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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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C

Camus

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Netherlands
Hi guys!

I am a 32-year-old man that is looking for, and perhaps I can also give, some support and clarification. I had a slightly problematic upbringing (verbally abusive and emotionally distant stepfather) which gave rise to a number of mental health issues. Had numerous therapies throughout my life, some being more effective than others. Most of the times I have been evasive and while wanting help I also ran away from it. Eventually I got diagnosed with ADD.
My life took a turn when I had a severe panic attack, I was 26. I had a few panic attacks before, but never identified it as such. That experience caused me to have agoraphobia and it all went downhill from there. I got diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder with agoraphobia. Though not diagnosed I also have health anxiety and sometimes it's difficult to see if my obsessive thoughts are part of HA or perhaps OCD.
I haven't had an anxiety-free day in over six years, though it has been better at some points. It has shifted from being a panic disorder to mainly HA. Currently I am in very difficult place. For the past few months, though it started around three years ago, I have been obsessively focused on my heart. I torment myself throughout the day with images of me dying, especially when I am outside. I keep seeing my mother crying, etc. Sometimes I feel completely out of place, as if I am feeling my body fall while I am trying to hold on to it, and it makes my heart rate go through the roof (160bpm to 170bpm).
I am not overweight, eat pretty healthy, do not smoke (though did for many years), do not drink alcohol or caffeine. I do have sleep apnea (getting treatment). I haven't felt fit in a long time, never wake up feeling refreshed, have pain on multiple places on my body, chronic headache, and generally feel very fatigued throughout the day, but have difficulties sleeping. I always hear and feel my heartbeat and it keeps me up. I did some exams, including an echo of my heart, an EKG, a bicycle stress test, and blood tests, and they all came back fine. Just showed some benign arrhythmias.

Sorry for the long introduction!
 
J

Julie41

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Peterborough uk
Hi
Sounds like you are having a tough time - you will find a lot of people on here struggle - it is a great forum and will help you chatting to others
You don’t say whether you are on any medication at all or had Cbt
I too suffer from anxiety everyday and like you it can affect me daily from 30%- 80% not a day without it !!!
I do try meditation & body scans on YouTube which depending on my level of anxiety works ok & relaxes me
It’s good that your tests have come back normal - that must be a relief for you
Or do you still think you have problems because you are thinking about it a lot?
Do you get other physical symptoms apart from your heartbeat?
Hoping you get some relief very soon
 
S

SamuelF

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
15
Location
Bangladesh
Hi
Sounds like you are having a tough time - you will find a lot of people on here struggle - it is a great forum and will help you chatting to others
You don’t say whether you are on any medication at all or had Cbt
I too suffer from anxiety everyday and like you it can affect me daily from 30%- 80% not a day without it !!!
I do try meditation & body scans on YouTube which depending on my level of anxiety works ok & relaxes me
It’s good that your tests have come back normal - that must be a relief for you
Or do you still think you have problems because you are thinking about it a lot?
Do you get other physical symptoms apart from your heartbeat?
Hoping you get some relief very soon
I appreciate your reply here. The better thing is everything is normal and the report is normal as well.
 
C

Camus

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Netherlands
Hi
Sounds like you are having a tough time - you will find a lot of people on here struggle - it is a great forum and will help you chatting to others
You don’t say whether you are on any medication at all or had Cbt
I too suffer from anxiety everyday and like you it can affect me daily from 30%- 80% not a day without it !!!
I do try meditation & body scans on YouTube which depending on my level of anxiety works ok & relaxes me
It’s good that your tests have come back normal - that must be a relief for you
Or do you still think you have problems because you are thinking about it a lot?
Do you get other physical symptoms apart from your heartbeat?
Hoping you get some relief very soon
Thank you for your message!
I used antidepressants for two years after having been almost three years mostly indoors (this was after that severe panic attack when I was 26). I weaned off past summer, because it wasn’t really helping with my anxiety and I thought it made my fatigue worse. Now I am off it for six months and the anxiety is pretty bad.
One month ago I started with pregabilin, but I will stop it because I feel it is also making my fatigue worse.

I have done CBT almost six years ago. It helped me to understand how panic works, but it didn’t really work for me. In two weeks I will start a new CBT treatment at a different clinic. This time I also feel more serious in it.

It gave some relief, but not nearly enough. I still fear they have missed it due to how I feel. I get loads of symptoms: wobbly legs, crams in legs, lightheadedness, warm wave through body, cold chills in chest, and some more.

Thank you for your suggestions! I also try meditation. Most of the times it is calming, but sometimes (like now) it will make it worse how I feel, because I feel my heart to clearly.
 
U

Uno

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
76
Location
england
Hi camus and welcome. Hope things improve for you :)
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
5,610
Location
Norway
Hi Camus welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
J

Julie41

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Peterborough uk
Thank you for your message!
I used antidepressants for two years after having been almost three years mostly indoors (this was after that severe panic attack when I was 26). I weaned off past summer, because it wasn’t really helping with my anxiety and I thought it made my fatigue worse. Now I am off it for six months and the anxiety is pretty bad.
One month ago I started with pregabilin, but I will stop it because I feel it is also making my fatigue worse.

I have done CBT almost six years ago. It helped me to understand how panic works, but it didn’t really work for me. In two weeks I will start a new CBT treatment at a different clinic. This time I also feel more serious in it.

It gave some relief, but not nearly enough. I still fear they have missed it due to how I feel. I get loads of symptoms: wobbly legs, crams in legs, lightheadedness, warm wave through body, cold chills in chest, and some more.

Thank you for your suggestions! I also try meditation. Most of the times it is calming, but sometimes (like now) it will make it worse how I feel, because I feel my heart to clearly.
Hi
How are you feeling today ?
 
dovah1024

dovah1024

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Michigan, USA
Hi Camus! I'm a new member as well with some similar experiences.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for about 15 years (I'm 26 now) and still learning new things about myself. Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I also have a history of OCD (recovered, thankfully). I have been in and out of treatment since age 11 and have found CBT and mindfulness to be the most helpful for me. It has definitely been a long and winding road, though.

Let me know if you need support at any time, and welcome to the forum! :)
 
C

Camus

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Netherlands
Hi
How are you feeling today ?
Hi! I am doing ok, better than on other days, but still not well. Managed to sleep longer than usual, so that's a good thing. But I am weaning off pregabalin and I think that is making my anxiety worse. These past few weeks I almost constantly feel that there is a terrifying feeling waiting for me around the corner. When I manage to not think about that it's mostly fine, but when I focus too much on it it's overwelhming. I am considering starting with antidepressants again, because they did greatly help with these obsessive thoughts and in taking the edge off.
How are you today?
 
C

Camus

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Netherlands
Hi Camus! I'm a new member as well with some similar experiences.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for about 15 years (I'm 26 now) and still learning new things about myself. Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I also have a history of OCD (recovered, thankfully). I have been in and out of treatment since age 11 and have found CBT and mindfulness to be the most helpful for me. It has definitely been a long and winding road, though.

Let me know if you need support at any time, and welcome to the forum! :)
Hi Dovah!
Thank you for your kind words! While I have also been in this for quite some years, it still sometimes feels like I don't know much. It's easy to fall into old habits and quickly forget about the repercussions. My CBT will start next week and I try to incorporate mindfulness in my life as well, though not as frequent as I should probably.
 
J

Julie41

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
182
Location
Peterborough uk
Hi! I am doing ok, better than on other days, but still not well. Managed to sleep longer than usual, so that's a good thing. But I am weaning off pregabalin and I think that is making my anxiety worse. These past few weeks I almost constantly feel that there is a terrifying feeling waiting for me around the corner. When I manage to not think about that it's mostly fine, but when I focus too much on it it's overwelhming. I am considering starting with antidepressants again, because they did greatly help with these obsessive thoughts and in taking the edge off.
How are you today?
I’m not too bad - so glad you are feeling reasonably ok - that maybe the answer if anti depressants worked before - even if they take the edge off it will be helpful
I’m trying to keep it together everyday - some days are better than others
Hoping you get some better days
 
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