New Job. TERRIFIED.

[Fightingmyfears]

I'm starting a new job. The boss is aware of my anxiety and is absolutely amazingly understanding!! She really gets it. She's jumped through hoops to make the 'settling in' period as smooth as possible.
So I know I CANNOT let her down. This does add more to my anxiety!!
A lot of my anxiety comes from my need to people please, fear of failure and judgement and my absolute terror around driving, changes, uncertainty and the dreaded unknown. I have a lot of negative, fortune telling and catastrophing thoughts.
Anyway, the new job!! It's a huge amount of lone working and responsibility! My boss has been so supportive and given me an extended initial supervision period where I can observe others doing my role.
My last supervised shift is tomorrow, then I HAVE to go it alone. I'm terrified.
I've been taking 50mg sertraline per day for almost 2 months now and I've really felt the difference the past few weeks. I was feeling so good about facing my first few solo shifts and getting them out of the way... But now it's so close I'm struggling with keeping my anxiety manageable.
My thoughts keep wandering to the worst case scenario and I feel myself getting into a panic attack again, I've been able to talk myself down before getting completely down the rabbit hole so far.
I know that I need to face it and once I do it will slowly get easier until I've desensitised it to 'comfortable and routine'.
I'm just battling myself as it feels so impossible right now.
I can't pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid of!! I have avoided changes and uncertainty for so long that my brain is convinced anything different or uncertain is fatally dangerous!
Any tips to help make my first solo shift survivable!! And particularly the lead up, I know I will have a few panic attack in the lead up and I'm afraid of getting to the point where I just end up flaking out as usual and avoiding the whole thing. I have mouths to feed and bills to pay!

 

[Zoe1]

sounds like you are ready for the challenge Fighting

I'm sure you will do a great job !

 

[Fightingmyfears]

I am ready, I have to be.... But I'm terrified! It's going to be a hard few months.

 

[jajingna]

Good luck with it.

 

[celticlass]

It is understandable to be anxious in a new job. So you have not really been on medication for very long? Have I understood that properly? My daughter has experienced a lot of anxiety since the birth of her second child 4.5 years ago. She takes sertraline for it also. She was very reluctant to take anything at first but eventually could see she needed to do something. Now she is on a good bit higher dose she is much more relaxed.

 

[Fightingmyfears]

It is understandable to be anxious in a new job. So you have not really been on medication for very long? Have I understood that properly? My daughter has experienced a lot of anxiety since the birth of her second child 4.5 years ago. She takes sertraline for it also. She was very reluctant to take anything at first but eventually could see she needed to do something. Now she is on a good bit higher dose she is much more relaxed.

Almost 2 months ago, I started them. I have been feeling a difference the past few weeks. Obviously this is a panic inducing situation so I don't expect the medication to be a miracle. I am a lot less anxious than I would have been pre medication, I would have flaked out by now.
But it's a battle. I'm just getting ready to leave and I feel sick to my stomach and shaky. I'm supervised today, but I know it's my last time so I'm already thinking forward to my solo shift.

 

[Fightingmyfears]

So my last supervised shift went well. I came home and really struggled with focus and concentration. My partner will be talking to me and I just wouldn't hear a word because my mind is full of worry I'm struggling to get out of my head and focus on the present.
I'm back to the feeling of impending doom of no reason. I don't want to feel like this anymore I know I HAVE to face it and get on with it, I can't keep living in my head in terror about it 24/7.
Anyone have any tips that pull them out of their head and allow them to be present in the now instead of just being in fear of an upcoming event (I.e my first solo day?). I know its normal to be worried about a first day.... But it's unbearable right now

 

[OmniscientNihilist]

A lot of my anxiety comes from my need to people please, fear of failure and judgement

anxiety comes from that, but where does that come from?