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Pixie85

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Jun 22, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
Hi, I've just joined.
I'm having a really tough time right now.
Undiagnosed depression and PTSD.
I was sexually abused by my 2 brothers when I was younger ( I don't know the ages it started/stopped)
Indecently assaulted by my grandad and a sexual assault from an ex boyfriend.
I feel like I'm stuck, I want the help...I have even filled in the self referral forms for counselling/made GP appts but I just couldn't follow through.
I once opened up to a "friend" about the abuse and she completely broke my trust by telling 2 other people.and confronting one of my brothers - he obviously called me a liar.
I spoke to a counsellor via a messaging system but as soon as she found out I was wanting to speak about trauma, she was very reluctant to go ahead with talking to me unless we did it in person, so I stopped. I did 4 sessions and it sent me on a downward spiral.
 
calypso

calypso

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:welcome: to the forum. I am so sorry you had so much to go through. It sounds horrendous. Why are you having trouble following through on therapy offered to you? What stops you? I think that you need to see your GP again about the depression and write down on a piece of paper that you have been sexually assaulted numerous times but have major problems talking about it to anyone. Then hand him the paper and write on there that you find asking about help difficult. Perhaps print out what you have written here?

But if that isn't going to work for you, maybe we can support you here. We can always listen and its a safe place to just vent all that has happened to you. You will find unfortunately a lot of people on here who have been through a lot like you.
 
calypso

calypso

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I just re read what I wrote and think it came over a little too bluntly - my apologies if it did
 
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Pixie85

Member
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Jun 22, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
It's just talking about it and putting it all out there in a face to face situation. Also have the worry of them thinking I can't look after my children if I have depression etc
Plus even my partner doesn't know about any of it and I'd prefer he didn't know.
I think I just want to try the support from here first.
Not blunt at all, don't worry about it
 
calypso

calypso

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Thanks Pixie85 for the reassurance. My daughter has two small ones and is on anti depressants. There is no reason that anyone other than you and the GP should know. Depression is very common so I wouldn't think it would be a problem regarding risk to losing your children.

How have you coped so far with all that happened to you? Do you want to tell us more about it or not right now? We are all here to listen.
 
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Pixie85

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
I haven't really coped at all, aside from putting it all into a box in my head.
I don't want anybody to find out any of this.
I don't think I can put my parents through that.
I don't know how I'm supposed to get through all this by myself
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
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A comet
Hello Pixie85, welcome to the forum.
 
Heart_moon

Heart_moon

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Jun 10, 2016
Messages
2,364
Location
UK
Hi Pixie & Welcome 💚
 
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