- Jul 9, 2019
- Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
I just realized something important while I was lying awake in bed last night. Background: In my head what happens is that I will have an explicit thought (in my own voice). The voice will then apparently "comment" on that thought. The "comments" are usually very negative and take on a judgmental tone. Up until just now, I believed that the voice was another part of me harshly judging my every explicit thought and opinion-perhaps as a result of negative messages from abusive people in my life that I ended up internalizing. Then, last night, something funny happened. As I was thinking about something (in my own explicit voice), the voice made a number of comments in rapid succession. Except the comments were contradictory in nature and did not seem logically related to what I was saying at all. In other words, it appears that what I have hitherto perceived as "responses" from the voice, are actually just these repetitive secondary thoughts that come up in my mind (from memory) - unrelated to my original explicit thoughts. Thus, it appears that it is not that I secretly hate myself, disagree with my own thoughts, or necessarily judge myself so harshly. Instead, it seems that the neurons in my brain are misfiring due to some sort of chemical imbalance- and that my brain subsequently tries to apply meaning to it (a meaning that is probably derived from life experience with harsh and judgmental people) by interpreting it as a "voice", with its own opinions, thoughts, and desires. Anyway, I do think that this realization will, over time, help me cope better with the voice. Would like to hear if anyone else had any similar realizations?