• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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U

Until

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I believe I have BPD, I have not had an official diagnosis but I have been researching recently why I do certain things and there are so many things that I can relate to as BPD being me. I am very sensitive, hate rejection, impulsive, have fear of being abandoned, get very angry quickly and it lasts a long time, I drop people before I think they are about to drop me, I am upset for days about things that other people wouldn't be, I can't forgive and I can hold a grudge for years. If I think people are talking about me or give each other a look about something I said I cannot sleep and are horrible to them afterwards. I don't like the word borderline, it suggests that I am the border of being a complete nutcase. I do have good qualities. I cannot tell anyone as they will judge me and laugh at me
 
wollie

wollie

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Hi Until and welcome to the forums:welcome: To the forums with you.
 
Mal84

Mal84

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I believe I have BPD, I have not had an official diagnosis but I have been researching recently why I do certain things and there are so many things that I can relate to as BPD being me. I am very sensitive, hate rejection, impulsive, have fear of being abandoned, get very angry quickly and it lasts a long time, I drop people before I think they are about to drop me, I am upset for days about things that other people wouldn't be, I can't forgive and I can hold a grudge for years. If I think people are talking about me or give each other a look about something I said I cannot sleep and are horrible to them afterwards. I don't like the word borderline, it suggests that I am the border of being a complete nutcase. I do have good qualities. I cannot tell anyone as they will judge me and laugh at me
Hi and welcome.

The first thing you need to do is go to the GP with your concerns and maybe ask to see your local community mental health team.
 
U

Until

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uk
the funny thing is if I go to a GP or a mental health person and they diagnose me with BPD I would feel more bad about myself than I already do, it would be like a professional saying that yes they can confirm there is something wrong with me and this is now my label and I just have a terrible personality, Does this make sense?
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Totally understand, I felt similar myself, I actually figured mine out mostly out by researching. I had a few things which I didn’t think fitted but it did, just in a different way.

Having BPD doesn’t mean you have a terrible personality though, no matter what the label may say :)
 
U

Until

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Thanks for your reply. There's only a couple of things on the list of a BPD that don't fit me either, like I have never self harmed or tried to commit suicide. But like you say I probably self harm in different ways like sometimes drinking far too much. I do think about killing myself when I am feeling really down about rejection or a perceived rejection or when I feel people are talking about me and sniggering about me, which a lot is not imagined I actually see it. But I have never tried to do anything, it is just thoughts. I guess I hope coming onto a forum like here where there are other people with BPD it will help me to stop feeling alone and we can support each other
 
N

Nukelavee

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The other, newer term for BPD is "emotional disregulation". "Borderline" refers to being midway between a neurosis, and psychosis.

For what that is worth. It's, at it's core, an inability to control emotions.

BPD is less a specific thing,more a collection of traits that together describe BPD. You don't have to have all those traits to have BPD, just enough of them.

Yeah - drinking, or drugs, can be self harm; anything can, really.
 
U

Until

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thanks for your reply. It could have a better name couldn't it, I don't like the word borderline or disorder. Yes I have difficulty in controlling my emotions, especially anger. I don't drink often unless I am feeling really down, but when I do I drink too much so I feel worse than I did before i drank. I could not tell anyone that I fit this as I think some people would talk about me behind my back and watch for any kind of emotion and then comment on my so called disorder.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Other people's reactions can be an issue. BPD has a bad rep, and most people don't understand it, they just know the stories of what we can be like during a meltdown.

I had to be in the hospital last spring, it was a stressful visit. I was upfront about having BPD. I got told "You are remarkably calm and controlled for somebody with BPD."

Yeah, because I was totally dissociated teh whole time.

so, yeah, I understand your issues with the term and people.

At teh same time -try to think of it as a guide for you. Not as something to be ashamed of.

Remember, part of BPD means we react strongly to truly minor triggers. It's easy for us to gauge others reactions by our own reactions to what we THINK we saw, not what they actually said or did.

Ugh. I'm having a bad day, I'm not being as clear as I could, sorry.

don't let your fear of others reactions prevent you from getting an actual diagnosis and help.
 
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