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New to schizophrenia. Feeling deserted by family.

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FireAndRain

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2010
Messages
9
Location
California
Hi. I just joined. I have been seeing a doctor for 4 months because 6 months ago I had a 2-month long psychotic episode with delusions, illusions, and catatonia followed by hallucinations and agoraphobia and more intermittent catatonia.

I recovered quite a bit for a few weeks last month but negative symptoms and some positive came back again. From the look on my doctor's face when I was explaining this, I think it was verification that it is schizophrenia. I have more than enough symptoms to qualify but he doesn't want to tell me my diagnosis for some reason.

Anyway, try as I might to get better, be better, and be functional like I was before, I just can't seem to stay even moderately functional for more than a few days usually. I get angry for no reason and I just have no control over it and just have to wait til it goes away. I also get sad really suddenly over nothing and cry uncontrollably for a long time. I don't really know what is going on with me but I'm scared and confused.

My brother and sister-in-law used to be pretty much my best friends. They stopped talking to me 6 months ago. They said that it was bullshit what I was saying was happening to me and they were mad at me. Now they just don't think I'm important enough to talk to, even when I call them. My husband is giving up and considering divorce. He is looking for work in other counties. My sister thinks I'm using my symptoms as a crutch, whatever that means. And I just feel really deserted and lonely. My mom even doesn't talk to me the same way anymore.

It makes sense that things would change. I just don't know what to do with the changes. My husband just said, "It stinks in here" and left. I try to clean as much as I can and take care of everything that needs to be taken care of but it's so hard most days. Nobody wants to help me anymore. I just want to go to bed and stay there. I'm not tired so I'd have to take something to get myself to sleep. But everyone is disappearing and giving up on me. Why should I keep on trying? Why am I supposed to be recovered already when I don't even know what is wrong with me yet? Why are they abandoning me?
 
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Twylight

Guest
Hello FireAndRain and welcome to the forum

A Psychosis is terrifying and although it's been four months, don't give up hope
People Do treat you differently
The medication will make you feel like you want to sleep all the time - to begin with
But with the passage of time things will improve
 
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IntrospectionFtw!

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
383
Location
Buried under a sand castle.
Im sorry things arnt good for you at the moment i went into a stupor myself during my first episode i couldnt talk and had involentry movements so i know how it feels, personally i think thats just what happens when you take neuropletics, every time i've taken them in the past after being off of them or when i was drug naive they always had a paraodoxical effect and rendered me uselss for 2-4 weeks and im pretty sure that happens to most people and is due to the drugs but the doctors wont tell you that..im sorry your loved ones have been so cold towards you my family is getting that way with me aswell these days...it must be really hard what led to you going onto the drugs were you severely delusional before you took the medicaton? or did you noitice something was wrong and seek treatment?.
my advice to you be as proactive as you can and dont dwell on the negative thoughts and obsesse about the fact you have a illness and you must get better at all costs be grateful and rebuild your self esteem and dont beat yourself up dont set any limitations on what you can and cant do accept yourself as you are...this is not to belittle your problems im just speaking from experience what you do right now is cruicial.
 
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FireAndRain

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2010
Messages
9
Location
California
Thank you so much, both of you. I can't tell you how reassuring your words are. I don't know anyone who is going through this. I don't know anyone who even remotely understands what I'm going through. I have not been started on neuroleptics yet, actually. I just saw a psychiatrist for the first time today. He is giving me Wellbutrin to add to my Celexa and he's going to talk to my psychologist and primary care physician before our next appointment. My psychologist thinks neuroleptics might be a good idea. That's why I'm seeing the psychiatrist.

I started seeing my psychologist because I had a period of severe delusions. I didn't think I was the same person, but that I got beamed into my body from somewhere else. I kept saying, I'm not supposed to be here. I also did not believe I knew my husband or the rest of my family. I didn't trust them. I soon stopped talking to anyone. After starting celexa I had a couple weeks that I could hardly do anything but sit. I would get up to go do something but forget how to get there to do it. I was empty.

The Celexa helped somewhat but I still had periods of no energy. Those days, I can hardly even take a shower before I have to just sit down and do nothing. It took me 3 hours just to clean the kitchen and clear off a table one day.

I have phantosmia, olfactory hallucinations. The psychiatrist said that is really unusual so I don't know what that means. I thought all of this was really unusual.

I heard whispering in a restaurant once, but from an area of the restaurant where no one was. Sometimes I hear my husband say something but when I ask him what he said, he says nothing. But I'm sure I heard something. A couple days ago I was laying in bed with my husband. My cat was next to the bed. I heard a voice say "people" and it sounded like it came from where the cat was. It was a soft voice. I know my cat didn't talk. And it wasn't a big deal hearing any of those things so I have not told the doctors yet. I think I'm scared that if I tell them, then the sounds I hear will get worse.

I am writing so much. I just haven't been able to talk to anyone about this stuff really. There's only so much time with the doctors and it's hard to talk to them sometimes. Thank you guys for being on here. I am so relieved to have somewhere to go to talk about things that no one understands. I don't feel so alone and hopeless anymore.

:love:
 
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diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
hello and welcom:)firstly i cannot t6ell wether you have schizophrenia or not but i assume your in england? they like to not label people i had to ask for a diagnosis officially and until then was told i had phycosis i then had 12 sessions with a cbt therapist who told me i had schizophrenia all along! i do not like this they lie to you and treat you like a child i am not stupid and really resented that. this disease is tough i'm not going to lie to you but remeber that YOU ARE VERY ILL........ HOUSEWORK oh my god its a nightmare you have moodswings the depression never lasts. try to eat well and erxersize, read moving on you can buy that on amazon its the best book i have found on schizophrenia. just concentrate on getting well feeling better about yourself councelling really helped me its tough tho. my family wasnt there for me its hard for them also you will find that some people understand that you are ill and you cant help it keep those people as friends the ones that cant understand it might change over time. dont worry about them just concentrate on doing little things that make you feel better writing stuff down going for a walk yoga dvds and hypnosis have been helpful.get the right medication an anti depressant and an antiphycotic and schizophrenia.com is an excellent site with support and forums and a lot of love you are definately NOT alone. hugs diddy:grouphug:
 
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diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
hi again just wanted to say i looked up phantosmia and it means smelling smells that arent theresee wikipedia please talk as much as you like its what this place is for to make you feel better. i often nhear things that arent there and do exactly what you said to your husband accept mine will say something and i think he says something completely different. be srtong and hang in there diddy
 
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FireAndRain

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2010
Messages
9
Location
California
Thanks for reminding me that I'm sick. I probably shouldn't get down on myself so much when I can't seem to get much done.

I found out today that my husband went snowboarding a week ago with a girl he used to date. He has told me lie upon lie about this. Yesterday I saw he had sparkles on his face around his nose, cheeks and mouth. He acted really weird when I asked about it so I knew there was a girl he saw, I just didn't know why. He told me one story, I didn't believe it. He told me another, I still didn't believe it but he wouldn't budge. So after trying to sleep for a while I tried to figure out what to do. I read some forums on the topic. I got an idea to check his computer. Well, I didn't expect to find anything but just by looking at his history on his computer I found out that this girl he used to date was at our house using his computer to check her email while I was visiting my mother out of town Easter weekend. I cannot believe she was in my house. Now I have no idea what to believe.

He said nothing happened in Tahoe, but how should I know? He was there overnight. He told me it was a girl he just met that day and that she studies psychology so it was helpful to talk to her about me. I finally got it out of him that he drove an hour to see her yesterday and told me he was at the skate park. But he insists he just talked about me. He says she's helpful but also that she told him he is delusional if he thinks our marriage is going to work with me being sick.

He is in bed right now. He doesn't know that I know who it is. He just got up to tell me to come to bed and I said, tell me the truth, I know you're not telling me the truth. He ignored me and went back to bed. He doesn't know I know who it is or that I know she was here. When he went and saw her yesterday, he kissed her on the cheek. He told me that. But he told me she's way older than she really is and that she has a boyfriend

LIES LIES LIES. I have never had a situation like this with him before. We've been married 6 months but we've been together off and on for 9 years. He says it's because of how hard it is dealing with my condition. Is that a valid excuse?
 
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ramboghettouk

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
16,626
Location
london
Feel like that myself, my family don't care, it is hard for them where do they go for advice, the illness is covered up so much and no one talks about it, in the end my family got involved in the nsf now rethink but that had it's own opposite set of problems

Then theres the totally contradictory things doctors say, guess they mean well, you wouldn't tell someone with serious cancer the exact truth, but their lies come back to haunt

Then theres the advice people are given by well meaning members of the public who basically have no real experience, other than swatching some film on the media once

It's a pity those who claim to care aren't there when you need them, one thng i've learnt is a friend in need is a friend in deed, and to notice who's there when the shit hits the fan rather than who claims to be a friend
 
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FireAndRain

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2010
Messages
9
Location
California
That's so true that you find out who your real friends are in hard times. It's painful, though, to see that people don't care. But then again, it's really warming to see who cares a lot that you didn't know cared so much.

It is really hard for family. I want to be there for my husband but sometimes I am not myself exactly. He gets lonely and frustrated. He doesn't really have anywhere to turn because this isn't something that friends can really help with.

I get so mad when people get frustrated with this disorder. I mean, here I am doing everything I can to cope with this thing that is taking over so much of me, and people around me are throwing their hands up like they just can't take it anymore. I can't really understand how hard it is for them but I can tell it is. I just really need support and no one seems to be strong enough to offer it anymore. Like I used up all they had or something. And some people are acting like they don't know me anymore. Like it wasn't scary enough already...I'm trying to remember who I am myself and nobody is around to help me remember.
 
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