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A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
Hey guys,
I’m a new member. I’ve joined this forum for some help and understanding.

My situation.

I’ve been with my partner for nearly a year now and I met him when I was backpacking across Australia. His family have welcomed me into their life and allowed me to live with them for 1 week at the start of my relationship with their son as I was in between jobs - I moved very quickly as didn’t want to burden the family with my presence.
Ive since moved onto a new job and live 3hours away from mypartner however as he still lives at home on some weekends I go back to visit (staying only 2 nights at most) and he then comes to visit me on the alternative weekends.
That has all been fine until a few months ago when the 21 year old sister has just suddenly out of nowhere started this hate campaign against me. I have not said or done anything to her as I’ve tried to keep out of the house when she’s about and obviously tried not interfere with the family dynamic at all however, she’s recently started slating me to the parents telling them that I’m only with her brother for her money, that I’m a dead beat backpacker and that my partner is only with me because I’m the first girl since his ex to have opened my legs to him. I’ve tried speaking to the sister and asking her what I have done to suddenly be getting this hatred and she cannot answer me (this is where I need help) I’ve also tried not going back to visit my partner for months on end to see whether my presence is what is causing this hatred but apparently I’m still the issue even when I’m not there.

Basically what I’m here for is some advice on understanding why this behaviour might be directed at me / because of me and if there is anyway that I can help reduce the situation so it’s at least civil.
Many thanks,
 
Z

ZechariahElijah

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2021
Messages
156
Location
United States
How does your partner feel about all this? Has he spoken to his sister and told her to back off from his relationship with you?
 
A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
He’s not happy about it at all and so it’s putting a wall of tension between us. He’s tried talking to her but everytime he says anything to her she just storms off and isn’t having any of it, I’ve even tried sitting down and asking her what I’ve done to upset her and how I can go about fixing it and she just walks off. Yet she’ll bitch to the parents especially her mum who then relays it to my partner who then tells me so we talk about it and try and find ways that makes both of us out the firing line of her vicious words.

my partner and I have discussed moving out however, due to our circumstances it’s just not feasible at the moment. His apartment is being built abs will be finished by September 2023 and so before September this year he needs to have saved 20k as the final deposit and as I work and live 3 hours from him and don’t visit every week we feel it’s not a great solution to the problem especially because we avoid the sister when I’m down anyway.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
Welcome here.
I'm wondering why this girl has so much sway with the parents?
Something is not right; as you realize obviously.
Is she more important than your friend in the family dynamic?
Best luck; we are glad you are here✌
 
A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
Thank you. 😊
It’s not just the parents she has swayed it’s her sister who lives in a different state, ‘her only friend’ and just anyone she comes across that she can ‘bitch’ about me to and who hasn’t or ever will meet me (like co workers for instance)

With the parents her dad is scared to stand up to her and tell her that the behaviour she is showing towards me and her brother isn’t acceptable because he’s tried doing it once or twice before and she just storms off showing how I’ve ruined the family and I’m taking her brother away from her. I can promise you I don’t and encourage him to try and take her out for lunch and stuff as I don’t want to see a family torn apart but she’s slowly but surely burning the bridges to ever having a relationship with him. Sad to witness!
I wouldn’t have said so at all, the parents have a good relationship with all 4 of their kids (well apart from her occasionally she to her outbursts) and if not spend more time trying to appease her and her behaviour than all the others.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
Thank you. 😊
It’s not just the parents she has swayed it’s her sister who lives in a different state, ‘her only friend’ and just anyone she comes across that she can ‘bitch’ about me to and who hasn’t or ever will meet me (like co workers for instance)

With the parents her dad is scared to stand up to her and tell her that the behaviour she is showing towards me and her brother isn’t acceptable because he’s tried doing it once or twice before and she just storms off showing how I’ve ruined the family and I’m taking her brother away from her. I can promise you I don’t and encourage him to try and take her out for lunch and stuff as I don’t want to see a family torn apart but she’s slowly but surely burning the bridges to ever having a relationship with him. Sad to witness!
I wouldn’t have said so at all, the parents have a good relationship with all 4 of their kids (well apart from her occasionally she to her outbursts) and if not spend more time trying to appease her and her behaviour than all the others.
I'm very sorry.
It is almost like she is jealous in a very unhealthy way.
I am sure someone will come along with better advice.
Myself, I'm not sure if I would want her in my family or to be in her family unit.
Those types can make a life a living hell. I happen to know someone just like that.
Very narcissicistic.
Only you can ponder and decide.
 
A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
All advice is advice none the less and all incredibly helpful and insightful into this living nightmare. No see, that’s what I’m scared of as it’s not even been a year and these issues are already arising however, I can really see a future with her brother but I’m not sure I can deal with this drama she causes. It’s a shame really because keeping the relationship going or ending it shouldn’t be a decision made on her behaviour which unfortunately is looking like it might be 😫
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
All advice is advice none the less and all incredibly helpful and insightful into this living nightmare. No see, that’s what I’m scared of as it’s not even been a year and these issues are already arising however, I can really see a future with her brother but I’m not sure I can deal with this drama she causes. It’s a shame really because keeping the relationship going or ending it shouldn’t be a decision made on her behaviour which unfortunately is looking like it might be 😫
I'm sorry to say that is how it looks to me.
Hopefully we are both wrong and in the end this girl has no impact on your lives.

I can see you both will have to cut her out of your lives. Can your friend do this is the question?
Will it mean cutting out his whole family? Can he live with this?
You must look at these things.
 
A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
I'm sorry to say that is how it looks to me.
Hopefully we are both wrong and in the end this girl has no impact on your lives.

I can see you both will have to cut her out of your lives. Can your friend do this is the question?
Will it mean cutting out his whole family? Can he live with this?
You must look at these things.
 
A

AMS

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Australia
Well even if she isn’t the deciding factor in our relationship she’ll still have had a huge impact on me. Like this whole situation has just taken it all out of me this weeks I’ve struggled.
I’m happy to cut her out straight and I’m sure her brother will cut her out too shortly if she carries on. I’ve had hoped it wouldn’t effect his relationship with his family but who knows 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d hope it wouldn’t but you never know whether they’d have been conditioned by her to hate me
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
Well even if she isn’t the deciding factor in our relationship she’ll still have had a huge impact on me. Like this whole situation has just taken it all out of me this weeks I’ve struggled.
I’m happy to cut her out straight and I’m sure her brother will cut her out too shortly if she carries on. I’ve had hoped it wouldn’t effect his relationship with his family but who knows 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d hope it wouldn’t but you never know whether they’d have been conditioned by her to hate me
C'est la vie, mon ami.
 
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