New to forum suffering with very bad Anxiety and OCD any advice or kind words appreciated

P

pollypocket88

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2019
Messages
11
Location
england
#1
Hey every one

Im new to the forum I find it very hard expressing how I feel to my family and friends even tho I have tried they dont seem to understand so I tend to hide away . I used to suffer with some anxiety and ocd as a child was gone in my twenties . Then I started to feel my self getting anxious again my mid 20s I then got my self a little dog who is my best friend its like he saved me from loneliness and anxiety this dog is my world and has always been my number one priority . I was in a abusive relationship a few years ago was horrible this man abused me mentally , physically and emotionally . He never hurt my dog but many times he would lock me in rooms and tell me things that hes let him out the door stuff to scare me very often my exe partner would threaten to kill me and my dog in a car he would petrify me by speeding the car up threating to crash it . I cant believe now looking back I allowed some man to treat me like that . When I left the relationship I thought I would go back to being my happy self again some one who was always out and bout .

This year particulary and last year was particulary bad for me I take my dog litterally every where I go people just asume Im a crazy dog lady . Im just so scared of some thing happening to him . I work from home and im self employed but even my work has started to be affected by my anxiety . I have days where the door bell will go and Im inserious panic I check the doors are shut constant . If I have to pop to the shop across the road I will have like hundreds of possible things that could happen run threw my mind if I was to pop to the shop . I have a hard time even travelling in cars huge phobia of certain roads I havent been coping well . Im currently in an amazing relationship with an amazing man whos there for me and is so amazing . I decided to be brave and go see my doctor he was very understanding he put me on 100 of sertraline for now he gave me 5 weeks worth and wanted to see me after a few weeks so going to go see him and speak to him with how I have been getting on also being looking at doing some private therapy sessions Im just so anxious going to places it was hard for me to even speak to my doctor the first week the medication had me feeling like a zombie I carried on with it and My partner has noticed a huge change it me I felt bit better . But earlier I heard a knock at the door was a delivery I just went into a massive panic some thing in my head was telling me I wasnt safe so I checked the door hundreds of times then for some reason my head told me to cut my hair then me and my dog will be safe I just started cutting pieces of my hair out . Im not doing well at all Im a anxious mess sat in my room scared .

Im sick of living life like this I just want to be normal and live normally Im going to go see my doctor tomorrow well see if I can get a home visit. If any more has any advice or any thing thats helped them whether it be medication or therapies or any advice ill be very greatful not feeling great right now .
 
N

NorasDad

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
145
#2
Hey every one

Im new to the forum I find it very hard expressing how I feel to my family and friends even tho I have tried they dont seem to understand so I tend to hide away . I used to suffer with some anxiety and ocd as a child was gone in my twenties . Then I started to feel my self getting anxious again my mid 20s I then got my self a little dog who is my best friend its like he saved me from loneliness and anxiety this dog is my world and has always been my number one priority . I was in a abusive relationship a few years ago was horrible this man abused me mentally , physically and emotionally . He never hurt my dog but many times he would lock me in rooms and tell me things that hes let him out the door stuff to scare me very often my exe partner would threaten to kill me and my dog in a car he would petrify me by speeding the car up threating to crash it . I cant believe now looking back I allowed some man to treat me like that . When I left the relationship I thought I would go back to being my happy self again some one who was always out and bout .

This year particulary and last year was particulary bad for me I take my dog litterally every where I go people just asume Im a crazy dog lady . Im just so scared of some thing happening to him . I work from home and im self employed but even my work has started to be affected by my anxiety . I have days where the door bell will go and Im inserious panic I check the doors are shut constant . If I have to pop to the shop across the road I will have like hundreds of possible things that could happen run threw my mind if I was to pop to the shop . I have a hard time even travelling in cars huge phobia of certain roads I havent been coping well . Im currently in an amazing relationship with an amazing man whos there for me and is so amazing . I decided to be brave and go see my doctor he was very understanding he put me on 100 of sertraline for now he gave me 5 weeks worth and wanted to see me after a few weeks so going to go see him and speak to him with how I have been getting on also being looking at doing some private therapy sessions Im just so anxious going to places it was hard for me to even speak to my doctor the first week the medication had me feeling like a zombie I carried on with it and My partner has noticed a huge change it me I felt bit better . But earlier I heard a knock at the door was a delivery I just went into a massive panic some thing in my head was telling me I wasnt safe so I checked the door hundreds of times then for some reason my head told me to cut my hair then me and my dog will be safe I just started cutting pieces of my hair out . Im not doing well at all Im a anxious mess sat in my room scared .

Im sick of living life like this I just want to be normal and live normally Im going to go see my doctor tomorrow well see if I can get a home visit. If any more has any advice or any thing thats helped them whether it be medication or therapies or any advice ill be very greatful not feeling great right now .

Hello!

You've been through an AWFUL lot!

Wow.

You are pretty impressive to have work and an partner right now.

What you're feeling is totally normal case of very bad trauma-related anxiety to which you're obviously very susceptible.

First remember (because I just read it today ;-)) that it's not the experience (now) that is hurting you, but your reaction. Your dog couldn't be safer. You can go outside. But of course that's easier said than done.

When you start to feel afraid (but perhaps not VERY afraid), stop yourself for a moment, breathe deep, and review the thoughts you have in your mind. Ok, those thoughts are metaphorically a "mental bully" living right inside you! Of course this horrible abuser has put that kind of thought pattern there. But he's gone, so in a way you have an advantage here.

Let's say you got terrified by the doorbell. Reluctantly, fearfully, you open in and get the package from Amazon. Look at the person who brought it. Let's say it's a young man. Now imagine the young man from OUTSIDE your home, right before he rang your bell.

He's tired. Working for Amazon is not easy. He's not really happy with himself having only this job, and his girlfriend isn't entirely happy either. He desperately wants a cup of tea but there's now way he'll have time for one and keep his schedule. "Oh, please, open the door, madam, if you do, I can get a cup of tea!" he thinks. Imagine looking at him from all sides. He's just a regular chap. He's had his scrapes but he's never hurt anyone. He likes football and the pub. Maybe he's into something like carp fishing.

After a while, you'll see this person who was so threatening moments ago as more like you. You'll be able to convince a body and brain that got so used to gearing up for battle with an abuser that the world is not generally like that.

Now imagine that right behind the door, you had a fresh, hot cup of tea. The Amazon fellow rang the bell, you saw the way he looked at the tea and gave it to him. "No, you take it dear and don't mind about the cup." He smiles because he's a person just like you.

Give it a go.
 

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