Theordinarymrsfox

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Hello lemontree, thank you for sharing your story with me. I hope you have found something that works for you and living your best life. When I was diagnosed I was also relieved but it quickly changed to anger and frustration, even denial. There is good information out there, I've stumbled on a few good articles and talks on YouTube by professionals. It makes more sense to me now. Unfortunately there is a lot of information out there that is counterproductive.
I didn't know about quiet bpd. I hope you have the love and support you need.
 
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