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obamallamatime

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2013
Messages
2
Hey everyone.

First off thanks for clicking on this, you are awesome.
I have TMD from hitting my jaw on the steering wheel in a car accident I was in in 2011and have been battling it ever since. I also have been dealing with weird liver issues where I have insane abdominal pain to the point I was hospitalized. My liver had swollen up to four times its size and my liver enzymes (I believe that is what they said) was so high as if I had been poisoned with alcohol. I was also throwing up bile. They had no clue what it was and discharged me after a million tests and a stay of about 3 days. I still continue to have the liver pain and all they did was give me medicine for the pain. Due to all this stuff happening, I have missed alot of school. I've also lost friends over it. They say things like "look who decided to show up" when I come back or when I ask what we did in class they say "come to school and find out". They also ignore me when I come back. All this combined with my parents on the verge of divorce, my dad yelling at me about dumb things such as, for example, him not remembering that he gave me a camera of his to set up for HIM, losing all my friends, being behind on my work (and I have 3 AP classes), and missing school has caused me to sink into a deep depression.

I have recently seen my primary doctor about a month ago for flu symptoms and some shots and he diagnosed me with depression and wants me to seek therapy. He said this is the worst he's ever seen me and said he usually sees me and I am smiling and happy. Well, I called the appointment center he told me to call, and they won't let me schedule an appointment because I am in still in high school. They told me my mom has to call and schedule it. I am 18 and I thought I was finally allowed to schedule my OWN appointments, but apparently not. When asked my mom to schedule, she said do I really want to see a therapist and I said yes before I sink lower. At the time I had no suicidal thoughts, just really depressed. Fast forward two weeks, she still hasn't scheduled it and when asked why she just says how they will put me a mental ward and I won't be able to get out and ends the conversation. I then, asked my dad to schedule it. He said he would. Fast forward another two weeks, he still hasn't and says I'll mess up my life if I go to therapy cause it'll follow me to jobs and stuff. Well now I am at the lowest point I have ever been. I have been having dark thoughts like "why not just end it now? you'll never catch up on your work and you will be a failure to your parents". Being Christian, however, I know what awaits me if I did kill myself and I guess that just makes me fearful of actually doing it. I have been mildly self harming, but that is getting worse now. I feel like the suicidal thoughts have gone away and like the self harming almost replaces the thoughts. I never thought I would be this low ever in my life, but I have no idea how to deal with this anymore.

Sorry for the long post but I don't know where else to go.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Dita85

Dita85

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
3,791
Hi and welcome to the forums. Sorry you've had such a difficult time.

I'm in the UK so not familiar with the system in the States, so bear with me! It sounds to me as if your parents want the best for you, but I think perhaps they have confused ideas about mental health and therapy. I don't see why any future employer would need to know that you have had therapy and I don't think they will put you in a mental ward and not let you out. I think you need to contact your Doctor and explain the situation and see if there is a way you can access therapy without your parents making the appointment.

On the one hand it's good that your suicidal thoughts have decreased, but self harm is not a healthy way to deal with feeling bad. It's a very temporary solution that can lead to more problems. Your Doctor needs to be aware that you are doing this.

In the meantime, I'm sure you'll find lots of support here. I know things look very bleak now, but if you can hold on a little longer you may find that therapy really helps you. You've had a lot to deal with and I think some good support could make a real difference.
 
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cbbrown

Active member
Joined
Apr 3, 2013
Messages
40
I had a great deal of depression in high school, it led me to try and kill myself when i was 16 and again at around 20 before my other mental illness showed up (go into that later) your parents just have the wrong idea about therapy and the mental health system, i have been in mental hospitals and only if you are a severe case would they keep you since they are limited on time,space and money. I had a friend who had the wrong idea about mental illness and has since stopped speaking to me, since she thought therapy and meds were a sign that i was dangerous or i was in a cult ( i know very weird and totally off topic). I see a therapist once a week and i find it helpful to be able to just unleash all my feelings to a confidential person who can't tell anyone unless it's dangerous (i'm not planning to hurt anyone) so that means it can't follow you to a job or college or where ever your father said it could follow you.
 
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obamallamatime

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2013
Messages
2
Woah, your friend sounds very delusional. I'm sorry your friend wasn't very supportive, sounds just like my "friends". Thank you so much for your reply. I was starting to believe what my mom was telling me about mental hospitals. The funny thing too is she worked in a mental ward. But thank you, I am going to ask my doctor this upcoming week to schedule it for me.
 
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