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New Relationship... self harm also an issue..

Paris

Paris

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
12
Location
England
Hi I'm new to this.. and I just joined after doing a google self harm forum search and came up with this site.

Anyway Im not too sure if I should have posted in this section or the self harm one but my issue is mainly to do with a relationship.. here goes.. (please feel free to go and make a coffe/hot chocolate before reading on) lol

Im 23 years old.. I have been talking to this old school friend whos also 23 we went to the same primary school etc but never really talked at school and all of a sudden he added me on myspace and any way we have started talking and going out for drinks etc and its gotten to a stage where I really fancy him and vice versa.. and he would like to start going out with me.. the only thing is I was a self harmer and I have really horriable nasty scars on my arms mainly that I know he would probably think i'm a wierdo/freak for...

I keep telling him we should just stay friends even though I would love to be with him..

I feel embarrased I used to self harm and always cover up.. I have only ever had one bf who Ive broken up with and he was fine about my scars - I used 2 self harm whilst with him.

What do I do? :confused:

Tell him i was a self harmer...
Make up some story about my cat attaking me :unsure:


Thanks guys

x
 
Sugar Coated Owl

Sugar Coated Owl

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
Messages
203
Location
Surrey
I say go for it! :)

Would it be possible to cover up your scars? Have you tried foundation/concealer? There is a product called Dermablend that you can buy or your Doctor can prescribe it. It is a camaflage make up and is supposed to cover up scars so that they are hardly noticeable.

I tend to wear a tubi-grip to work wear long sleeved tops outside of work.

In the short term maybe the above options would be OK, once you get to know each other better and you feel comfortable perhaps then you can explain about the self-harm.

Good luck :)
 
Paris

Paris

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
12
Location
England
Do you know what I was researching Dermablend and seriously considering it, as i am due to go on a family holiday and the weather will be hot and my family do not know about my self harming :S

.. however I'm unsure which shade to buy- dont wana get it wrong as its not really that cheap

I will go to my doc who i told and he said just buy some cream... the clown didnt wana prescribe me anything :mad:

I'll see if he will presecribe me some dermablend.. any way you have mentioned foundation/concealer.. Is there any particular type u know that would work?

Thank you

:flowers:
 
Sugar Coated Owl

Sugar Coated Owl

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
Messages
203
Location
Surrey
I know if a dermatologist prescribes dermablend they do a color match. There is a Vichy Dermablend trial kit that has a sample of each shade, might be worth buying that. I don't the trial kit is too expensive.

Sorry to hear the Dr. wasn't that helpful :( could you see another?

Any foundation/concealer will do, however it does depend on the type of scars you've got. I've just tried covering mine up with Lancome foundation and Estee Lauder concealer and yeah they are covered up but the scars are raised so it doesn't really work. I think if you have a flat scar/isn't raised it would work much better. (I hope that makes sense!)
 
Paris

Paris

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
12
Location
England
Do you know where i can get the trial kit from??

I totally understand what you mean about the scars mine are raised.. all my doc said was "lets see" i showed him and he said if you have surgery it will make them worse.. i was thinking i dont want surgery then he said oh just buy some cream.. hes a really old doc who types on the computer 1 key at a time... i think he doesnt understand self harm at all as he only understands things like having the flu :S

I will go to see him again.. if i pester him about prescribing me cream i think he would lol (in a non wierdo way)

Thanks for your help.. its really made me feel positive as before wen this guy lets call him "jack" for purposes of this forum... always trys kissin me etc and I kno it may lead to more so I shy away...because I know not every one is acepting about scars etc..

x
 
Sugar Coated Owl

Sugar Coated Owl

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
Messages
203
Location
Surrey
Hi again, I've seen it here but unfortunately it is out of stock at the moment, as you can see it's only £4.50 :) Hopefully you can get hold of it when it comes back into stock, at least then you can check out all the shades and also see if it will actually cover your scars prior to spending a lot of money on a large tube.

Have you tried those scar reducing patches? I'm not sure how well they work, might be worth a try.

Hope things go well with Jack :)
 
J

jemoess

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Messages
16
Location
Australia
bio oil is good for healing scars - i've only got the most recent scars showing now. you have to use it three times a day for it to really work, but it does actually work.

dermablend is good if your scars are flat. i've got some raised ones, and you can tell, but it's worth getting. especially in summer. if you get the powder too, you can even get a little wet - i had a shower and tried to wash it off with normal soap, and it wouldn't move. you might even be able to go swimming. on the website there is a list somewhere of chemists that stock it - you could see if there's one near you, they usually have testers.

you don't have to tell him anything yet, you can wait until you know him a bit better. the only time i've ever told guys i've dated is when it was completely noticable and unhidable, like the day i wore a sleeveless dress to the beach and got burned and all my scars were bright red and raised again.
 
J

jemoess

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Messages
16
Location
Australia
larial12- why are you shocked?

consulting a skin doctor is not necessary, there are plenty of things available in department stores and chemists to help fade scars, and there are several types of cover-up makeup available to conceal them.

a skin doctor may be able to refer you for treatments to surgically fix the scars, but other then that, they are just going to tell you about products like bio-oil, dermablend, etc.

i've read the first post again, and i have a couple more things i wanted to quickly add.

not all people react the way we expect them to. you may find that should you decide to tell him, he reacts really well and doesn't think you're weird at all.

also there are plenty of ways to cover up so it's not suspicious, even when it's crazy hot. and there are plenty of reasons that are believable. for example, if it's spring, then you can say you're a little cold still. if it's really hot, get some really light, long-sleeved shirts, and you can say that you need to protect your skin from sunlight. and if it's cold, then it's really easy to cover up :)

hope you're doing okay
 
Paris

Paris

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
12
Location
England
thanks razorblade kiss..


larial12 - you wont understand self harm unless you go through it, not that im suggesting you do so.

jameoss - thanks for the tips :)

Jack update,
well i invited him around and well we'r not official but things are moving forward.. still not told him about my ugly scars..however i did have a jumper on and im sure he implied i should take it off as it was quite warm in the house.. i pretended i was v cold :D

ordered some dermablend.. hopefully that will hide scars.. and i am using bio oil as well infact i have been using it since august.
 
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