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New PTSD diagnosis

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Sixpence06

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
1
Hi everybody, this is my very first time posting on a forum but I thought I'd see if it helps. I had an assessment last week with my local community mental health team and have been diagnosed with PTSD. This isn't a big surprise as GPs have mentioned this a few times in the past but I've always recovered quickly from an episode and have seemed perfectly well on the surface so I've never had any treatment or formal diagnosis. An episode a few weeks ago was the longest and hardest to deal with though and for the first time Pandora's box really opened with no way of shutting it again. I took 3 weeks off work for the first time as I couldn't stop the crying, couldn't think of anything at all - I was completely numb.

I experienced 3 traumas in 4 years over 10 years ago now. Whilst I don't feel the first two traumas have had a big longterm effect on me, the third trauma, being raped, has shaped my life. Whilst I have told a few people, this has only ever been in a detached way and I have never spoken about what actually happened or really expressed any emotion. My coping mechanism has always been to work hard, do well in my career and keep going - I suppose I have worn a mask to the world. Many people think I am the most together and controlled person they have met. But there is a whole part of me that I hide from everybody. I feel like my life stopped 10 years ago. Consequently I'm not really close to anybody, have never had a relationship since the rape and have isolated myself from the world. I have done everything I possibly can to avoid reminders (which I know is not healthy) but with #metoo, daily news headlines, tv story lines etc there's no escaping it now. I have also just started trauma focused CBT and for the first time am having to confront what happened. I can't really remember large parts as I've blocked it out as a way of coping but the thought of even trying to recall memories i'm finding overwhelming. I am tearful everyday - today on the train, in work, writing this. I don't however have flashbacks as other people seem to. I'm not sure if its because everything is so suppressed that silent crying is the only way of releasing any emotion at the moment. I guess I'll find out now I've started this journey. Thanks for reading - it's been good to put something in words.
 
write

write

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 4, 2017
Messages
1,601
Location
stuck
Welcome xx. Can relate to how you feel. Hope your therapy helps you, and here too xx
 
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Icarus

New member
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
2
I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. The political climate has been tough - it's not easy. Though if it helps, I don't have traditional flashbacks either. I know that's a common part of PTSD, but I'm not sure all of us go through it. Doesn't mean it isn't awful, but if it helps to know, it helps to know.
 
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