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New member - murder by harassment/stalking/NHS neglect?

B

Barely here

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Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
33
Please can anyone help me?

Since mid-2005, I have been stalked and harassed; £thousands’ worth of damage to my property. For nearly 2 years the offending was anonymous. I became more and more terrified.


Saw GP in November 2006 to ask for counselling. Extremely stressed by the ongoing harassment/criminal damage. GP referred me to Community Mental Health Team which declined support/treatment.


Since then GP told me that I’d experienced ‘what used to be called a breakdown’. He prescribed medication that had a very adverse effect, which was frightening.


With harassment continuing unabated AFTER offender’s conviction, I was referred a further 4-5 times to CMHT. Each time refused treatment. They said that they wouldn't be able to 'play with my mind' as what I was experiencing was real/external and I was 'reacting normally to abnormal events'.

Simultaneously, the stalking and intimidation went undeterred by the police. I was shouted at and intimidated by the police to stop reporting the crimes/stalking. This in itself was terrifying. I became completely agoraphobic as I was so frightened of the harasser and the police resistance to doing anything about the continuing offending.


My GP told me that it wouldn't be worth getting a private diagnosis of PTSD because 'the Primary Care Trust wouldn't pay for treatment'. In addition I am severely depressed.

With my emotional health deteriorating even more, I kept asking for MH and other support. I was assessed in October 2007 as a ‘vulnerable adult’. Social Services initiated a ‘care package’ comprising workers who were to come in every day and help me about my daily business.



In fact, I was harangued by some of the workers (28-30 different women in as many days), household items were broken and left for me to mend/replace, some workers stole from me.


My son, who is severely afflicted by ADHD/borderline AS, had moved in during November 2007. I have always been ‘his rock’ and he needed me to be healthy/strong to provide his stability. When I could no longer be ‘his rock’ he was often very abusive to me, despite wanting to do what he could to support.


We both suffered extremely from ongoing stalking and criminal damage that the police couldn’t stop. Both of us suffered nightmares and were hypervigilant about the next onslaught from the offender. My son was also being monitored and stalked by the harasser (as were the care workers in January/February 2008). I was completely agoraphobic by this time.


Throughout all this, it is possible to trace themes: no one listened when I asked for help/support/treatment. Everyone seemed to make their own summary/snap judgements according to what fitted ‘limited resources’, their tip of the iceberg knowledge of the facts, and even their prejudices.


Since June 2008 I have had new care workers. Sometimes I have been their supporter/comforter as they wept about my problems and the hopelessness - and their own problems. They didn’t know how to support me apart from talking. The ladies are very kind but they are not qualified in this way.


The original terror of stalking/harassment has been greatly added to by police inability to deal with the harassment conclusively, by NHS inability to offer more than drugs which had very worrying effects, by a continuous stream of abuse from all and sundry as I’ve become increasingly undermined and vulnerable. People have taken my vulnerability as liberty to make up their own stories as they went along and further abuse me. I am very frightened of everyone now as a direct result – and thoroughly terrorised in what used to be my lovely home but which is now my prison. My life is not life anymore but bare existence: I sit in a chair in kitchen 24/7 (I sleep in here) trying to hide from everyone and trying to quell the dreadful feelings of terror that are with me more or less all the time..


I’ve had an almighty, chronic battle trying and failing to get any effective help/support/treatment. I've made complaints through the proper channels (e.g. NHS complaints process) but all I've had back is runarounds, fob-offs and even downright lies (which can be evidenced as such) in reply. Even my MP doesn't seem to be able to help in any effective way.


I believe most normal, caring people would understand my feeling that ‘no one cares’, ‘no one’s listening’, and my urgent need to escape from this Kafkaesque nightmare.

I have asked EVERY agency and organisation I can for help and support: no one wants to take responsibility for giving me the help I need or I keep getting referred back to NHS which refuses to offer me treatment (well, they are careful not to say they are refusing treatment, but after more than two years of runarounds and lies and fob-offs this can be the only way to look at their attitudes).

My son has left because he can't stand the effects of the harassment. He is not supportive. I am on my own with this and it is killing me. I don't want to die, but it really looks like this is the only way out of this sheer nightmare.

Before all this I was a fully functioning and very successful human being. Now I am not really a human being anymore.

Unequivocally, the local NHS is driving me to end my life (aided and abetted by the harasser and the police). Is this the real agenda behind all the NHS's fine words and spin? Social Darwinism? Get rid of the weakest members of society via a process of chronic neglect so that it cuts down costs?

What can I do to get the help and support that I need? Please don't tell me to contact yet another organisation, I've probably been in touch with them already. If you can't help then I beg you just to say so.

BTW - when I call the Samaritans they are usually kind listeners but a) volunteers are absolutely gobsmacked by what I've encountered from public services, b) at a loss and we go round in circles and c) just offer to stay on the line whilst I kill myself (this is their actual policy on suicide - they will not intervene or try and save someone. I find that so unhelpful.) Plus, each time you call you have to regurgitate the whole story again and again - I spend all my waking hours desperately trying to avoid thinking about the awful harassment and the abuse I've had from the NHS and the police.

Does anyone have ANY practical ideas on how to get the help I need?

BH
 
emski

emski

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Location
North West
Hi Barely here,

Thank for sharing your story with us and a warm welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have been living through hell these past few years, and you have tried every available avenue to get help and support. I really don't know what to suggest - like you say you have exhausted the options. I find it disgusting that you haven't been offered any counselling to help deal with the stresses you have been facing.

All I can say is that I have had some of my best therapy by posting on this forum and talking to the other people here. Just to write your thoughts and feelings down here is therapeutic, and there are so many friendly and empathetic people here who will try and offer you ideas, support and compassion. There is a real sense of community here and we all have things in common that brought us to the site.

I have one question. Have the police and social work not sorted out anything in terms of you moving location in order to escape this stalker? This to me seems like the most obvious thing they could do to help you

Please keep posting, others will be along soon with more advice I'm sure :grouphug:
 
Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

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Nov 15, 2008
Messages
70
Location
Buckinghamshire, UK
Hi Barely here and :welcome: to the forum,

What you have had to go through just sounds completely devastating and overwhelming. I am sorry that as of yet you don't feel like anyone has been able to help. You asked for honesty so thats what I 'll give:

I don't really know of any other organisations that could be of help with regards to the criminal side of things?

Have you tried another GP? tell them again how bad you are feeling? have you anyother family members that could help? or a friend to support and even go with you to GP?

Really sorry if thats not much help, all I can say is that this is a great forum and people here will support you. Its absolutely fine if you want to post on here and express exactly how your feeling If that helps!

Take Care

Angel:hug::hug:
 
B

Barely here

Active member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
33
Thank you so much emski and Fallen Angel for your kind replies and warm welcomes - you're normal kind human beings! (not many of them about in public services...)

You're spot on - this has all been devastating and overwhleming to the point where I literally cannot move from my chair now. I am utterly terrified by people's callousness and refusals to actually DO anything practical to help.

If I were clinically paranoid I certainly would be thinking that there's a conspiracy to destroy me! I'm not paranoid though - I see all this as, at best, sheer incompetence and irresponsibility and at worst complete heartlessness (as well as support for criminal behaviour).

The gvt withdrew funding from the only support organisation for victims of harassment and stalking this last spring (despite the fact that Home Office figures show a steep rise in such crime).

Have changed GP. Have seen her once - 8 months ago when she said she'd get right onto it and get me counselling and have been to her with a family member for support. GP seems to have got the same sort of runaround from PCT as me. GP knows how bad I am feeling via my social worker. I think they just do not care. (I mean seriously).

Police don't give a damn - they can bearly admit that this is harassment (even though senior officers do, they are covering up their mistakes and negligence. Sounds an extreme thing to say but I do have some tangible evidence of this). So they wouldn't get involved in supporting in any way.

Social workers? Well, they seem to have a menu of services they can commission. They don't actually DO anything. The whole plan behind the assessment I had was to move house and that the care workers would help me to do that. As it turns out I was given an absolutely dire experience of uncaring workers (most of whom could hardly write or speak English). Not much good when it comes to anything to do with buying and selling a fridge let alone houses!

Moving house is certainly the most obvious thing to do. When I last asked an estate agent to take my house on he said that he wouldn't even come and look because he wouldn't be able to sell it (because there's a harasser nearby).

My family? Well, they're not really supportive. Some are very ill themselves, others like my son have learning difficulties (I was the chiefsupporter for everyone).

You know, it really does feel like I've been left to rot. I started self-harming yesterday. I'd never done this sort of thing ever before in my life. I guess the best thing really is to die. I really cannot live here and no one is listening - still less are they doing anything practical to help or care.

I expect I'll become another statistic and everyone will just move on and forget about me.

Please don't suggest that I call NHS Direct. I've been down that route 3 times last year when I was suicidal. I know the drill. NHS Direct people are great, really kind. But they send an ambulance which takes you to A&E. You wait hours to see triage nurse, then a doctor, then the duty psych.

Duty psych and you have a nice little chat. They are really ticked off that their CMHT colleagues have refused support and tell you to complain and that they'll try and get you seen by CMHT - and then they send you home to wait for help that never comes. And so it goes on. It really is this bad (no, actually, it's far worse.)

I'm sorry - I really have tried EVERYTHING I can think of. I just don't see any way out.
 
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emski

emski

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Joined
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Messages
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North West
Please don't harm yourself BH, you have to hang in there for your son. I know you are getting no support and you feel there is absolutely no way out, but someone will be along soon who has a suggestion, I'm sure of it.

Have you thought of going to the media to expose the negligence and incompetence you have experienced from the NHS, police and social services?

:hug:
 
B

Barely here

Active member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
33
Thanks Emski - I appreciate your understanding. Why is it that normal, kind people understand the issues and problems (like my care workers who collapse in floods of tears at the devastation) but public services people just don't?

I have a support worker from Carr Gomm for two hrs a week. In that short time she has been more help than everyone put together . But even so, she is up against steel walls of NHS etc. She said to me last week that 'None of us can understand why the NHS and police have been so negligent, we can't understand why they've treated you so badly...' (I think she meant social services as well).

I really do feel that they are driving me to self harm and suicide almost deliberately. You wouldn't believe the blatant distortions and lies the NHS people have told me - or maybe you would!

Media? Well, I've sent all the details about police corruption/negligence to the Guardian journalist who was commissioned to write a piece on stalking a few months ago (my story was too complex for 400words). Also an online friend is a journalist and she put all the details on the 'press wire' for other journos to pick up - no one did. From my online research I have found that NHS and police negligence is widespread...this treatment of victims of crime and resulting illness seem to be common, and not all that newsworthy. If you can think of any other ways I can get the media interested then I'd be grateful to hear them...

My son? Well, he's 28yo and bright but with the emotional development of about a 12yo. He is very impulsive and always needs immediate results otherwise he loses interest really quickly. Now he's happy because he's found himself another family to look after him. So I'm not important anymore. (No, really I'm not - this man is borderline AS, he doesn't understand that other people have feelings that are different from his. He is happy so for him it follows that I should be happy).

I am up for any and all suggestions though....
 
emski

emski

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Maybe the story might be to complex for a short newspaper article. But you could try contacting TV stations, ask if they have any plans to do exposees on negligence in public services, firstly because of the police's obvious neglect to first and foremost protect you, social services incompetence in assisting you to move, and the NHS' utterly appalling neglect in terms of your mental wellbeing. The big TV stations seem to be covering a lot on mental health at the moment so you never know, it's worth a shot since you've tried everything else I can think of.

:hug:
 
B

Barely here

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That idea Emski - here's the email I've sent to some TV companies. Still got more to go.


Dear Commissioners



I am the victim of harassment/stalking, police negligence/corruption and similar negligence from the NHS (which refuses to formally acknowledge the PTSD and mental health problems that 3 years' worth of unstopped harassment/stalking has engendered).

I am wondering how your company is covering:

- the rise in harassment/stalking (see Home Office statistics)

- police inability or refusals to deal with this crime, despite having all the powers and statutes with which to counter it

- NHS gross negligence in supporting victims of crime (amongst other negligences)


Yours sincerely

BH

FYI, my recent complaint to the Independent Police Complaints Commission is online at

PART ONE


PART TWO


http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=dfs7vbfx_95f6jgbrcx&hl=en APPENDICES
 
B

Barely here

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Tch - meant to say THANKS for that idea, Emski!
 
Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

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Hi Bh,

I agree with emski about th T.V media, there is alot being covered at the mo. Do you think there is anyone else within the council / local authority that might help? Please try hard not to hurt yourself, but what ever happens be as safe as you can and look after any wounds you have:(

:hug:

Angel;)
 
Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

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Buckinghamshire, UK
Bh,

You may want to check out the "Rethink" website, they have an advice line and may be able to support you from a different angle aslo what about citizens advice? you are entitiled to a proper and adequate level of care for your mental health. I know it doesn't solve your housing and harrasment problem but you may get the support you need for your own wellbeing!:)

:hug:
 
B

Barely here

Active member
Joined
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Messages
33
Thanks to you too FA.

I've been occupied sending the programme email to tv companies. But I also just had a look around the RETHINK site.

They have an office in my town so I'll email them. However, the local PCT and CMHT are dire as regards providing MH services generally which means that every voluntary and third sector organisation here is completely stretched to breaking (have been in touch with MIND - bad experience - even the advocacy manager told me that she's clinically depressed....). Also, I present as 'intelligent, articulate, logical etc' so I get far less attention I think.


Re local council - no, nothing else is available apart from Adult and Community Care. The Anti Social Behaviour Unit was useless too (they referred me back to police...). Local Victim Support told me that they couldn't support past offender's conviction and that local police nasty behaviour towards victims of crime is 'quite common' and it's called 'secondary victimisation'.

Citizen's Advice told me to sue the police for negligence - which is fine if I had the money, could get to a solicitor (am completely agoraphobic) and had the emotional strength. They also told me that the NHS has no legal duty to treat MH patients! (MIND also told me that).

So, apparently we are entitled to NHS treatment according to all the NHS websites but in practice, when push comes to shove legally they don't have to treat you?


But thank you for prompting me to trawl through what I've done to try and get treatment and for suggesting other routes. I still think - based on all my experience - that our public services just do not care. Even my MP can't get them to do anything and she;s a health minister!

Now off to hunt down another bottle from the cupboard under the stairs. I'm not a drinker/never had any substance abuse problems but now the pain and the fear are so great that I'll shove anything down my throat to blot out the agony of all the abuse and neglect. It also seems to stop me from slicing myself too.

Thanks again for being there....
BH
 
emski

emski

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Also, I present as 'intelligent, articulate, logical etc' so I get far less attention I think.
A lot of us here on the forum present like this and therefore don't get the help off the NHS we need. It is the intelligent, articulate and logical among us that suffer most from mental health issues in my opinion, because we feel we should be able to cope or rationalise undesirable feelings etc and are worse affected when not able to do this. The service then fails us then because they patronise the stereotypes of psychiatric illness which they claim to be trying to dispell

I think you're doing really well, considering, I mean, to get the email of to the tv stations and rethink already - brilliant job.

I hope you get a positive response and some well deserved help and support. I think rethink are meant to be good - I hope they come up trumps for you.

Keep posting, take care of yourself and try not to drink to much if you can help it (I know it is incredibly hard with what you're going through)

:hug:
 
B

Barely here

Active member
Joined
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Messages
33
A lot of us here on the forum present like this and therefore don't get the help off the NHS we need. It is the intelligent, articulate and logical among us that suffer most from mental health issues in my opinion, because we feel we should be able to cope or rationalise undesirable feelings etc and are worse affected when not able to do this. The service then fails us then because they patronise the stereotypes of psychiatric illness which they claim to be trying to dispell
BINGO!!! You totally understand! I think it was the 4th time CMHT refused me support/treatment that the little MH team squirt said 'We wouldn't be able to play with your mind...'

I immediately felt like suing him or thumping his patronising face for all the poor people who have to be 'treated' by such a smug *&^*(%&.

They don't seem to be able to deal with people who can read all the academic papers like them!

It's very distressing though - I thought for a long while that I had lost all my communications skills because they just weren't listening to my plain words. Maybe MH patients are where racism has gone? We human beings do seem to crave 'outgroups' to target and discriminate against.

I can rationalise til the cows come home and quote all the research in buckets. But it doesn't mean to say that I can sort my broken emotional bits out. I keep using the analogy of 'I have a broken leg - I can read all the research there is on complex fractures of the tibia - I can draw you pretty pictures of it - write 3k word essays on treatment plans - but I still wouldn't be able to fix it myself...'


I think you're doing really well, considering, I mean, to get the email of to the tv stations and rethink already - brilliant job.

I hope you get a positive response and some well deserved help and support. I think rethink are meant to be good - I hope they come up trumps for you.

Keep posting, take care of yourself and try not to drink to much if you can help it (I know it is incredibly hard with what you're going through)

:hug:


To be honest, I think the steady consumption of alcohol gave me the courage (suppressed the usually continuous fear I live with?) to zap off some emails! I'll keep you posted on what comes of them and whether anything makes it to the screen :popcorn:

I have to say thank you again - my heart filled with warmth when I read your understanding and supportive words.
 
Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

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Buckinghamshire, UK
Hi again Bh,

Emski is right, you are doing really well, I can relate to the fact that many people get overlooked simply because we are intelligent and articulate, I remeber being in A&E once for self harm and the doctor said to me "you seem like a bright girl, your not going to do this again are you?" at that point I just could'nt be bothered to even respond, he had know idea!!

Go steady on the booze, but I'm not one to talk as I'm having a few myself tonight, been a bad week! It's great you been posting, hope it's helping, I know it helps me! Keep going, we need people like you Bh to set people straight, here to help any way I can!

Take Care,

Angel:hug:
 
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