New to site and desperate for help

[Niki]

Hello, ive been struggling with depression for most my adult life and have always had insecurities. I also had a nightmare of a childhood and was placed in care for a short time before being placed with my dad full time. I really enjoyed my childhood with my dad and i forgot everything that happened while i lived with my mom and her adusive partner so from the age of about 9/10 onwards i was happy. I met the man of my dreams and he changed my life, we had two children together and stayed together for 8 years. The last couple of years of us being together turned sour and he got really possessive over me which i couldnt take and because of this i started to binge drink, it got to the point i drank to filter out everything that was gong on and in the process my children went to live with there dad and nan but my ex passed away 4 years ago now in a accident so so i have no way of reconsiling with him but since his death i have really worked hard to stop my drinking and rebuild my life but now with all that has happened i feel a complete failure to my family and especially my two children. Spending these years alone has helped me so much but now i get bad anxiety and have pushed my family away although i do see and speak to them. Now i find myself struggling everyday, i wish i could sleep all day but only manage around 4 hours before waking up so im awake at 4 am most days and i suffer from night terrors. I have no friends and find it hard to trust anyone. I went to a mental health meeting and was diagnosed with trauma from my childhood so was really let down that they asked me to come see them next month for another meeting but i felt this wasnt any help to me so didnt attend anymore meetings. Im finding myself contemplating suicide everyday. Medication has never worked for me, i really think im doomed for life and im not sure i can take it much more. I really hope this site can help me or direct me as i feel my doctors cant do anything for me

 

[Helena1]

What was the meeting in a month going to be about?
Have you asked/ been told about getting therapy?

 

[Niki]

Hello Helena, thank you for commenting. The meeting was with NHS healthy minds, it was a therapy session but i felt the therapist diagnosed me too early. I was exremely low at that point and felt i was sent away without much reasurrance. I didnt feel this was an option for me as i needed help there and then and now again. I walked away crying and feeling worst, then being told i would receive another appointment via post that will take place in about a month. Maybe i didnt give it much of a chance, i just feel this process will take months before any improvement could take place. Maybe i should look into it again, but this again will take time.

 

[midnightphoenix]

Hi Niki and welcome to the forum, we're happy to have you here

 

[aisha23]

Hello Helena, thank you for commenting. The meeting was with NHS healthy minds, it was a therapy session but i felt the therapist diagnosed me too early. I was exremely low at that point and felt i was sent away without much reasurrance. I didnt feel this was an option for me as i needed help there and then and now again. I walked away crying and feeling worst, then being told i would receive another appointment via post that will take place in about a month. Maybe i didnt give it much of a chance, i just feel this process will take months before any improvement could take place. Maybe i should look into it again, but this again will take time.

welcome, niki

I really think you should look in to it again

these things take time and nothing's going to happen overnight

hope posting here helps

 

[Niki]

welcome, niki

I really think you should look in to it again

these things take time and nothing's going to happen overnight

hope posting here helps

Thank you Aisha, im going to book an appointment at the doctors tomorrow. I dont see away forward but may as well give it another go. Im currently looking for work again so hopefully this wont affect my appointments. I feel speaking to people that suffer the same may help so im looking forward to meeting like minded people on here.