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New member - Harm OCD/false memory/anxiety

G

GeorgeEgroeg

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2021
Messages
1
Location
UK
Hey everyone,

I wanted to reach out on here and ask what fellow sufferers/advisers might think about my particular situation. I have lived with OCD for around 9/10 years now and have gone through a number of different topics of obsession, worry and fear. I am regularly seeing a therapist and I take sertraline medication 100mg. My current obsession and worry is around harm OCD, false memories with regards to a new relationship that I am in.

I have been seeing a lady for around 1 month now and things are going well. We have a really good time together and its early days. However my anxiety and OCD seems to be standing in the way and I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of worry, fear and guilt around some intrusive thoughts/false memories. She has stayed at my house a couple of times and when we have been falling asleep together I have been struggling with thoughts that I could touch her sexually whilst she is asleep. I then freak out the next morning and worry that I have touched her and therefore committed sexual assault. She has never said anything and all has been good in the relationship, but I'm driving myself round the bend with this! I know not to do compulsions and I'm trying my best not to check, go over my memory or ask for any reassurance but it gets hard at times. I sometimes catch myself trying to check and then I find if I do leave this obsession alone, it comes back and feels real, like I've actually done something bad and time has sewn in a false memory.

I also get these pangs of anxiety when she says things like 'be honest with me about stuff' because I feel like I'm lying to her or by not saying anything about this that I'm being dishonest. I don't want to say anything about this because its uncomfortable and its very early in knowing her, even though we have been seeing each other a lot. At the same time my thoughts concern her as the subject and fears that I have harmed her in some way and so I feel like I'm being pushed to say something. I then start to stress and worry that i have to confess that I touched her inappropriately etc and I get all worried again.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice over this? We're not boyfriend and girlfriend or anything and its very early days, do I have to say something about this? Am I lying if I don't or am I being dishonest? Its a lot to handle and I just want to be a good guy and have nice times with this lady. If you have any words of wisdom on the obsessions or on the thing about talking about this, could you let me know?

Thanks so much!
 
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