• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

New here, yet to be diagnosed, just looking for advice/hope.

Leesar

Leesar

New member
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
Messages
1
Location
Manchester
Hello.

I'm a 21 year old female living in England and though I know self-diagnosis probably isn't the best idea and it can never be certain, I'm pretty sure I have a form of bipolar disorder.

As long as I've known I've experienced mild depression, never enough to stop me functioning but enough to keep me negative about everything, make me cry at night. Last year, however I was the victim of a drug facilitated sexual assault and everything seems to have spiralled from there. At first it was just major depression - I slept all the time, cried all the time and when I wasn't doing either of those two things I was eating. I constantly thought of suicide, used the thought as a comfort blanket (told myself I'd kill myself in *insert period of time* in order to make myself feel better) but never attempted it. I got so lost in myself I couldn't muster empathy for anyone or anything.

That went on for months. At the time and now I also hated myself, physically and mentally criticised everything I did.. at somepoint during this time I started slapping myself around the face if I did something wrong.

I told myself that it was all just a knock on effect from what I'd been through and it would pass - I didn't want to go on antidepressants though I did have therapy after the assault which didn't work.

Last week my aunt passed away, I didn't feel too upset as I'd seen her perhaps twice in my life however I felt guilty about being unable to attend the funeral. Since then I've been experiencing what I think might be hypomania - I've slept about 10 hours over five days (I never slept at all last night, I feel worn down but my mind refuses to ease off to sleep), I've drank a lot, I'm fidgeting and grinding my teeth so much that people are stopping to comment, I'm agitated and angry at everyone (which doesn't gel, aren't manic episodes meant to make you happy?), I keep just losing it with myself - last night whilst home alone I did something.. something so insignificant that I can't even remember what but it made me so mad at myself I sat slapping myself across the face hard and screaming at myself for over half an hour. Then I went downstairs and got all the pills from our medicine basket and just scattered them on the bed around me, I've no idea why.

Sorry this is rather long. I'm just scared. I know I should seek help, I know I should go to my GP first thing in the morning but I just can't bring myself to. I think part of me would rather not know for sure? This probably sounds awful to most of you but I don't think I want to live with a mental condition - the thought of having to take pills and regulate my life in that way, of forever worrying just terrifies me.

Sorry again, any advice or positivity you could throw my way would really help, thanks.
 
F

familycrisis

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Knoxville, TN
I don't know about Bipolar...

Drug induced or not, don't matter, you were raped.

Sounds like to me you may have PTSD and/or Major depression.

I would recommend you contacting a rape crisis line and talking to someone and dealing with the rape.

or going to see someone that focus on addressing the rape.

Then of course trauma can trigger an onset of Bipolar.

However, I would start with addressing the rape/PTSD, then take a look at your history of depression, the onset, triggers, duration, frequency, and intensity.

However, your current depression and drinking, etc. sounds like to be tied to the assault.
 
F

familycrisis

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Knoxville, TN
and to answer your question

no mania doesn't mean your are happy or giddy.

However, one of the symptoms is be being grandiosity, being over exuberant about things. You could be too excited.

However, agitation is also associated with mania, one of the symptoms.

However, agitation is also associated with sleep deprivation.

However, decrease need of sleep is associated with mania. However, a person who is manic may not become agitated by the lack of sleep.

Lack of sleep can be associated with depression, substance abuse, stress, ptsd.

However, it doesn't matter your diagnosis, most doctors treat the symptoms, no matter what they call it, when it comes to medication.

However, like I said in my first post. I think you need to address the trauma in counseling. You need emotional support, medication is a tool, it will not solve the emotional pain you have been feeling.
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
My advice would be to search around for a psychologist that you click with.Talk therapy and working through your emotions is a much better option then taking drugs .That said it is some times beneficial to combine the two ...It all depends on the individual.
Speak to your doctor about it ...maybe try some alternative treatments ect....The most important thing is that you address the issue and sort it out so you can set it aside and move on with your life
Talking is the best medicine in my opinion

Good luck with it:hug:
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

Your worries about going to see your GP are understandable. These are commonly held concerns. So don't worry about worrying. It's a usual anxiety.

Your GP is unlikely to instantly refer you to psychiatric services. So you don't have to be thinking you'll be diagnosed and collecting a script by the end of the week. You may also find it easier to talk to a female GP or a nurse. You can ring ahead and request this.

But by your description you are spiralling downwards and the main thing you need to do is restore a healthy sleeping pattern and make some calm space for yourself.

I'd recommend you explain your sleeplessness, stressful states and low mood to the doctor or nurse and ask if they can provide you with some help. Specifically some short term help to sleep and feel calm, so you can plan what to do next.

Hopefully you'll get a short-term (1-2) week script to help you sleep and feel calmed.

You might then consider getting some practical help and support and advice. For instance, the people here would be very kind and understanding:

http://www.manchesterrapecrisis.co.uk/

The biggest step will be getting to your GP. I can appreciate how difficult that might feel. But if you say in your mind: I only have to do this once, I think you'll be able to do it. Even if you feel dreadful - once you've gone through with it you'll almost certainly feel much better.

I wish you the best and hope that you can find a calmer place sometime soon.

:)
 

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