New, not sure where to post this. Possible social anxiety and Uncertainty

[Geebee76]

Hi
Uhm, so I didn't exactly know which forum to post this into at the moment, but I hope this is fine.
I believe I've been having the issues I'll describe since high school, being the "antisocial" AP student that focused heavily on studies and only had around 1 or 2 friends. Since starting college, I've been unable to push my mental health into the back of my mind and have begun having panic attacks at various points during the semester. The thing is, it never had to do with studies in particular. As I began to meet new people and form new bonds, I realized that I was completely unprepared to understand any form of relationship (not simply romantic). I constantly worried about inconveniencing others with making plans or starting conversations that I'd grow nauseous. I haven't spoken to my old roommate or my high school best friend in months because I'm scared I'd be bothering them or that they'd shut me out completely. I'd chant the mantra of "I'm sorry" to no one when one of these spells hit me. I began speaking to a counselor, but ended up feeling as if I was a bother to them as well, got some advice on how to cope, and tried it out. It was journaling, and it actually helped for my more venting moments. But at this point, I'm seriously worried. I'm scared because I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. For example, I can't even differentiate between how it feels to "Like" someone or to have a strong admiration for them. I don't know how to sort anything anymore, and my whole world just feels like it's crumbling. I wanted to try to return to the counselor next semester, but I'm scared nothing will change. That I'll always be uncertain of myself and what I do. The only way I've even convinced myself to post on here was because I was hoping that someone would know what it's like or have any form of advice.

Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this

 

[lyesander]

Definitely sounds like social anxiety. One thing I always remind myself of when I'm worried about burdening my therapist is that I am paying them to listen to me, this is their job, it's what they were trained to do, and that it isn't a burden to them- it's providing them with a living.

The willingness to see a counselor is definitely a great first step. Don't feel bad if you are unable to make any progress over the course of a few semesters either. Remember your mental energy is being taken up by school work, your social life, home life, etc. There's a lot going on in college, and maintaining your mental health is an ongoing process.

I would also look into avoidant personality disorder. Whether or not you actually have it isn't super important, but a lot of the symptoms overlap and you may be able to find helpful techniques that apply to both disorders.