• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

new to all this

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date542

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
7
hi i`m mark, just turned 40...felt bad for years...dont know where to turn..tbh think its over....formed no friendships or relationships..not one....made pathetic attempt at suicide when i was 21...spent 20s and 30s feeling like crap....should have been out there enjoyin myself....my younger brother..different to me...good lookin ..popular..good job...easy going..likeable....capable...all the things i`m not...18 months ago..he committed suicide....no warning..he had it all....my fault..think he got idea from me....he was a kid when i tried.....now my self loathing low self esteem that i`ve had all my life....where is it going? tried session with counselor bout 10 yrs ago after bein on waiting list for about 6 months..she said stop feelin sorry for myself and think of people who are bed ridden....absolutely right..never been physically ill in my life.....get this feeling i`m gonna live to 92....and every single day gonna be like the last 40 years.....miserable....
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Welcome to the forum...I hope you find it helpful. :flowers:

One comment I'd like to make....I really, really don't think your behaviour/unhappiness would have had anything to do with your brother's suicide. Some people are very good at hiding how bad they feel and can infact seem to be doing very well.

It's never too late to turn things round and have the sort of quality of life we all deserve. Hope you can get support....this forum is a great place to start.

In some ways bedridden people can have a better quality of life than people suffering from depression/misery/mental illness. Sorry, but I think that is true. Pain is pain and that's the end of it (in my opinion). I hope you feel you can try again - there are some great counsellors/psychologists/therapists out there. I sought help (briefly) when I was younger and it just didn't work out. Now is my time. Maybe now is your time too?

Wishing you all the very best.
:hug:
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
Hi, and welcome to the forum! :welcome:
I also think you should not ever blame yourself for someone elses actions. There's such a thing as "free will". We all enjoy it and you never can really know another person completely, in my humble opinion.
It's so easy to stay stuck in the past - I know - and I hope you can stop blaming yourself with the 'what if's'.
It's a new day! Make something of it. :flowers:
 
L

lonelyandlost

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
233
Location
Bradford
Hi Mark
Welcome to the forum,
I am sure you will get plenty of support from here and make friend too
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Mark

And :welcome: to the forum. I agree with what others have said.

In my opinion what your counsellor said was totally wrong and I don't know of any therapist that would agree with that type of comment being made in a therapeutic relationship.

Counselling/therapy approaches have changed alot in the last ten years, it is never too late to try again. I have had many therapists and approaches over the years and the one I have now is the only one to have made a really positive impact on me and my mental health problems.

As others have said it is never too late to turn things around, please don't give up.
 
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babydoll

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
5
reassurance

I'm so sorry that you are this down in yourself. Let me assure you of one thing and I DO speak from experience. your brother's suicide was absolutely NOTHING to do with your own depression.3 weeks ago my boyfriend of 18 years asked me to marry him. I agreed and we took a photo to mark the occasion. now i sit alone with that photo because the next day he committed suicide and he seemed to have EVERYTHING going for him.There are no answers,only the man above knows.You seem to have extremly low self esteem.i would suggest going to your GP and having an honest chat and see where that takes you.Its time to act.As you said yourself, who wants to live a life of emotional pain for 92 years???? regards, Lisa
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
Hi Mark I have just turned 40 as well and reading your post your life experience sounds similar to mine, I also had a bad experience with a councillor years ago who told me something along the lines of "I need to get out and mix more" which was a bit pointless as my inability to do that was the reason I went to see her in the first place, but I have spoken with other councillor’s since who were far better.

If you haven’t already can I suggest you go to your GP and tell him what you have said here, things can improve :)
 
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date542

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
7
was goin to gp who referred me to waiting list to see counsellor..in the meantime he was giving me drugs....gave me nasty side effects...used to see him once a month to see if date had come through for counsellor appointment...found whole thing very embarrassing..as when i saw doctor was in ok mood and felt awkward and guilty about taking up his time as he had waiting room full of sick people.....
similarly..when i saw counsellor..after 6 month wait..didnt feel too bad.so found it hard to talk...after she made remark about less fortunate house bound people..felt totally humiliated and thanked her for her time and left..not bothered since...that was about 98/99..

firmly believe that if you`re not meant to be here..then you`re not meant to be here....need losers like me to make winners look good...
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Hi Mark,
I am sorry that you have had a tough time. The thing you must remember with mental health problems is that it is very variable. One day you might feel amazing and the next - terrible. Your GP will (Or should) know this. Please don't feel guilty for seeing the GP when you are not feeling down or whatever. You have a right to be there regardless of if you are or are not feeling down.

It can be really difficult to get a counsellor or therapist that you get along with and who you feel at ease talking to. It seems that that particular one was not the right one for you. It was very difficult for me when I first went into therapy - I struggled to know what to talk about. I especially found it hard as it was drilled into me to keep our families - secrets and dirt linen private. It took me a long, long time to be able to talk openly and honestly. I hope you try for another therapist and find one you can speak too.
Take care and good luck.
Jacqui
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
I agree with Jacqui,
You obviously still would like help or you wouldn't be posting here on this forum.
I can get terribly morose and down on myself, too. Most - if not all - of us have been there.
Please don't let that experience stop you from trying to get the help you need and deserve.
It doesn't always 'click' the first time around with doctors, councilors, etc.
Please don't do yourself an injustice by giving up, and please keep posting! It does a world of good to just get things off our shoulders.
Take care :flowers:
 
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date542

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
7
down

i`m so empty....theres nothing left...
 
T

Twylight

Guest
Hello Mark and Welcome

It's no consolation but my girlfriend took her own life - it did me in for years - thinking it was my fault - but in the end it's their choice, So don't blame yourself.
 
Emily-Rose

Emily-Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2009
Messages
159
Hi Mark

Welcome to the forum

I'm ew too, I hope you like it here.

PM me anytime.

Emily.x
 
butterfly

butterfly

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2009
Messages
14
Hi Mark - I'm new too. Hope you find the support you need. Your post really hit home with me xx
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
Hi Mark,
:welcome: to the forums.

I was sounding like you not so long ago, but please believe me when I say that things do get better. Hope that doesn't sound too patronising, but I mean it.
 
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