New Here Today

[Anne1971]

Hi

I only found this site yesterday so I haven't had much time to look around but from what I've seen iI already don't feel alone and it seems very supportive.

I have been suffering from depression on and off since my early teens and tried taking an overdose when I was at school. I have always felt very alone and never had many friends at school which is a trend that seems to have continued.

I'm now 36 and I moved from Leeds to Birmingham to live with my fiancee 5 years ago. I have always found it very difficult to make new friends and my fiancee doesn't have a wide circle of friends either so I found myself feeling more isolated. My financee is as supportive as he can be but he doesn't really understand whats going on, he wonders why he can't just 'make me happy', he does but I have more things going on in my head. I don't seem to be very good at finding good friends and have had bad experiences with some of them which left me feeling betrayed.

We both are having difficult times at work and this makes us both irritable and are think we are drifting apart slowly. He was my first boyfriend and it took me till I was 30 to meet him. I'm not sure if we have a normal relationship, he is more like my best friend and we tell each other everything, we never have had much of a sexual relationship as he has his own problems to deal with. Lately I have found that I need that side of things more and with all the problems we are having together I have started chatting with men on the internet and even meeting some of them. I feel like a real bad person doing this to my fiancee although he understands I have some needs that he can't fulfil.

It took a while for the tablets to start to work but there was an improvement but now I seem to have slipped back again and I seem to be catching every illness thats going round which leaves me really tired, I'm currently struggling through work with a cold and everytime I am off sick my manager is suspicious (thats not just me, she is suspicious of everyone who is off sick). I don't have the confidence to go for another job and I am so tired all the time I can't seem to start my pencil scketching again which I love. I just feel like curling up in the dark and crying all the time.

Thats the short story of me so far, thanks for listening.

 

[KP1]

Hi Annie welcome to the forum there are lots of supportive people here and its a good forum to join.
KP

 

[rollinat]

to the forum Anne, good to have you here.

Rollinat

 

[Colin76]

Hi Annie.

to the forum. Talk as little or as much as you like, every one here is very supportive

 

[Anne1971]

Thanks, I don't use the computer much at home during the week usually because I am tired but I want to try and keep in contact here as much as I can

 

[Dollit]

Hi Anne, have you been to your GP and talked about this. It's a good place to start. And what I tell everyone is don't try and sort everything out all at once, small steps get you a lot further than big ambitious ones. Join in when and were you can - we never close those it does get quiet at times. xx

 

[nickh]

Hi and Anne. Pop over to the Birmingham Forum if you ever want to find out about events/support groups etc. in Brum.

Nick.

 

[intelgal]

 

[Anne1971]

I talked with my doctor when I first started taking the tablets and even had 4 sessions of councelling. The councelling was ok, I found I could talk things over a little but with it being on the NHS I could only get 4 sessions before going back to the doctor to be referred again. Although I could talk things over with my councellor I found that in the long term it didn't really help. I've always had real problems with low self esteem, I hate the way my body looks, always have. I managed to slim down a few years ago to a size 10 and still didn't like myself but have but the weight back on and more and have a wardrobe of clothes that are a constant reminder that I failed again. I guess thats the reason I read things in to situations that aren't there. I always think the worst in a situation, that there is something wrong with me which is why I don't really have any friends, because I'm a nothing, a worthless nobody. I've had several jobs where employers treat me that way and that only reinforces what I already felt.

Hi Anne, have you been to your GP and talked about this. It's a good place to start. And what I tell everyone is don't try and sort everything out all at once, small steps get you a lot further than big ambitious ones. Join in when and were you can - we never close those it does get quiet at times. xx

 

[Fedup]

Hello and Anne

I understand the low self esteem, mine has been very low for age's , i don't like myself one little bit .

 

[blackdog]

Hi and Anne.

 

[Aahbut]

Hi Anne,

You have landed in the right place for support. You will always find someone here that can answer your questions. There are some right smart arses on here, and I mean that in a very good way.

 

[Libra1]

Hi Anne and to MHF Hope you make many new friends here. Everyone is supportive/helpful and non-judgemental. Post as and when you can.

Take care

 

[maudikie]

Anne

I used to live in Brum. They are a great crowd up there - or used to be. My husband was a real brummie. don't down yourself so much. Everyone is worth something, and you don't have to be on T.V., films or in Parliament to make your contribution. It may be a small one, but as they say in Scotland "Every mickle macs a muckle" . You mean a lot to your boy friend, so there's a start. go out together and you can then support each other wherever you go. Unfortunatly life is not a bowl of cherries but take one thing at a time, and make a list of your successes - you could make a list of your mistakes too and then cross them off and tell youself they don't matter one little bit as we all make mistakes.
Keep smiling. It will become a habit, and if you smile at someone they may smile back.:grouphug

 

[Anne1971]

Having a particularly bad day today, Mondays usually are. A nice weekend or one that just doesn't involve going to work makes things seem not so bad then Monday is here again, having to go back to a crap job. I used to have a laugh at work but I haven't done that in years. I just want to cry, I can't seem to think about anything else other than make all the pain just stop, to just be truly nothing, I just can't seem to do anything right, can't seem to make anyone happy not even me.