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New Relationship Anxiety

A

AlivenAnxious

New member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Philadelphia
I am dating a new guy, who is really awesome! He has a five year old, and the relationship is new, so I haven't met his kid yet. We haven't seen each other this week because it is his week with his kid, but this isn't the first week that this has occurred (it's been about two months of dating). However, this week in particular, I feel that we have not really had any real meaningful conversation or connection. I know he is not ignoring me, or at least no intending to, but this is how it feels. I notice he'll go hours without responding to a text, but I'll see he was active on snapchat. I'm trying not to overthink, and give him the benefit of the doubt, but this week has been hard.

Background info...I dated a guy before who had a 5 year old child. He cheated on me with his baby mom, and it really hurt. I felt like I was always on my toes around him, and was constantly trying to put my best, perfect self forward, rather than just be myself. I was convinced and maybe still so he was the love of my life. He had such a charm about him. A few months after our breakup, I reached out and we resumed a secret year long relationship, only to reveal he was still seeing another woman. I knew this would never work out, and went on dates during this time, but it still hurt again.

Sometimes I think I jumped into the new relationship too soon. Sometimes I think I'm scared to be alone, and have no sense of shame. Sometimes I think this new guy is too good to be true. This week, I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop and I feel sick to my stomach at times.
 
S

Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
276
Location
UK
I think this is natural and normal given your relationship history. When trust has been broken so badly naturally we will have a wound around trust.

Imo we can never totally trust others but we can learn to trust ourselves so that we do what is best for us. If this guy turns out to be a bad egg, you can trust yourself to let him go and build a life without him. If he turns out to be good, you can trust yourself to enjoy what you have together.

Work on trusting you.
 
StrugglingToForget

StrugglingToForget

Active member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
36
Location
UK
It's so easy to rush into a new relationship. I did it with my current, and no regrets but, that first year or so really was the greatest. We went out a lot together and my mental health wasn't quite so bad during that first year or so.

If I could give any heartfelt advice I guess it would be to just find yourself as best as you can, and enjoy it. Because I swear before people go on to have children, like myself too, it's a lot less complicated. It's so much more stressful now being a parent.

I am the sort of person who isn't very independent either. I always knew I wanted to be settled down, but even that has its fair share of challenges if your own mental health isn't up to scratch.

And hey, you sound like quite a deep person, without knowing further. If he ends up being the one, he will understand your concerns. I know you may not want to scare him away or make it all about you, but honestly, if you're after a deep and meaningful relationship, that was how mine came about. By talking, and taking control of that feeling.

Don't be afraid for this to ultimately not work out either. Although of course I sincerely hope that things pick up soon!:grouphug:
 
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