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New to Forum and Depression looking for advice

L

LadyBetts

Active member
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
Messages
28
Location
New Mexico
Hello everyone,
I've recently been diagnosed with depression and I'm not sure how to handle it.
I would like to start out by telling you what I have been feeling and see if anyone has any similar experiences and see what helps/helped you deal and overcome them.
I know people are different but I would just like advice on what to do. Some sites are vague and I don't understand how to get started or apply some of the things they tell you, my main issue is motivation.

I'm a young collage student and don't have a lot of monetary resources to spend on a therapist. I've looked for support groups in my area but it doesn't look like we have any if not very few there is just no information.

I feel like I don't know who I am, and it feels like there is something wrong with my mind. I don't think of myself as a person I would like. (I realize this and I wan't to find myself) I have very very little motivation and I cant wake up in the mornings not out of laziness but I find myself saying "I would rather be asleep than be present in this life. (Not sure if Im wording this right) But my Doctor tells me this is a replacement for suicidal thoughts, that I don't want to kill myself, but I just want to be nonexistent in this world, which is true. I find myself getting irritated and then furious for little things which Isn't who I think I am. It seems like many people have a reason to be depressed such as loss, I've lost, but my depression feels like its just there causing guilt. I don't find pleasure in things that I like anymore. I can't focus on school. Its almost like I like to torture myself on negative things. I push friends away and I'm an amazing lier when it comes to convincing people I am ok or that I feel successful (which I don't).

I apologize for any grammatical errors, and I appreciate any advice and most certainly appreciate anyone taking the time to read my post. I hope I came through clearly, I truly wan't to get better.

Thank you all and I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say :)
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
:welcome: to the forum

but I find myself saying "I would rather be asleep than be present in this life. (Not sure if Im wording this right) But my Doctor tells me this is a replacement for suicidal thoughts, that I don't want to kill myself, but I just want to be nonexistent in this world, which is true.
I understand that feeling very well. Except from one occasion when I ended up in hospital, all the things I have done is for that reason. This may sound strange but it's good that you are feeling like this, it means that you know you have something to live for, even if you don't know it. You have a little thing that you don't want to lose.

Do you think it might be worth asking for a little break from school or even taking a little break, even just for a couple of days, just to relax and see how you feel then?

Is there any kind of counselling services in your College. It might have a wait but it would be something to help?

Hope you feel better soon.

Marliee x
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
hello and welcome to the forums
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
First of all, welcome to the forum. :hi:

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, though well done for reaching out - it's a big step.

Does your college offer any student support or counselling services?
Also, don't know how you feel about making people aware of how you're feeling, but I found it useful to tell my tutor when I was on a course previously that I have depression.
It just felt better knowing that they were aware of my situation and they were kind enough to extend a few deadlines when I was really struggling to get things done.

I can very much relate to the feelings you've described, about not wanting to be part of the world and wanting to stay in bed.

The only thing that's helped is to either bribe myself into doing something with the promise of a treat at the end.. and/or to focus on breaking a task down into little steps and doing one small step at a time.

Am wondering too if you've thought of getting any self-help books? There are quite a few good ones out there.
 
L

LadyBetts

Active member
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
Messages
28
Location
New Mexico
Thank you MarlieeBee!

Yes I think I just found out what my reason is :)

I am afraid of a break from school I worry they won't let me back in, but I will take the time over winter break to see how I feel. My Doctor suggested I keep contact with family to a minimum as it is a major trigger for my depression. I feel that I can use that time to evaluate my life.

I'll have to look into my collage, I haven't thought about it but I will defiantly look into it.

Thank you for everything!

Betts
 
L

LadyBetts

Active member
Joined
Dec 9, 2014
Messages
28
Location
New Mexico
Thank you SomersetScorpio!

I have to check, I haven't thought about looking into my collage yet.
I would like to tell one of my professors about my depression but Im scared. Our professors are our advisors here and I think it would be beneficial that he knew. Should I let him know in person or through e-mail?

This morning I woke up quickly I was excited to see if anyone had posted I wonder If keeping a journal or blog could become one of my morning routines. I felt joy about writing again. Thank you for your advice I'll try it.

Do you have any suggestions on books? I was recommended one that helped a friend, but its more about success.

Thank you so much for your advice!!

Betts
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Personally, i'd chat to one of your professors in person rather than e-mail. But if you think that might give you too much anxiety, then an e-mail would be ok. It's whatever you're more comfortable with.
A psychiatrist I saw years ago recommended "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook For Dummies".
I've not always got on with CBT, but I have found that book a good one. And don't be put off by the daft title. Also, do make sure to that you buy the workbook rather than just CBT for dummies.
 
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