New to online forums...have BPD and need support desperately

L

lizplank

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2015
Messages
7
I've had BPD as long as I can remember (once they determined the proper diagnosis), which included bouts with anorexia, self harm, etc. I have a co-morbidity or Major Depressive Disorder. I've been institutionalized (voluntarily) 12 times, and in 2012 I swore it would be my last.

I've lost everything. My marriage, my job (believe it or not, I was a corporate bankruptcy lawyer till I los my sh*t), and most of all, the respect (and custody) of my children. Reaching out here in hopes not that someone will fix my problem, but that maybe someone would understand and could offer support. This is taking a lot of courage...I hope to God I'm to faced with judgment as so many people in my life have doled out in abundance.

If someone is out there, and has an idea of what I'm going through, please reply or private message me. I can't possibly be as alone as I feel.
 
amathus

amathus

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
16,323
Location
goodness knows!
Hi and :welcome:

I hope that you find some support here with us.
If you haven't already, have a browse through our BPD forum,
there are many accounts of other members experiences of BPD.
 
M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
You certainly are not alone :welcome: this forum is one of the best places to come to in order to realise that. We have all suffered in some way or another from this disorder. Similar to you my life has been messed up from a young age because of bdp. A bout of bulimia when I was a teenager I have struggled with my self image from a young age I still struggle to maintain a healthy diet some weeks not eating much at all to completely over doing it. Self harm too, I had my first suicide attempt at 13 years old. Problems with addiction from shopping,Alcohol problems, right through to drugs. The longest lasting job I ever had was from 16-20 in Tescos. I went to Tech only to give in up and go back to school to do a levels, I've started courses at university in England only to get so depressed and homesick I couldn't leave the student halls for 6months only to bounce back suddenly and return home to do another university course in my home town. All the while flipping between jobs,friendship groups,relationships cumulating in flying to Istanbul ALONE when I was 21 years old, stress led my bdp to make my mood go high and I was convinced escaping to another country would save me. Yes I can relate to you, and understand you and hopefully give you some advice on what helped me.

Firstly getting a diagnosis and agreeing that is what you have and understanding it is a great first step, one you've already done, you're here so I assume so! Secondly if you have been prescribed any medications from a psychiatrist or doctor take them regularly. Thirdly talk about how you are with anyone close to you or on here and if possible a mental health worker in the community and ask about some of the therapies available in your area for bdp, for example I am (hopefully need to find out next week) on the waiting list for dialectical behavioural therapy.

I'm not going to lie to you having bdp is very challenging, uncomfortable, depressing, downright frustrating and basically like an emotional rollercoaster you can't get off. Also true however is the level of empathy, trust,sympathy and other good qualities in bdp that we feel on a deeper level than most people. My experience has always been like 'being a child,in an adult world' and I'm 28 now and still feel that way! Many other people with bdp have described a similar feeling.

I just want you to know that having bdp is hard but it is not without hope there are ways of learning to cope and it certainly doesn't mean your life is over, you can learn to live with the condition even if it means fighting with your own mind sometimes! I hope through reading others stories and writing here you will feel less alone.

Best wishes

Marz
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,158
I've had BPD as long as I can remember (once they determined the proper diagnosis), which included bouts with anorexia, self harm, etc. I have a co-morbidity or Major Depressive Disorder. I've been institutionalized (voluntarily) 12 times, and in 2012 I swore it would be my last.

I've lost everything. My marriage, my job (believe it or not, I was a corporate bankruptcy lawyer till I los my sh*t), and most of all, the respect (and custody) of my children. Reaching out here in hopes not that someone will fix my problem, but that maybe someone would understand and could offer support. This is taking a lot of courage...I hope to God I'm to faced with judgment as so many people in my life have doled out in abundance.

If someone is out there, and has an idea of what I'm going through, please reply or private message me. I can't possibly be as alone as I feel.
Hi Liz

right there with ya

lost everything

career, home, kids, my mind

x

BDU
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,158
You certainly are not alone :welcome: this forum is one of the best places to come to in order to realise that. We have all suffered in some way or another from this disorder. Similar to you my life has been messed up from a young age because of bdp. A bout of bulimia when I was a teenager I have struggled with my self image from a young age I still struggle to maintain a healthy diet some weeks not eating much at all to completely over doing it. Self harm too, I had my first suicide attempt at 13 years old. Problems with addiction from shopping,Alcohol problems, right through to drugs. The longest lasting job I ever had was from 16-20 in Tescos. I went to Tech only to give in up and go back to school to do a levels, I've started courses at university in England only to get so depressed and homesick I couldn't leave the student halls for 6months only to bounce back suddenly and return home to do another university course in my home town. All the while flipping between jobs,friendship groups,relationships cumulating in flying to Istanbul ALONE when I was 21 years old, stress led my bdp to make my mood go high and I was convinced escaping to another country would save me. Yes I can relate to you, and understand you and hopefully give you some advice on what helped me.

Firstly getting a diagnosis and agreeing that is what you have and understanding it is a great first step, one you've already done, you're here so I assume so! Secondly if you have been prescribed any medications from a psychiatrist or doctor take them regularly. Thirdly talk about how you are with anyone close to you or on here and if possible a mental health worker in the community and ask about some of the therapies available in your area for bdp, for example I am (hopefully need to find out next week) on the waiting list for dialectical behavioural therapy.

I'm not going to lie to you having bdp is very challenging, uncomfortable, depressing, downright frustrating and basically like an emotional rollercoaster you can't get off. Also true however is the level of empathy, trust,sympathy and other good qualities in bdp that we feel on a deeper level than most people. My experience has always been like 'being a child,in an adult world' and I'm 28 now and still feel that way! Many other people with bdp have described a similar feeling.

I just want you to know that having bdp is hard but it is not without hope there are ways of learning to cope and it certainly doesn't mean your life is over, you can learn to live with the condition even if it means fighting with your own mind sometimes! I hope through reading others stories and writing here you will feel less alone.

Best wishes

Marz
oh Marz

so much like me its scary x
 
M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
Hi BDU I'm glad we relate to each other, though I also feel sad too as no one deserves what we go through with bdp. But of course reading each other's threads and helping others by writing and posting helps to not feel alienated or not normal. We just have to make our own 'normality' :)
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,158
Hi BDU I'm glad we relate to each other, though I also feel sad too as no one deserves what we go through with bdp. But of course reading each other's threads and helping others by writing and posting helps to not feel alienated or not normal. We just have to make our own 'normality' :)
yeah I struggle just to make it through the day, half the time

At the moment I have massive stressors in legal cases etc

ive a friend with cancer who got Depressed; she said I don't know how you do it when I told her I feel like that every.single.day

I don't know how I do it either

its the only thing im good at >>>hanging on.
 
M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
Me too hanging on is good though a good percentage of people with bdp can't hang on and then they are gone. The suicide rate is higher than in other mental illnesses like bipolar and schizophrenia.

What you friend said struck a cord with me, I'm sorry about her cancer. It made me think though about my past how did I survive it? Childhood and everything else? Do you ever wonder how you managed just to get through things? Maybe it's the medication I am on now slowing things down a little but I really don't know if I would survive them all again.
X
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,158
Me too hanging on is good though a good percentage of people with bdp can't hang on and then they are gone. The suicide rate is higher than in other mental illnesses like bipolar and schizophrenia.

What you friend said struck a cord with me, I'm sorry about her cancer. It made me think though about my past how did I survive it? Childhood and everything else? Do you ever wonder how you managed just to get through things? Maybe it's the medication I am on now slowing things down a little but I really don't know if I would survive them all again.
X
I constantly wonder how I survived - in fact, thrived for a lot of years, despite myself

im thinking growing up Downunder has something to do with it

Surrounded by folk who Made Do at the End of the Universe

Genetic endurance handed down IMO
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
11,860
Location
UK
:welcome: to the forum

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, and the heartbreaking losses you've suffered. I hope reaching out here will help with feeling so alone :peace:
 
M

MisterPositive

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2016
Messages
17
I made a song and video based on my own experience with BPD along with my own coping strategies which got me completely off of meds and happy :)
https://youtu.be/7hobk-EXmxY
 
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