F
FireAndRain
Member
Hi. I just joined. I have been seeing a doctor for 4 months because 6 months ago I had a 2-month long psychotic episode with delusions, illusions, and catatonia followed by hallucinations and agoraphobia and more intermittent catatonia.
I recovered quite a bit for a few weeks last month but negative symptoms and some positive came back again. From the look on my doctor's face when I was explaining this, I think it was verification that it is schizophrenia. I have more than enough symptoms to qualify but he doesn't want to tell me my diagnosis for some reason.
Anyway, try as I might to get better, be better, and be functional like I was before, I just can't seem to stay even moderately functional for more than a few days usually. I get angry for no reason and I just have no control over it and just have to wait til it goes away. I also get sad really suddenly over nothing and cry uncontrollably for a long time. I don't really know what is going on with me but I'm scared and confused.
My brother and sister-in-law used to be pretty much my best friends. They stopped talking to me 6 months ago. They said that it was bullshit what I was saying was happening to me and they were mad at me. Now they just don't think I'm important enough to talk to, even when I call them. My husband is giving up and considering divorce. He is looking for work in other counties. My sister thinks I'm using my symptoms as a crutch, whatever that means. And I just feel really deserted and lonely. My mom even doesn't talk to me the same way anymore.
It makes sense that things would change. I just don't know what to do with the changes. My husband just said, "It stinks in here" and left. I try to clean as much as I can and take care of everything that needs to be taken care of but it's so hard most days. Nobody wants to help me anymore. I just want to go to bed and stay there. I'm not tired so I'd have to take something to get myself to sleep. But everyone is disappearing and giving up on me. Why should I keep on trying? Why am I supposed to be recovered already when I don't even know what is wrong with me yet? Why are they abandoning me?
I recovered quite a bit for a few weeks last month but negative symptoms and some positive came back again. From the look on my doctor's face when I was explaining this, I think it was verification that it is schizophrenia. I have more than enough symptoms to qualify but he doesn't want to tell me my diagnosis for some reason.
Anyway, try as I might to get better, be better, and be functional like I was before, I just can't seem to stay even moderately functional for more than a few days usually. I get angry for no reason and I just have no control over it and just have to wait til it goes away. I also get sad really suddenly over nothing and cry uncontrollably for a long time. I don't really know what is going on with me but I'm scared and confused.
My brother and sister-in-law used to be pretty much my best friends. They stopped talking to me 6 months ago. They said that it was bullshit what I was saying was happening to me and they were mad at me. Now they just don't think I'm important enough to talk to, even when I call them. My husband is giving up and considering divorce. He is looking for work in other counties. My sister thinks I'm using my symptoms as a crutch, whatever that means. And I just feel really deserted and lonely. My mom even doesn't talk to me the same way anymore.
It makes sense that things would change. I just don't know what to do with the changes. My husband just said, "It stinks in here" and left. I try to clean as much as I can and take care of everything that needs to be taken care of but it's so hard most days. Nobody wants to help me anymore. I just want to go to bed and stay there. I'm not tired so I'd have to take something to get myself to sleep. But everyone is disappearing and giving up on me. Why should I keep on trying? Why am I supposed to be recovered already when I don't even know what is wrong with me yet? Why are they abandoning me?