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matt42069

Active member
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Lithuania
Hello , um i dont know how to start so ill just get to the point .
From young age i had problems with making friends and communicating and i recently finished school in which i spend like 5 years without friends and without learning a thing due to my depression there . since i had this social problem i kinda started to isolating myself ive spent 3 of my last summers in home playing video games and watching youtube cause its the only way i feel comfortable and safe . ive spent so much time isolating myself and playing video games i think i kinda developed addiction to it . Others see me as kinda weirdo lazy gamer loner and they are probably right since its the only view i gave them . And since i spent so much time isolating myself i became terrified of going outside and communicating with people cause i always imagine seeing and meeting my old acquaintances and again being judged by them . And in the beginning of this summer im started having this emotional outbursts , when im starting to think that i spent all my youth doing nothing while others made friendships and even relationships , and due to that shame im starting having like these thoughts of just ending my life and spare the shame because i dont see a way where i get from this point being any happier cause ive just wasted all my best years for video games which now even dont bring me happiness as they used to . In fact nothing does , ive lost all my passion in the things i used to love . To be honest i dont actually believe in myself that im gonna recover from this cause its just been going for a long time and this shame and insecurities are just apart of me now , but i just hope maybe someone can relate to this and maybe they'll have strenght to move on which i dont .
 
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bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello Matt. Welcome to the forum. I think school can be really tough. If you are not the same as the other students then you will be made to feel like an outcast. You are still very young and things can change. It could just be you have not met the right kind of people yet. You sound like you are very depressed. I am very sorry you are having thoughts of ending your life. Do you think you could tell your doctor how you are feeling? You could benefit from an antidepressant.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,151
Location
Nashua NH
Hello Matt just dropping in to say welcome to the forums! :grouphug:
 
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