- Dec 28, 2020
Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks since April of this year and I’m trying to hold on and hang in there. But it’s been hard. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety all of my life really but I dealt with it in terrible ways like self-harming and I would lay in my bed for days not eat or sleep. But I managed it in my own terrible way and I was fine it wasn’t as severe as it is now especially my anxiety. I started smoking weed this year to help with my anxiety but I smoked too much and had a severe panic attack. Now my anxiety is super severe and I my fight or flight mode is out of wack. My heart is the problem it’s what I’m most worried about, the fear of having a stress induced panic attack. I can’t really walk around without my heart beating put of my chest and my family just tells me to snap put of it. I’ve been to the ER three times and each time they told me my heart was healthy that nothing was wrong with me it was just anxiety. Every time I went I felt like a fool but each time it felt like I was having a heart attack. I had a panic attack at a rite aid a few months ago and ever since then going to stores and outside even in a car has been difficult because I start to panic.Now I’m agoraphobic. I’m on medication but it’s going to take some time to work and I dunno my anxiety is causing me to not eat certain foods and my family is just so sick of me. I feel like an empty shell washed up on some forgotten beach where everything dies. I’m sorry to talk so morbidly. I’ve tried to pray I’ve tried to hang on but it’s so hard to do it by myself. Nobody cares about me not even my own family. I think they’d be better off without me. But I keep telling myself and my mind not to give up keep going but I’m nearing the edge of the cliff.
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