• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

New panic, depressed and anxiety stricken human here to introduce myself

DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks since April of this year and I’m trying to hold on and hang in there. But it’s been hard. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life really but I dealt with it in terrible ways like self-harming and I would lay in my bed for days not eat or sleep. But I managed it in my own terrible way and I was fine it wasn’t as severe as it is now especially my anxiety. I started smoking weed this year to help with my anxiety but I smoked too much and had a severe panic attack. Now my anxiety is super severe and I my fight or flight mode is out of wack. My heart is the problem it’s what I’m most worried about, the fear of having a stress induced panic attack. I can’t really walk around without my heart beating put of my chest and my family just tells me to snap put of it. I’ve been to the ER three times and each time they told me my heart was healthy that nothing was wrong with me it was just anxiety. Every time I went I felt like a fool but each time it felt like I was having a heart attack. I had a panic attack at a rite aid a few months ago and ever since then going to stores and outside even in a car has been difficult because I start to panic.Now I’m agoraphobic. I’m on medication but it’s going to take some time to work and I dunno my anxiety is causing me to not eat certain foods and my family is just so sick of me. I feel like an empty shell washed up on some forgotten beach where everything dies. I’m sorry to talk so morbidly. I’ve tried to pray I’ve tried to hang on but it’s so hard to do it by myself. Nobody cares about me not even my own family. I think they’d be better off without me. But I keep telling myself and my mind not to give up keep going but I’m nearing the edge of the cliff.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
T

TheRealMe

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
20
Location
ontario
Nobody is better off without you. Anxiety is suffocating, and people who don't suffer from it can really down play what it is and how it really affects every aspect of your life. It can be incredibly hard when people you've relied on your whole life dont seem there for you. Unfortunately it is something inside of us, and it is something we need to figure out. That's what you are doing here. That's what I'm doing here. We may not be good at it but we will be. On a good high, smoking weed can be fantastic, but it can definitely inspire anxiety and panic. Be careful of your state of mind before hand, if you already feel panicked, it's probably not going to help. Depending on your purchasing options, try to read up on what you are going to smoke, the strain really does make a difference if you are looking for a bit of ease you want something that brings you more of a euphoric feeling. The racing heart can be a positive feeling when your high, but certainly not if you're feeling it negatively already. I have reduced my own smoking recently because it adds to my stress, I miss it, and I will go back, when im ready. Is there anything in your life that brought these feelings on so strongly, or do you feel you're just slipping deeper?
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
Well I am trying to earn my wings so maybe we can help you. So it got really bad with the height of covid ? Might help you to know their is a collective consciousness made up of all the energy of peoples emotions . Very negative emotions out there now. We can tune into that neg energy very easily .and it will drain us of our emotional well being. We can protect ourselves from it with positive energy that seals from it. You can find 60 affirmations for women , for mental health you say them outloud to give it meaning everyday. They wont work with pot , alcohol . Then you have to look at your beliefs thats causing the anxiety with therapy . :)
 
DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
Nobody is better off without you. Anxiety is suffocating, and people who don't suffer from it can really down play what it is and how it really affects every aspect of your life. It can be incredibly hard when people you've relied on your whole life dont seem there for you. Unfortunately it is something inside of us, and it is something we need to figure out. That's what you are doing here. That's what I'm doing here. We may not be good at it but we will be. On a good high, smoking weed can be fantastic, but it can definitely inspire anxiety and panic. Be careful of your state of mind before hand, if you already feel panicked, it's probably not going to help. Depending on your purchasing options, try to read up on what you are going to smoke, the strain really does make a difference if you are looking for a bit of ease you want something that brings you more of a euphoric feeling. The racing heart can be a positive feeling when your high, but certainly not if you're feeling it negatively already. I have reduced my own smoking recently because it adds to my stress, I miss it, and I will go back, when im ready. Is there anything in your life that brought these feelings on so strongly, or do you feel you're just slipping deeper?
I only smoked weed a few times in March and then in April is when I had that horrible experience. I’m not an avid weed smoker I wanted to be. But my doctor told me to stay away from it. I don’t know if the weed triggered my panic attacks or if it was already there and the weed just progressed it somehow. My aunt suffers from the same illness but even she doesn’t understand me. She told me you need to try harder I mean you can’t stay in the house forever nothings wrong with you you need to try and it’s like I’m trying so hard. It hurt and took me by surprise. I guess because she’s out of the woods with medication she can say those things to me. There is something that happened to me three years ago and that pain is still there. I don’t know if I can say what happened on these forums it’s not anything horrible but it was horrible for me. It was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and haunts me still. But I’ve dealt with it for three years until now. I feel like I’m suffering because of what I selfishly did. The mistake I made caused me to hate myself. I do feel as though I am slipping deeper like all this time maybe I wasn’t meant to be alive. My anxiety has stopped me from doing normal things. I can’t even take a nice hot shower without panicking, I think it’s the heat or the steam that triggers it. I just feel like I’m not living anymore. I feel so hallow. I’m barely living so what’s the point.
 
T

TheRealMe

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
20
Location
ontario
It took me a long time of doing life the wrong way before I even had the courage to post anything in a forum like this. Im still trying to make myself do it, and do it honestly. I dont know who I have been most of my life. It is hard to put yourself out there when you don't know who you are and its even harder to figure out who you are when you don't feel like you're worth the effort. Ive always forced myself through social situations and I rarely enjoy them. Just something I have to do. But I have regrets, so there must be something I need to change. I dont always feel worth it, and I give up alot. But then more regret. Giving up has always caused regret. I am envious of people who look forward to things all the time. I mostly look forward to getting through things. But I've lost a lot of time, and I don't want to keep doing that. You've mentioned some guilt you have, you definitely need to deal with that in some way or another. You can't always make things right, and unfortunately can't take them back, but you need to forgive yourself on some level. We all make mistakes. Ive also made some that I would never put in a forum like this either. Everyone has. There are alot of helpful people on here, and alot of people that you will be able to identify with. You've come here to improve your life, because it's worth doing. Your problems are serious, and they do matter to other people. Not everyone will have the answers for you, but that certainly doesn't mean that nobody cares. You have carried your pain for a long time. But it is scary how quickly 3 years will become 4 years and so on. Keep on looking, keep on opening up. You will find people you need and whether you see it or not, there are people who need you. Fail again and again, but don't give up
 
DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
It took me a long time of doing life the wrong way before I even had the courage to post anything in a forum like this. Im still trying to make myself do it, and do it honestly. I dont know who I have been most of my life. It is hard to put yourself out there when you don't know who you are and its even harder to figure out who you are when you don't feel like you're worth the effort. Ive always forced myself through social situations and I rarely enjoy them. Just something I have to do. But I have regrets, so there must be something I need to change. I dont always feel worth it, and I give up alot. But then more regret. Giving up has always caused regret. I am envious of people who look forward to things all the time. I mostly look forward to getting through things. But I've lost a lot of time, and I don't want to keep doing that. You've mentioned some guilt you have, you definitely need to deal with that in some way or another. You can't always make things right, and unfortunately can't take them back, but you need to forgive yourself on some level. We all make mistakes. Ive also made some that I would never put in a forum like this either. Everyone has. There are alot of helpful people on here, and alot of people that you will be able to identify with. You've come here to improve your life, because it's worth doing. Your problems are serious, and they do matter to other people. Not everyone will have the answers for you, but that certainly doesn't mean that nobody cares. You have carried your pain for a long time. But it is scary how quickly 3 years will become 4 years and so on. Keep on looking, keep on opening up. You will find people you need and whether you see it or not, there are people who need you. Fail again and again, but don't give up
You’re very kind. It’s nice to just talk to people who are going through similar mental illnesses. I felt like I was alone. I tried looking online for other forums but never really found any I liked or none of them had people who actually responded and cared. There’s so many of us going through so much mentally that I wish I had the
 
DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
Sorry I pressed post by accident:
I wish I had the courage or a sound mental state to tell people it’s going to be okay and life is worth living and things like that but I just don’t have it in me. How do you do it? How do you give advice when you yourself are still not mentally well?
 
Spinach

Spinach

Active member
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
26
Location
Ohio
Hi, I've been in similar positions before. Unable to leave the house, thinking everybody is going to kill me, thinking i have demons inside of me, that i am going to die of a heart attack, etc. Late to work every day if I even show up. Sitting in the corner of my room waiting for somebody to break in and end my life, blablabla this is about you not me.

I think there's a certain hopelessness that we can get into where nobody who hasn't experienced it can understand, and even those who can probably do not either. It's terrifying and isolating and I'm sorry you have to go through this. But know that you're not the only one by any means.

This may be my personal bias but substances have had an absolute net negative effect on my day to day life and I've been much happier since being (usually) sober. I tried a LOT of drugs to calm myself down and all of them have sent me deeper into my own delusions. What has helped me out my hole was primarily stuff like:

Social interactions (online or in real life)
Learning/Reading about things (audiobooks help when laying in bed sad and scared)
Picking up hobbies (I write music and used to draw a lot)
Trying to help others with their struggles
And just keeping occupied in general

Judging from your twitter meme profile I'd assume you're not much older than I am if even that. Things are pretty volatile in your head right now and don't make a lot of sense. You'll have little premonitions from time to time and things you thought were massive deals become nothing in an instant. Please if anything keep persevering and you will see how quickly things simplify themselves for you, that I can guarantee.

There's more I'd like to say but it isn't quite the time or place and I need to be getting to bed. If you ever need to just vent feel free dump walls of text into my inbox. I don't get annoyed by that type of thing. That used to be a big help during the more hopeless points in my life.

Anyways, Welcome to the forum :) Hopefully things get better for you
 
DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
Hi, I've been in similar positions before. Unable to leave the house, thinking everybody is going to kill me, thinking i have demons inside of me, that i am going to die of a heart attack, etc. Late to work every day if I even show up. Sitting in the corner of my room waiting for somebody to break in and end my life, blablabla this is about you not me.

I think there's a certain hopelessness that we can get into where nobody who hasn't experienced it can understand, and even those who can probably do not either. It's terrifying and isolating and I'm sorry you have to go through this. But know that you're not the only one by any means.

This may be my personal bias but substances have had an absolute net negative effect on my day to day life and I've been much happier since being (usually) sober. I tried a LOT of drugs to calm myself down and all of them have sent me deeper into my own delusions. What has helped me out my hole was primarily stuff like:

Social interactions (online or in real life)
Learning/Reading about things (audiobooks help when laying in bed sad and scared)
Picking up hobbies (I write music and used to draw a lot)
Trying to help others with their struggles
And just keeping occupied in general

Judging from your twitter meme profile I'd assume you're not much older than I am if even that. Things are pretty volatile in your head right now and don't make a lot of sense. You'll have little premonitions from time to time and things you thought were massive deals become nothing in an instant. Please if anything keep persevering and you will see how quickly things simplify themselves for you, that I can guarantee.

There's more I'd like to say but it isn't quite the time or place and I need to be getting to bed. If you ever need to just vent feel free dump walls of text into my inbox. I don't get annoyed by that type of thing. That used to be a big help during the more hopeless points in my life.

Anyways, Welcome to the forum :) Hopefully things get better for you
Thank you spinach for being so very kind. Things are very dark in my head right now. I’m just happy that everyone on this forum is so nice and yet going through so much. But we all managed to come on here and find each other which I think is important when we’re all so lonely right now. I tried to keep my mind preoccupied. I started drawing again I hadn’t drawn in so long I even made YouTube videos of my drawings and paintings. But there are days when I look at my desk and think it’s all for nothing the drawings they’re all for nothing. And some days I’m happy but still anxious but I can get up and draw something. Sorry I’m just rambling at this point but thank you.
 
M

MerDreamer

Active member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Chicago, IL
It took me a long time of doing life the wrong way before I even had the courage to post anything in a forum like this. Im still trying to make myself do it, and do it honestly. I dont know who I have been most of my life. It is hard to put yourself out there when you don't know who you are and its even harder to figure out who you are when you don't feel like you're worth the effort. Ive always forced myself through social situations and I rarely enjoy them. Just something I have to do. But I have regrets, so there must be something I need to change. I dont always feel worth it, and I give up alot. But then more regret. Giving up has always caused regret. I am envious of people who look forward to things all the time. I mostly look forward to getting through things. But I've lost a lot of time, and I don't want to keep doing that. You've mentioned some guilt you have, you definitely need to deal with that in some way or another. You can't always make things right, and unfortunately can't take them back, but you need to forgive yourself on some level. We all make mistakes. Ive also made some that I would never put in a forum like this either. Everyone has. There are alot of helpful people on here, and alot of people that you will be able to identify with. You've come here to improve your life, because it's worth doing. Your problems are serious, and they do matter to other people. Not everyone will have the answers for you, but that certainly doesn't mean that nobody cares. You have carried your pain for a long time. But it is scary how quickly 3 years will become 4 years and so on. Keep on looking, keep on opening up. You will find people you need and whether you see it or not, there are people who need you. Fail again and again, but don't give up
Ey Realyou
its true that we have all done our fair shares of evil and like spinach I have even once thought that there were demons inside of me. The important things (depressedangel) to remember are keep God first. He’ll remove your demons and cover your wrongs and teach you to forgive yourself. Repentance is key. After that well the rest just falls into place. I only speak this way here assuming you carry the same beliefs in God the Father because of your name and it’s indirect reference to the God of hosts. But yeah I’m almost finished repenting of the crappy stuff I did. So I know how badly it feels to be in bondage and alone. It’s deep dark ad no fun. I wish you all the best of luck.
Am33 keep striving for those wings! God is good.
 
N

Nelly77

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Illinois
Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks since April of this year and I’m trying to hold on and hang in there. But it’s been hard. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life really but I dealt with it in terrible ways like self-harming and I would lay in my bed for days not eat or sleep. But I managed it in my own terrible way and I was fine it wasn’t as severe as it is now especially my anxiety. I started smoking weed this year to help with my anxiety but I smoked too much and had a severe panic attack. Now my anxiety is super severe and I my fight or flight mode is out of wack. My heart is the problem it’s what I’m most worried about, the fear of having a stress induced panic attack. I can’t really walk around without my heart beating put of my chest and my family just tells me to snap put of it. I’ve been to the ER three times and each time they told me my heart was healthy that nothing was wrong with me it was just anxiety. Every time I went I felt like a fool but each time it felt like I was having a heart attack. I had a panic attack at a rite aid a few months ago and ever since then going to stores and outside even in a car has been difficult because I start to panic.Now I’m agoraphobic. I’m on medication but it’s going to take some time to work and I dunno my anxiety is causing me to not eat certain foods and my family is just so sick of me. I feel like an empty shell washed up on some forgotten beach where everything dies. I’m sorry to talk so morbidly. I’ve tried to pray I’ve tried to hang on but it’s so hard to do it by myself. Nobody cares about me not even my own family. I think they’d be better off without me. But I keep telling myself and my mind not to give up keep going but I’m nearing the edge of the cliff.
Ok. I’m not a doctor or medical professional OF ANY KIND and don’t know if advice like this is even allowed but, for me, it was a life saver that I had no idea about. One of the biggest issues with my anxiety is controlling my body’s response; heart beating rapidly, loudly, flushing, panic, erratic breathing, etc. My doctor prescribed beta blockers, which are apparently extremely safe and don’t react with other drugs, and it was literally like a life saver. When those feelings start, I take one. It stops my body’s hyperactive response and normalizes it, which allows me to control my thoughts and emotions better. It came to a head when I had to testify in court, which terrified me. I couldn’t have done it without the beta blockers. Same with giving any oral reports in my masters classes. I don’t know why these aren’t the first line of defense in every psychiatrists arsenal of medical interventions for people like us. It’s like a miracle and WAY more effective (and with less side effects and kickbacks) then a Xanax which I don’t like.
 
DepressedAngel

DepressedAngel

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Hogwarts
Ok. I’m not a doctor or medical professional OF ANY KIND and don’t know if advice like this is even allowed but, for me, it was a life saver that I had no idea about. One of the biggest issues with my anxiety is controlling my body’s response; heart beating rapidly, loudly, flushing, panic, erratic breathing, etc. My doctor prescribed beta blockers, which are apparently extremely safe and don’t react with other drugs, and it was literally like a life saver. When those feelings start, I take one. It stops my body’s hyperactive response and normalizes it, which allows me to control my thoughts and emotions better. It came to a head when I had to testify in court, which terrified me. I couldn’t have done it without the beta blockers. Same with giving any oral reports in my masters classes. I don’t know why these aren’t the first line of defense in every psychiatrists arsenal of medical interventions for people like us. It’s like a miracle and WAY more effective (and with less side effects and kickbacks) then a Xanax which I don’t like.
Yeah I asked my doctor and the ER doctor why can’t I just be prescribed beta blockers and they were like your heart is healthy uou just have tachycardia, you’re too young to be put on beta blockers.
 
N

Nelly77

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Illinois
I get it, however, I use them like once maybe twice per month. That’s it.. They’re kind’ve like a preventative measure when you anticipate a panic reaction. I have zero heart problems and actually very low blood pressure. Sucks they’re being like that cause OMG I wish you could try them and see how well they work. 😢
 
N

Nelly77

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Illinois
In fact, and, ok I know this is bad. How I ended up trying it was a friend of mine was in court/trial for a very contentious divorce and he struggled to express himself because of his panic reaction. He was a friend of a friend and when I met him and he heard I was having the exact same problem, he gave me one and said they were a life saver. I couldn’t believe the way they controlled my panic so I went straight to the dr and told her and she was like they’re way safer than a lot of other drugs and she happy prescribes like 30 taken just as needed.
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2020
Messages
405
Location
earth
Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks since April of this year and I’m trying to hold on and hang in there. But it’s been hard. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life really but I dealt with it in terrible ways like self-harming and I would lay in my bed for days not eat or sleep. But I managed it in my own terrible way and I was fine it wasn’t as severe as it is now especially my anxiety. I started smoking weed this year to help with my anxiety but I smoked too much and had a severe panic attack. Now my anxiety is super severe and I my fight or flight mode is out of wack. My heart is the problem it’s what I’m most worried about, the fear of having a stress induced panic attack. I can’t really walk around without my heart beating put of my chest and my family just tells me to snap put of it. I’ve been to the ER three times and each time they told me my heart was healthy that nothing was wrong with me it was just anxiety. Every time I went I felt like a fool but each time it felt like I was having a heart attack. I had a panic attack at a rite aid a few months ago and ever since then going to stores and outside even in a car has been difficult because I start to panic.Now I’m agoraphobic. I’m on medication but it’s going to take some time to work and I dunno my anxiety is causing me to not eat certain foods and my family is just so sick of me. I feel like an empty shell washed up on some forgotten beach where everything dies. I’m sorry to talk so morbidly. I’ve tried to pray I’ve tried to hang on but it’s so hard to do it by myself. Nobody cares about me not even my own family. I think they’d be better off without me. But I keep telling myself and my mind not to give up keep going but I’m nearing the edge of the cliff.
I’m here with ya. My anxiety is awful. I barely have gotten to a place where I’m able to just manage with it. Everyday I’m alive I just feel fear that I cannot escape. I feel bad that you’re dealing with bad anxiety and panic, but you’re not alone and are in good company here in the forum.
 
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