• Welcome! If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

new to all this & scared......

C

crazy daisy

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
8
Location
staffordshire
hi, found this site a few weeks ago & it was so good to know so many other people out there.
ive had problems since i was about 10 or 11, just never felt "normal", whatever that is. have had strange reactions to everyday situations and when things go wrong i tend to switch off and blank things out, disassociating etc, have so many blank gaps throughout my life but am told i get very angry, violent, hysterical really.
my moods tend to fluctuate rapidly, particulary at the moment. throughout the day i think i can cover the whole spectrum. im fed up. im tired.... so tired all the time, i find it exhausting being me.
up until last week ive put a brave face on, hid all my thoughts, self harm etc. then i od on my meds. finally people are helping me although i dont see how they can. i push everyone away cos i think its better for them if they dont have to deal with me
then when im up im fabulous!!! have so much debt cos of my wild spending on stuff i so dont need. then when i come back to reality im so guilty and ashamed of myself. when im up i want to be out all the time, with no responsibilities. i drink far too much to prolong the feeling.
the doctors today have decided ive got some sort of personality/emotional disorder and my moods seem to indicate bipolar, which i kindve gathered.
im just so scared now about what all this means for me. my daughter, my job, my life as it is now. hate the thought of being medicated for the rest of my life just to feel "normal". theres that word again
sorry this is such a long ramble, needed to ramble it out of my head.........:(
 
gray

gray

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
89
How would you describe your childhood?
 
DiagnosisBipolar2

DiagnosisBipolar2

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
261
Location
Wiltshire
Hi Crazy Daisy and welcome to the forum:welcome:

I can identify with so much of what you have said and it sounds like you are finally getting the help you need so that's all positive.

I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 myself and I had exactly the same fears as you but it needn't take over your life not if you dont let it! Define "normal" anyway I have never met a normal person. The mental health services like to give people a label but I believe we can all identify with several of the labels within the mental health. For example I can identify with a bit from the OCD box a bit from the aspergers box its almost like a pick n mix lol.

As for the medication do you take tablets if you have a headache? Would you get your leg mended if it was broken?

Keep posting on here you will get lots of support:grouphug:
 
C

crazy daisy

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
8
Location
staffordshire
my childhood was absolutely great!!!nothing there that wouldve caused any problem whatso ever.
:)
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Daisey,
I too could relate with you an awful lot. I;ve Bipolar 1. Ultra radian cycler with mixed episodes. I cycle very quickly. I am high most of the time. My depressions last usually on a day or two. Even though I am elated a ot of the time., I too feel exhausted most of the time. However, despite being exhausted, i push myself and push myself. I don't stop and do things that aren't even necessary. Fo example . . . I would just suddenly decide that I am going to go to another part of town to a park and take photos. Even though I am fighting to keep my eyes go and my body is drained - I keep going. Kind of like the energizer bunny!! :cry:

2005 I must have spent at least £15,000-£18, 000 in the space of 4 months. I don't work and haven't due to my mental helath problems for 15 years. SO I am skint. I can't manage my money anymore = which is so NOT like me. Just this week - I ordered a £329.99d digital camera. I hae a 6 month old amazing camera that cost about £250. I don't need a new camera!

Lastly - I have pushed all my friends aaway as I was very ill - still am. I didn't want to hurt anyone as I am very irritable and I feared losing a friend.

Don't get worried about medication. If it means it gets control of your illness - it's more than worth it.
Take care,
Jacqui x
BTW . . . :welcome:
 
Star-x-Smile

Star-x-Smile

Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2009
Messages
16
Location
Tain, Scotland
Hey there. I can relate to what your saying. But dont let it get you down. Meds should be there to help and if they help you, thats the main thing. So if your on them permanently, it should be worth it if its doing its job. Having a mental illness doesnt spell the end for you. Ensure you get the right support and try to identify when you need it before things escalate too much. As for your daughter, she too will be ok. Am sure your a good mum. Just do your best hun. You will always be her mum and her love for you will be unconditional. You can still have a good quality of life. Dont let this win you over. With the right kind of support, you can gain back control. You will always find support, and thats including this forum. Keep your chin up hun. Your not alone. Xxx
 
C

crazy daisy

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
8
Location
staffordshire
just wanted to say that the people on here are so lovely! i posted a couple of days ago and already have had lots of support from u guys. wish id found this site ages ago
xxxxx:grouphug::clap:
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
I have Bipolar2 and Borderline Personality Disorder, My psych indicated that there can be considerable overlap between the two.

QF.
 
C

crazy daisy

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
8
Location
staffordshire
its the personailty bit i dont get. found it really hard to hear it from the doctor. felt like she was telling me i was completely mad. that she was questionning me as a person somehow, i mean your personality is just you isnt it. to have someone suggest theres a problem with it just feels wrong.
 
intelgal

intelgal

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
1,413
Location
Yorkshire
Hi crazy Daisy...

:welcome: to the forum... Good to have you around

Intel
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
D i can't stand it anymore i'm scared Bipolar Forum 11
R First manic episode left me very scared Bipolar Forum 11
M New Job after long unemployment - Very Scared Bipolar Forum 8
G I’m scared Bipolar Forum 2
R Kinda Scared Bipolar Forum 4
G Scared Bipolar Forum 7

Similar threads

Top