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Keenbaker08

Keenbaker08

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Jul 16, 2019
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5
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Hampshire
Hello. I'm new. I joined just to really talk to someone. I dont really know how to talk to my husband or family. I always try but then just dont.

I feel like I'm suffering with anxiety and depression. I have felt this way for about 2 years now and I seem to be getting worse.

It started off with me just feeling down about things but has increasingly lasted longer and longer. Now I go months with feeling so miserable that I dont feel like I will ever feel ok again. Trouble is. 1 day I can feel ok but the next I just cant cope. I finally managed to get the courage to talk to a doctor but they just brushed it off and said it's all down to my weight!! I do have weight problems and it does effect me massively but all that the doctor recommended was to loose weight!!

I have had four major breakdowns. Where I literally cant hold myself together and uncontrollably cry and feel like I cant breath. 3 have been at work and 1 at home.

At the moment I'm literally forcing myself to go to work every day. I recently changed job roles but now feel like I have made a huge mistake as i get so anxious knowing i have to go to work to do this role. Its phone based work and i get so worked up about having to be on the phones all day. I constantly trying to think of excuses to why i cant go to work but i then get anxious about missing a day of work.

Me and my husband have been together 12 years. Married for 3 years. We have been trying to conceive for 5 and a half years. I am overweight. I have polycystic ovaries and I have underactive thyroid.

I feel like so stupid sometime for feeling the way I do but I just cant help it!.
I always think that there are people in situations so much worse than mine and that I'm being selfish but I just cant seem to make myself feel better.

My husband know I struggle but doenst know how badly as I just cant seem to talk about it. Everytime someone asked me if I'm ok I just smile and say yes. Wishing in the back of my head I would just say something.
I want to go back to the doctor but I just dont know what I'm suppose to say.
I feel like I can never really explain how I'm really feeling when I have been to a doctor and just end up crying.

Sorry for the long post but I just needed to write it down.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Tigger and Willow's house
you are not stupid for feeling the way you do :hug:

could you take your post along to the doctor and show him/her what you wrote? :hug:

Welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
Keenbaker08

Keenbaker08

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Hampshire
I'm thinking of maybe getting a diary and writing down how I feel every day and why and then maybe bringing it along to my doctor.

Just need to get the courage to book an appointment. Just annoying as wait time for an appointment is about 2-3 weeks so by the time it comes around I feel different to when I booked it. If that makes sense.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Messages
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Location
Tigger and Willow's house
I'm thinking of maybe getting a diary and writing down how I feel every day and why and then maybe bringing it along to my doctor.

Just need to get the courage to book an appointment. Just annoying as wait time for an appointment is about 2-3 weeks so by the time it comes around I feel different to when I booked it. If that makes sense.
a diary is a good idea and keep it up to date until the appointment :hug:
 
P

Pink1234

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Jul 8, 2019
Messages
148
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UK
:welcome:

What you write about feeling better by the time you get to the Doctor rings a bell with me. Sometimes I think that’s down to the fact that the relief of getting to talk to someone who is in a position to offer help is enough make an improvement. I think bringing a diary along is a good idea.
 
Keenbaker08

Keenbaker08

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Hampshire
It's hard because when I finally get to a doctor I'm not feeling how I was when I booked the appointment and so it so difficult to explain how I was. Then I make up an excuse to why I booked the appointment. That's when i really feel like I'm must be making it up. But then give it a few weeks and i feel bad again.

I have a very close family network but the other day my aunt just casually said to me. "Your mum loves that you never have any issues. Never complain about anything" and I just felt like saying well that's because they dont know how my life is actually going. My mum and sisters have so much more to worry about and I dont want to just be another problem they have to deal with. But when my aunt said that to me I just felt completely alone.
 
F

Fancyharm

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Sep 7, 2018
Messages
323
Location
West Midlands
Hi keenbaker. Firstly well done for joining and getting your thoughts written down.

Secondly, I understand you and I can sympathise. You are not being silly at all, depression and anxiety make you feel like that. I am struggling at the moment with wearing a temporary artificial eye. I have had two operations on my eye this year, the first went wrong, hopefully this time it has worked and I still don't think you are being silly.

I have beaten agoraphobia from 28 years ago. I lost my eye at 14 and the agoraphobia started at 19. I am currently in a loveless relationship, I don't have any family that I can turn to at anytime and I have just worked hard for three months to be told on Monday they are not happy with me and they wouldn't give me a reason. The directors wife was leaving and I was going to replace her, but she covers up the directors shit so I think the director has decided to keep her. She wants to leave as she gets treated like shit.

All of that is going on with me and I still don't find you silly.

I have used positive affirmations which have helped. I know how Bloody hard and trapped it can feel fighting anxiety at work and I thoroughly sympathise.
 
Keenbaker08

Keenbaker08

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Hampshire
Wow. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much!.
I really appreciate what you have said. And thank you for sharing you story with me. I cant imagine what you have been through but you are so strong to be able to beat it every day. ♡ xx
 
F

Fancyharm

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Messages
323
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West Midlands
Thanks keenbaker. I wanted to get across to you that you are by no means silly. Some people may say to you, oh there are people worse off, yes and I could be classed as one of those people who is worse off. But I am telling you that having suffered from depression and anxiety, I, that possible someone worse off would never deem anyone suffering from depression and anxiety as silly. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me. You can beat it, it can be done, but sometimes a step back is needed, and to take the pressure off. Lots of love to you xxxxxx
 
J

Jules5

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Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,059
Location
Florida
Hi So sorry you are feeling this way. I know you said you broke down three times at work you must really have a support system there. A lot times people do not understand depression and anxiety I use to be one of them years ago. My how I have changed now I can actually listen to someone and listen some more as it never bores me since I suffer my self.

I like what Fancyharm stated about severe depression and yet he is or she is putting out their hand to you for comfort. I love this sight so many caring people that we need so dearly. You hang in their. Do not worry about your weight some of my best friends our over weight and I never see them like that. I feel worst for the anerexic one
 
F

Fancyharm

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Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
323
Location
West Midlands
Thanks Jules5. You are right about this site, thete is a lot of support on here. It's helped me so much and still continues to do so. Thank you for caring and offering your support.
 
Keenbaker08

Keenbaker08

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Hampshire
So yesterday I made the decision that I feel was the right choice for me at work. I spoke with my manager and the big big manager. And I stepped down as deputy manager and have requested to move teams as my anxiety for making phone calls is getting to much to handle. They were amazing and stated they could see how unhappy I was. And already I feel relieved.
It's a drop in my pay but I think it's a decision that was needed to be made.

This is just a small part of my problems but I feel that I will maybe be able to deal with everything else a little bettrr now. (I hope) it has taken me so so long to get the courage up to talk to my manager about this as I was so worried that I would be fired. (Thankfully I wasnt).

I feel that just speaking about you all on here gave me the confidence I needed to do this. I still have a long way to go but I know I have a great support network here ♡
 
F

Fancyharm

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Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
323
Location
West Midlands
Hi Keenbaker.

Well done. You are on the mend. The mind is self healing and you are feeling the effects of that for dealing with the problem.

I always have found in 33 years of being and in conquering agoraphobia thst a step back is my biggest weapon.

Next I would educate yourself with self help books, I did, it worked. Once you realise how anxiety works you will be able to use replacement tools and feel yourself again.

I also use positive affirmations and they are a great tool to use to replace your thoughts.

It can be beaten, you just need the tools to do it.

I'm here if you need support.

Very well done to you xxxxxx
 

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